{"product_id":"william-shakespeares-much-ado-about-mean-girls-isbn-9781683691174","title":"William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls","description":"\u003cb\u003eCelebrate Tina Fey's\u003ci\u003e Mean Girls \u003c\/i\u003ewith this illustrated adaptation of the cult classic script, retold in Shakespearean verse by the best-selling author of\u003ci\u003e William Shakespeare's Star Wars\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOn Wednesdays we array ourselves in pink! \u003ci\u003eMean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e gets an Elizabethan makeover in this totally fetch comedy of manners about North Shore High’s queen bees, wannabes, misfits, and nerds. Written in the style of the Bard of Avon, \u003ci\u003eWilliam Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Mean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e tells the story of Cady Heron’s rise from home-schooled jungle freak to one of the most popular girls in school. Every scene and line of dialogue from the iconic script is reimagined in authentic Shakespearean rhyme, meter and stage directions, complete with dramatic asides from Janis, Damian, Gretchen, and Karen. By the end, you’ll be surprised that Shakespeare didn’t pen this classic story of rivalries, betrayal, jealousy, obsession, and fastidious rule-making about when one can and cannot wear sweatpants.\u003cb\u003eA 2019 Goodreads Choice Awards Finalist\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“\u003ci\u003eMuch Ado About Mean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e reimagines Tina Fey’s screenplay as an Elizabethan play. It’s a tricky premise to get right, but Doescher hits the mark.”—\u003ci\u003ePaste\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Delightful.”—\u003ci\u003ePortland Tribune\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“[\u003ci\u003eWilliam Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e] will delight with its depth.”—\u003ci\u003eBooklist\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“If this first entry in the wider Pop Shakespeare universe is anything to go by, Doescher will be on bookshelves and in homes for many more years to come.”\u003ci\u003e—\u003ci\u003eManhattan Book Review\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“When it comes to Doescher’s ability to cleverly and faithfully convert our favorite movies into Shakespearean masterpieces, the limit doth not exist.”—\u003ci\u003eGeeks of Doom \u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Such an unexpectedly exciting and funny read...the way William Shakespeare’s \u003ci\u003eMuch Ado About Mean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e is written is so seamless, it feels like the two worlds truly belong together.”—\u003ci\u003eThe Concordian\u003c\/i\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Doescher is basically a genius...If you loved the movie \u003ci\u003eMean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e or just appreciate pop culture, give \u003ci\u003eWilliam Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls\u003c\/i\u003e a try.”—\u003ci\u003eRoots \u0026amp; Reads\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003eIan Doescher\u003c\/b\u003e is the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e best-selling author of the William Shakespeare’s Star Wars® series, the Pop Shakespeare series, and \u003ci\u003eMacTrump\u003c\/i\u003e. He has written for Marvel Comics and is a contributing author to the story collection \u003ci\u003eStar Wars: From a Certain Point of View.\u003c\/i\u003e He lives in Portland, Oregon, with his family. Visit him at IanDoescher.com.PROLOGUE\u003cbr\u003eEvanston, Illinois, in the New World.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter\u003c\/i\u003e chorus.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHORUS When audiences ’round the globe appear,\u003cbr\u003eDesiring stories of a woman’s fate,\u003cbr\u003eOur playwright answereth the calling clear,\u003cbr\u003ePreparing ample banquet for your plate.\u003cbr\u003eThis tale of lasses takes us unto school \u003cbr\u003eWith many shrewish girls and boyish asses,\u003cbr\u003eWherein they make mistakes and play the fool,\u003cbr\u003eAnd learn hard lessons far beyond their classes.\u003cbr\u003eTo this fey story make I introduction—\u003cbr\u003eWhich shows us Cady Heron’s youthful age— \u003cbr\u003eHer narrative unfolds in our production\u003cbr\u003eIn these few hours upon our simple stage.\u003cbr\u003eI, prologue-like, your humble patience pray,\u003cbr\u003eGently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.\u003cbr\u003e[Exit.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eACT I\u003cbr\u003eSCENE 1\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eAt the Heron residence and North Shore High School.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter\u003c\/i\u003e Cady Heron \u003ci\u003eand her parents\u003c\/i\u003e, Lady Heron \u003ci\u003eand\u003c\/i\u003e Sir Heron.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSIR H. Proceed, young Cady, to procure thy lunch,\u003cbr\u003eAnd by the bite of it end woes and all.\u003cbr\u003eThere ne’er was situation so enflam’d\u003cbr\u003eThat by a meal was not made easier.\u003cbr\u003eWithin this bag shalt thou a dollar find,\u003cbr\u003eWith which thou mayst buy milk an thou dost wish.\u003cbr\u003eAsk thou the bigger children where ’tis done\u003cbr\u003eAnd, by my troth, they’ll gladly give thee aid.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eLADY H. Remember’st thou the number of thy home?\u003cbr\u003eTake this along; I writ it for thy sake. \u003cbr\u003eI prithee, place it in thy pocket safe—\u003cbr\u003eIf thou dost love me, thou wilt lose it not.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[ Aside:]\u003c\/i\u003e I’ll seem the fool I am not; Cady, strong,\u003cbr\u003eWill be herself. \u003ci\u003e[ To Cady:]\u003c\/i\u003e Art thou prepar’d for school?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY E’en were I passing wise, like Seneca, \u003cbr\u003eI’d not have readiness as on me falls.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSIR H. A picture ere thou leavest home I’ll take,\u003cbr\u003eThat we, one day, recall this moment rare.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[They take a photograph together. Exeunt Lady and Sir Heron as Cady walks to school.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY ’Tis natural, methinks, that parents cry\u003cbr\u003eUpon the day their child first goeth schoolward. \u003cbr\u003ePerforce this is the case most typical\u003cbr\u003eWhen children are a meagre five years old.\u003cbr\u003eI am sixteen and was, until today,\u003cbr\u003eSchool’d by my parents in our fam’ly home.\u003cbr\u003eGood gentles, like a waiting, open book, \u003cbr\u003eThe content of your minds is plain to read:\u003cbr\u003e“A homeschool’d child is th’utmost rarity,\u003cbr\u003eAn ’twere a freak one would in circus find.”\u003cbr\u003eYour minds, belike, imagine instances\u003cbr\u003eWhen children taught at home are strange, indeed. \u003cbr\u003eEnter child 1 above, on balcony.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHILD 1 The spelling of the short word xylocarp—\u003cbr\u003eA fruit that hath a husky, woody shell—\u003cbr\u003eIs plain: X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exit Child 1\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY Or, mayhap, ye assume we hold a faith\u003cbr\u003eBizarre and dangerous in the extreme. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter\u003c\/i\u003e child 2 \u003ci\u003eabove, on balcony.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHILD 2 Upon the third day of creation, God\u003cbr\u003eHath made the Remington bolt-action rifle.\u003cbr\u003eFor “Lo,” God said, “my people must have aught\u003cbr\u003eWith which to fight the mighty dinosaurs\u003cbr\u003eAnd—ages hence—the homosexuals.” \u003cbr\u003eAmen say I, and all my family.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exit Child 2.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY Think not with prejudice upon my state,\u003cbr\u003eFor, truly, normal is my family.\u003cbr\u003eThough, in this case, ’tis normal temper’d by\u003cbr\u003eThe occupation of my parents two: \u003cbr\u003eThey both are researching zoologists,\u003cbr\u003eWho spent the last twelve years on Afric plains.\u003cbr\u003eMy parents did know more of snakes than sneakers,\u003cbr\u003eMore knowledge of the zebras than of Zen,\u003cbr\u003eMore happy near the lions than Detroit, \u003cbr\u003eMore calm upon safari than in Chrome.\u003cbr\u003eMy life was wonderful beyond compare,\u003cbr\u003eAs I did grow among the pleasant beasts\u003cbr\u003eAnd ev’ry day enjoy’d the open air.\u003cbr\u003eIt was a joyful, satisfying life, \u003cbr\u003eUntil my mother earn’d a teaching post\u003cbr\u003eAt old Northwestern University,\u003cbr\u003eComplete with tenure—forcing our return.\u003cbr\u003eFarewell said I to Afric and its plains,\u003cbr\u003eAnd bid hello to high school and its pains. \u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[She is nearly struck bya passing bus as she crosses a street.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlas! I must be careful, by my troth—\u003cbr\u003eNe’er was a day in Africa so fraught.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter many\u003c\/i\u003e students,\u003ci\u003e including\u003c\/i\u003e Janis Ian, Damian, and Kristen Hadley.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBehold, such varied students on display,\u003cbr\u003eArray’d in current fashion, in such clothes\u003cbr\u003eAs I have never own’d in sixteen years. \u003cbr\u003eShall I attain the grace and confidence\u003cbr\u003eWith which my striking peers comport themselves?\u003cbr\u003eThe crowd is quick and unpredictable—\u003cbr\u003eBalls fly from yonder, faster than a cheetah,\u003cbr\u003eThen soar like eagle thither on their way. \u003cbr\u003eThe students roughly bump and jostle like\u003cbr\u003eA herd of antelope at water’s edge.\u003cbr\u003eNearby some boyish scoundrels light a pyre,\u003cbr\u003eAs if some ritual they did enact.\u003cbr\u003eSo new and so mysterious—O wonder! \u003cbr\u003eHow many goodly creatures are there here!\u003cbr\u003eHow beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,\u003cbr\u003eThat has such people in it! Now, to class.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exeunt most students as Cady walks into herclassroom. Janis, Damian, and other students sitat desks. Cady mistakes Kristen for her teacher.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHere is the teacher—tall and self-assur’d:\u003cbr\u003eI’ll speak to her and introduce myself. \u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[To Kristen: ] \u003c\/i\u003eHolla, I know not if you heard of me.\u003cbr\u003eMy path hath newly brought me to this school,\u003cbr\u003eWhere I shall be your student: Cady Heron.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eKRISTEN An thou dost ever speak again to me,\u003cbr\u003eA painful kick unto thine ass I’ll grant.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Cady begins to sit.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eJANIS Sit not upon that seat, or thou shalt be\u003cbr\u003eIn trouble with one Kristen Hadley—she\u003cbr\u003eWhom thou didst think was teacher unto us—\u003cbr\u003eFor her small boyfriend shall assume that seat.\u003cbr\u003eEnter Kristen Hadley’s Boyfriend,\u003cbr\u003esitting next to her and kissing her.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eKRISTEN Hello, diminutive red-headed love.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[They kiss. Cady looks for another seat.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eJANIS Did not I speak the words and prove them true?\u003cbr\u003eSit not there, either, for the boy in front\u003cbr\u003eIs flatulent beyond all remedy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGASSY STD.\u003ci\u003e [aside: ] \u003c\/i\u003eO shame, to have a reputation thus!\u003cbr\u003eI am for gas renown’d, but hath a soul \u003cbr\u003eThat longeth for a song compos’d of words—\u003cbr\u003eSay I: hail, poetry! Thou heav’n-born maid,\u003cbr\u003eIndeed, thou gildest e’en the farter’s trade.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY Shall I no seat within this classroom find?\u003cbr\u003eEnter Madam Norbury, knocking into Cady\u003cbr\u003eand spilling coffee on herself.\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY Hello, all—O, alack!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY —Apologies!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY Nay, set thy heart at rest. ’Tis not thy fault.\u003cbr\u003eMy fortune doth run low in muck and mud—\u003cbr\u003eMy life’s quaint mazes in the wanton green\u003cbr\u003eFor lack of tread are undistinguishable.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[She begins to remove her jumperon which she spilled the coffee.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter\u003c\/i\u003e Sir Duvall.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL Good Madam Norbury, is’t well with thee? \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY\u003ci\u003e [to Cady: ] \u003c\/i\u003eMy undergarment clingeth to my jumper\u003cbr\u003eAnd presently my navel’s on display—\u003cbr\u003e’Tis true?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY —Indeed.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY —Start to a perfect day.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL This is a scene most inexplicable.\u003cbr\u003eIs ev’rything all right within thy class? \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY ’Tis well, or soon shall be.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL —How was thy summer?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY I was divorcèd from my husband past.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL My carpal tunnel syndrome hath return’d.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY Were we comparing woes, it seems I win.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL Thou winn’st, forsooth—my sorrow goes with thee. \u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[To students: ]\u003c\/i\u003e I hither came to bring ye this report:\u003cbr\u003eA newfound student is within your midst,\u003cbr\u003eWho did arrive from Afric recently.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Madam Norbury spies a black student.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY Thou welcome art!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBLACK STD. —I come from Michigan!\u003cbr\u003ePray, lay not your assumptions at my feet.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY O, Michigan, a wondrous state indeed!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL Her name is Caddy, like the shack of old.\u003cbr\u003eIs there a Caddy Heron present here?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY ’Tis I, whose name alike to Katie sounds.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL Beg pardon for the mispronunciation. \u003cbr\u003eThy case is like my nephew, Anfernee,\u003cbr\u003eWho doth despise the errant sound of it\u003cbr\u003eWhen I misspeak and call him Anthony.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Aside: ] \u003c\/i\u003eHis anger, though, is nothing next to mine,\u003cbr\u003eWhen I bethink upon my sister’s choice \u003cbr\u003eTo give him such a name as Anfernee!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY Thou fresh-fac’d Cady, thou most welcome art,\u003cbr\u003eAnd thank you, Sir Duvall, for thy report.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL It is my pleasure, Madam Norbury.\u003cbr\u003eIf thou hast need of any little thing, \u003cbr\u003eOr if thou’dst speak about thy situation . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNORBURY My thanks. Perhaps another time when I\u003cbr\u003eAm not array’d in tunic most transparent.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDUVALL Indeed.\u003ci\u003e [Aside: ]\u003c\/i\u003e She is not wrong, I see it well—\u003cbr\u003eHow pleasant and how shapely is her form. \u003cbr\u003e[To students: ] Good day unto ye all. Learn well, learn\u003cbr\u003etrue.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exit \u003c\/i\u003eSir Duvall. \u003ci\u003eExit\u003c\/i\u003e Madam Norbury \u003ci\u003eseverally\u003c\/i\u003e. Janis, Damian, \u003ci\u003eand other \u003c\/i\u003estudents \u003ci\u003echange classrooms as \u003c\/i\u003eCady \u003ci\u003espeaks.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY My first day in the school pass’d in a blur—\u003cbr\u003eA most confusing and distressing blur,\u003cbr\u003eWherein I was in trouble for such things\u003cbr\u003eAs I had ne’er imagin’d I would be.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter\u003c\/i\u003e chemistry teacher.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHEM. Where art thou bound?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY —Unto the restroom, sir.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHEM. Thou dost the lavatory pass require,\u003cbr\u003eIf ’tis thy plan to thither boldly go.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY I see. Can you deliver such to me?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHEM. Thy truancy is plain. Sit thou once more.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exit \u003c\/i\u003echemistry teacher.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY Ne’er had I liv’d within so foul a world\u003cbr\u003eWhere no adult would trust me or my words,\u003cbr\u003eAnd where they spent the livelong day in yelling.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Enter\u003c\/i\u003e English teacher, history teacher, music teacher, \u003ci\u003eand\u003c\/i\u003e German teacher \u003ci\u003eabove, on balcony.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eENGLISH Read not beyond the page that is assign’d\u003cbr\u003eFor if thou dost, the words may rot thy brain! \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHISTORY The color of thy pen may not be green,\u003cbr\u003eFor history is mark’d by shades of gray!\u003cbr\u003eMUSIC There shall be none of foodstuffs in my class,\u003cbr\u003eFor such behavior strikes discordant notes.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGERMAN Nein, bleiben ihren vorgenannten Platz, \u003cbr\u003eFür Deutschland wächst auf ihre Unterstützung.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exeunt \u003c\/i\u003eteachers.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCADY My puzzlement did not abate by lunchtime,\u003cbr\u003eAs I no welcome found at any seat:\u003cbr\u003eOne group did make their keen abhorrence known\u003cbr\u003eBy placing their effects where I would sit. \u003cbr\u003eAnother talks of things impolitic—\u003cbr\u003eAloud they talk’d of women’s nipplous parts.\u003cbr\u003eE’en when I spake the greeting “Jambo!” to\u003cbr\u003eA group I did assume were African,\u003cbr\u003eThey were perplex’d and did not return the greeting. \u003cbr\u003eWhile I had friends when I in Afric dwelt,\u003cbr\u003eThus far I had not one in Evanston.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exeunt all but\u003c\/i\u003e Cady.\u003cbr\u003eInside the restroom I did sit and eat\u003cbr\u003eTo hide bewilderment and loneliness.\u003cbr\u003eO Fates, who spin our threads, I pray you, speak, \u003cbr\u003eFor still ’tis beating in my mind, your reason\u003cbr\u003eFor raising this sea storm against my boat.\u003cbr\u003eBelike I shall not know the reason why,\u003cbr\u003eFor ne’er did Fate respond to mortal cries.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eEnter \u003c\/i\u003eLady Heron \u003ci\u003eand \u003c\/i\u003eSir Heron.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSIR H. Thy first day done! How didst thou find the school?\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exit \u003c\/i\u003eCady, \u003ci\u003eupset.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eLADY H. This silence doth bespeak a brutal day\u003cbr\u003eO, have we hurt our daughter by our move?\u003cbr\u003eWe had a wondrous life in Africa—\u003cbr\u003eFull often hath she gossip’d by my side,\u003cbr\u003eAnd sat with me on Neptune’s yellow sands, \u003cbr\u003eMarking the embark’d traders on the flood,\u003cbr\u003eWhen we have laugh’d to see the sails conceive\u003cbr\u003eAnd grow big-bellied with the wanton wind.\u003cbr\u003eNow is she silent and will nothing tell—\u003cbr\u003eWould that our daughter suddenly were well!\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e[Exeunt.\u003c\/i\u003e","brand":"Quirk Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46299845558501,"sku":"NP9781683691174","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9781683691174.jpg?v=1742917643","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/william-shakespeares-much-ado-about-mean-girls-isbn-9781683691174","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}