{"product_id":"you-are-what-you-say-isbn-9780812929621","title":"You Are What You Say","description":"\"Why are you sick?\" This question, posed in compassion by his grandmother Minnie after a childhood incident plunged him into illness, stayed with Dr. Matthew Budd throughout his lifetime in medicine. As a teacher and physician at Harvard for more than thirty years, he repeatedly asked his patients this question. He found, remarkably, that it often unlocked memories, secrets, anger, resentments, and fears that had played crucial roles in their illnesses. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAs he encouraged his patients to reflect on their lives and habitual behavior, they often shifted from being trapped in suffering to designing a life of wellness and profound personal change for themselves, no matter what their circumstances. Their experiences led Dr. Budd to develop the Ways to Wellness program, a nationally acclaimed workshop offered by numerous HMOs.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In \u003ci\u003eYou Are What You Say\u003c\/i\u003e, Dr. Budd presents the principles of this powerful, scientifically validated program that weaves ancient and modern insights into human behavior, neurophysiology, language, and spirituality. One of these fundamental principles is that you are what you say -- your words play a major role in determining, not just reflecting, your health and well-being. He explains how the body \"learns\" many of its reactions, consciously and unconsciously, through language. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBy following the principles in this book, you'll learn about the Ten Linguistic Viruses that damage health and how to combat the ravages of anger, perfectionism, depression, and anxiety by changing the script of what you say to yourself and to others.\"Matthew Budd shows us how to use the experience of suffering as a catalyst for transforming our lives. How we communicate with one another and with ourselves is a powerful determinant of health.\" \u003cbr\u003e-- Dean Ornish, M.D., author of \u003cb\u003eDr. Dean Ornish's Program for Reversing Heart Disease\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Dr. Budd's lifetime of professionally caring for people has yielded this wonderful synthesis of ancient and modern healing principles. We can benefit by following his profound yet simple approaches.\" \u003cbr\u003e-- Herbert Benson, M.D., author of \u003cb\u003eThe Relaxation Response\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\"The simple but powerful program described in this book has been used successfully by thousands of patients to reduce suffering and get more out of life. Highly recommended.\" \u003cbr\u003e -- Steven E. Locke, M.D., Chief, Department of Mind\/Body Medicine, Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eMatthew Budd, M.D., \u003c\/b\u003efor twenty years assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, was the architect for the first Behavioral Medicine department at the Harvard Community Health Plan and the developer of the revolutionary Ways to Wellness program, which is now marketed nationally as the Personal Health Improvement Program. His work has been featured on National Public Radio, in \u003ci\u003eThe Wall Street Journal,\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eThe New York Times\u003c\/i\u003e, and in numerous articles in the medical literature. He lives in Boston with his wife, Rosalind, and his dogs, Otto and Zeke. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eLarry Rothstein, Ed.D.,\u003c\/b\u003e is a leading collaborator on self-help books, including Joan Borysenko's \u003ci\u003eMinding the Body, Mending the Mind\u003c\/i\u003e. He lives in Boston.Chapter 1\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMy Black Bag Is Half Empty\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOne spring morning nearly twenty   years ago, as I sat in a hotel meeting room with two hundred other participants   attending a weekend-long workshop on \"personal transformation,\" I thought I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Yet within a few minutes, I saw something   that threatened the scientific underpinnings of everything I understood as a doctor.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Here's what happened. For nearly ten minutes, Irving, the session trainer, had been   barking out what he called \"the ground rules.\" A short, stocky man with a balding   head and a thunderous voice, Irving had been rattling off a list of things participants   were not allowed to do during the training-no eating or drinking in the room, no   bathroom breaks except every two hours, no talking to other people in the seminar,   and so on.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e As Irving droned-or I should say roared-on, all I could think about was that my weekend was ruined. I had questioned the wisdom of my attending this \"course\"   even before I had arrived. After all, I was a Harvard Medical School professor, an   internist at one of the country's leading HMOs, and, at the very least, a rational   person. So why was I sitting here prepared to listen to ideas that my colleagues   at Harvard would and did dismiss with derisive laughter?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The answer was simple-I   was in despair. I believed I was an ineffective doctor, unable to help the majority   of my patients with their everyday health problems, which were, to my then na?ve   understanding, largely stress-related or \"psychosomatic.\" Whatever I did for or to   them, e.g., mood pills or pain relievers, changed little in their lives. I had become so upset about my inability to help these many patients that I was even considering   becoming a surgeon, a doctor who \"really helped\" people.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I had almost reached this   decision when I had lunch with my old friend, a hospital administrator named Shu-Shu. I was complaining to her about my unhappiness when she looked up from her Caesar   salad and said, \"Why don't you take the training course called est that I've just   completed. I think it'll help.\" I had heard some stories about this training and   had an arrogant negative opinion of it. It was reputed to be authoritarian, confrontational,   the invention of an encyclopedia salesman. I thought, \"How could Shu-Shu be taken   in by such a charlatan?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I replied, \"I don't need advice from a bunch of whackos.   How can this help me?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Trust me,\" Shu-Shu said, as she waved her salad fork at   me. \"You'll see, it's really good.\" I was conflicted. Over the years I'd known her,   I had come to admire and respect her deeply. She was a solid, effective person. It   was a measure of my desperation that I decided to trust her and to sign up for the   weekend course.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e My initial instincts seemed correct as Irving continued on with   his list of don'ts. I checked my watch-8:10 a.m. The day had just begun, and already   it seemed interminable. Irving read the next ground rule, which was \"No watches or   timepieces.\" I scowled as I surrendered my watch, placing it into a large box with   dozens of others.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I reminded myself never to listen to even good friends' advice.   But within minutes, Shu-Shu's promise to me came true.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I noticed a woman seated   across the aisle from me. She was coughing uncontrollably. I caught sight of her   name tag, which read \"Barbara.\" She was an attractive woman in her late twenties.   She wore blue jeans, a white T-shirt, and the platform shoes so popular in that era.   Her long, red hair fell lazily halfway down her back.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Suddenly, Barbara's coughing   increased in intensity. She began wheezing. I realized that she was having an asthma   attack. Asthma is a condition in which the air passages go into spasm and a person's   breathing becomes difficult. An asthma attack can be really serious, even fatal.   Barbara's breathing now sounded like air whistling out of a balloon with a pinhole   in it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I started out of my seat to see if I could help her. My mind was racing through   possible causes for the attack: \"Maybe she ate something for breakfast that she was   allergic to, or maybe it's the paint or rugs in this hall, or maybe there's a fungus   in the air-conditioning system.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e But before I could get to Barbara, she jumped out   of her seat to challenge one of Irving's ground rules-the one that insisted that   participants raise their hand and wait to be called on before speaking. She was barely   able to utter her protest-\"Don't tell me what to do\"-before she was racked by another   coughing fit. Irving started walking toward Barbara. At the same time, as I reached   her side, I shouted out, \"This woman is having an asthma attack.\" Irving waved me   away. He stopped right in front of Barbara and said, \"Did you hear the ground rules?   No talking until you're called on! I didn't call on you.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnother spasm of coughing   ripped through Barbara's body. She doubled up in pain. Irving crouched down until he was two feet from her face. He stared directly into her eyes and said firmly but   compassionately, \"Look at me, I am not your father!\" When I heard this, I was sure   that he was crazy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Barbara grew angrier at these words. Her breathing became even   more labored. My anger rose also and I was about to demand that Irving back off so   I could attend to Barbara when he said, \"Barbara, look at my right ear.\" The odd   nature of Irving's request focused Barbara for a moment. She stared at Irving's right   ear. Irving held his gaze on Barbara as he asked, \"It's not your father's ear, is   it?\" She wheezed, \"No, of course not.\" Then Irving repeated his question for his   nose, eyes, mouth, and head. Each time, Barbara responded with an irritated no.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Then Irving said, \"I'm not your father, am I? So why are you so angry? Just raise   your hand and wait to be called on before you speak,\" he said softly and compassionately.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I couldn't believe what I saw over the next few minutes. Barbara began to cry, a   whole body cry, not a polite sob. Looking up from her sadness, she said, \"No, you're   not my father, but it feels that way.\" Even as she made this remark, her wheezing   lessened and her body visibly relaxed. After a couple of minutes, she was breathing normally and sobbing bitterly.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Now it was me who was gasping. I had seen something   that completely upset my worldview. I believed that asthma is a disease caused by   the body's response to a substance to which it is allergic. Every first-year medical student knows this. If someone had described what had happened to Barbara, I would   have been amused and very skeptical. But I didn't hear or read about it, I had seen   it with my own eyes. Her attack had cleared up without the aid of inhaled or intravenous   medications, the usual treatments for asthma. Irving's questions and Barbara's responses   had done the trick. This was incomprehensible to me given everything that I had learned and understood as a doctor about disease, allergy, and treatment.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In fact, as Barbara   proclaimed that Irving was not her father and began to cry, I watched her whole body   change. The tension and fear left her face, her shoulders lowered from their tightened   position, and her breath came more easily.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e My brain was spinning with questions.   What had happened? What had I been missing as I tried to help my patients? What did   Irving know that I didn't? What has modern medicine been missing? How could Irving's   words change Barbara's body?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e As I sat there in a confused state in the hotel meeting   room, I noticed that my despair about medical practice was lifting. I had a whole   new set of questions that would stay with me continually during the years that followed.   It was clear to me at that moment that engaging these questions would be my life's   work.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e My Certain World\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e What happened to Barbara didn't fit my picture of asthma   and its treatments. I, like every person, live in a world that looks certain—I know what I know and what I don't know. For example, I know that oxygen is necessary for human life, but I don't know how to fly an airplane.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e This certainty is not only   true of external things, but extends to our knowledge of ourselves. We know who we are, what is possible and what is not, what we fear and what we welcome. \"Public   speaking is very difficult,\" we might say. We say it like a truth, but obviously,   public speaking isn't difficult for some people like Bill Clinton or Oprah Winfrey.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Living in a network of \"truths\" about how things are and are not can be dangerous   to your health if you never question the source of these \"truths\" and ask how it   is that you know them.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The most obvious source of \"truth\" comes from our culture.   When we live in the culture, we are not always aware of the cultural nature of these truths. They become our common sense. Nonetheless, they determine the shape of our   lives. Interaction with someone of another culture who lives in other \"truths\" propels   us into this awareness.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Consider the following statements. In the background of   each one there is a set of assumptions about how things are, the \"truths\" that determine   what is possible and what is not.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"The earth is flat, so of course we might fall   off if we sail far enough.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Her cattle died, so of course she must be a witch.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"He has a fever, which means he has too much blood. To cure him, we must drain his   body of excess blood.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Each of these utterances could have been made by a perfectly   rational human being given the understandings of his or her times. For instance,   the statement \"The earth is flat, so of course we might fall off if we sail far enough\" made sense until Columbus's voyage. In light of the assumption of flatness, it was   perfectly rational that the earth had an edge that one could fall off of. Of course,   no one ever saw the edge. But proof of its existence was derived from the fact that   many seamen in those days who set sail never returned to port. Therefore, they must have fallen off the edge!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e After Columbus's voyage, the old assumption of flatness   appeared nonsensical, and gradually its hold on people's behavior lessened. The old common sense died; a new common sense developed.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The statement \"Her cattle died,   so of course she must be a witch\" was perfectly reasonable for people who inhabited   the Western world in the sixteenth century. They believed the devil could invade   the body of a human, usually a woman. A woman so possessed became a witch. Such events   as the death of cattle or someone falling ill were explained by the witch's nearby   presence.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The remedy was for the time perfectly reasonable-ritual burning of the witch, thereby saving both her and her community from the devil's destructive power.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Another example: \"He has a fever, which means he has too much blood. To cure him,   we must drain his body of excess blood\"-hence, blood-letting was an approved treatment   during the Middle Ages. At that time, the theories of Galen, the great second century   physician, dominated medical practice. He had hypothesized that normal health resulted   from the balance of the body's four \"humors\"-blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow   bile. According to Galen, an illness with fever occurred when there was too much   blood in the body. So, of course, blood-letting made sense. The rationale was impeccable,   the assumptions accepted without further examination, the proof was the occasional   recovery of a patient. A doctor's training included knowing how many blood-sucking   leeches, of what kind, and how long to apply to a patient.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e This kind of mistaken   understanding of the world is easy to point out if we look at the past. But it is   much harder to see in our own lives in the present. Most of us never question how   we know what we know. One of this book's goals is to help you uncover your \"common   sense\"-those assumptions about yourself, about others, and about life in general   that shape you but remain unexamined.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Here are some of the \"truths\" that people   live with:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • Men can't be trusted.\u003cbr\u003e• I must strive for perfection.\u003cbr\u003e• I can't learn   as easily as others can.\u003cbr\u003e• People are dangerous.\u003cbr\u003e• My life is hopeless and no one   can help me.\u003cbr\u003e• Everyone is better than me.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e (What are your truths? Even though we're   early in our journey, begin now to ask yourself that question.)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e From that moment   nearly twenty years ago when Barbara and Irving opened a door for me through which   I could glimpse a new way of treating my patients, I have been involved in a journey   toward a new understanding. As part of this journey I began to reflect on my own   life and ask how I came to see things the way I did. Over time, I realized that there   were important events and people in my life that had shaped my values and beliefs,   but I was only dimly aware of them at the time. Later, with additional learning and   reflection, I saw these experiences with greater clarity.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e One such event involved   my grandmother Minnie.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Minnie's Wisdom\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e One day when I was ten years old, I arrived   home early from school. I felt feverish and achy. I headed directly for the comfort   of my bedroom. My grandmother Minnie, who had come to live in our house after the   death of her husband, Jake, followed me upstairs and asked, \"What's wrong?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Minnie   was a short, keenly alert, thick-waisted woman of Eastern European origin, who like   hundreds of thousands of other Jews had fled political persecution for a better life   in America. Minnie's education was limited; she could neither read nor write English,   and before she married she had been a sweatshop laborer. But she was wise, rich in   the wisdom of life. Her wisdom came from having observed life and learned well the   folk practices of her shtetl.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e As I plunked myself down on my bed without replying   to her, Minnie asked again, \"What's wrong?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I pulled the covers over my head and   said, \"I'm sick.\" But Minnie would not let things lie. Like an impassioned scientist   on the trail of a new discovery, she persisted: \"Why are you sick? You were okay   this morning.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I still remember the irritation that question provoked in me. I wanted   her to leave me alone. Sensing my ire, Minnie told me she'd brew up a batch of chicken   soup, her all-purpose remedy for illness. But as she left the room she advised, \"Think   about my question. Why are you sick?\"Introduction by Patch Adams, M.D.","brand":"Harmony","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46302033150181,"sku":"NP9780812929621","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780812929621.jpg?v=1767744730","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/you-are-what-you-say-isbn-9780812929621","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}