What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message)

Train your body to communicate with confidence and clarity-have your body match what your mouth says...

The popular phrase "leading from influence" takes for granted that influence derives chiefly from verbal communication. However, communication is about more than words. To get to the next level in your career, you must communicate with your entire self.

What Your Body Says gives you the straight-up "how-to" on unifying what you say with what you do, allowing you to better connect with other people and reach your full leadership potential. It gives you a clear and simple process to follow, all drawn from an intense study of how language impacts people's lives and emotions. Filled with useful tools, strategies, and techniques, this book gives you the key to

• Speak intelligently while looking smart, engaging and real
• Deliver unpleasant messages without pain or guilt
• Having a committee meeting and getting something done
• And more

Written by Sharon Sayler, a highly accomplished expert in marketing, presentations, and body language, What Your Body Says is the only guide you need to achieve the competitive edge in your personal and business communication style.

Foreword byMichael Grinder ix

Foreword byMichael Port xi

About the Author xiii

Acknowledgments xv

About This Book xvii

Introduction 1

Understanding the Difference between Power, Intimidation, and Influence 6

How Influence Equals Opportunity 7

Items of Note 10

1 The Signals You Are Sending 13

Good versus Bad Nonverbals 15

2 How the Signals Work 19

Intentional Gestures Are a Powerful Tool 20

When and How the Gesture Happens 22

How Long to Hold the Gesture 25

“But Wait, There’s More . . .” Connecting Two Ideas Nonverbally 25

How to Disconnect Two Ideas Nonverbally 28

3 Gestures of Relationship 33

How to Attach Yourself to a Message 41

How to Create a Visual Placeholder 43

4 Gestures of Location 53

How to Use Locations 54

How to Create a Phantom Location 56

How to Assign Negatives to a Location 57

How to Avoid Cross-Contaminating Your Message 63

5 Gestures That Teach 65

Keep the Gesture Simple and Familiar 66

Verbal and Nonverbal Congruency 70

Do I Always Have to Be Congruent? 71

6 Gestures of Expectation and Influence 73

How to Use Your Posture to Show Your Confidence 74

Manage the Behavior—Not the Person 79

Proactive versus Reactive 80

I Expect You to Wait 83

Power Gestures 86

How to Confirm Others’ Perception of the Experience 87

7 The Eyes Have It 91

Where Do I Put My Eyes? 92

What Can I Do with My Eyes? 94

Eyes and Emotion 95

How to Manage with Eye Contact 96

Pros and Cons of Little or No Eye Contact 97

8 How the Signals Sound—The Voice 101

Voice Patterns of What We Do andWho We Are 105

How to Use the Credible Voice Pattern 106

How to Use the Connection Voice Pattern 108

Is Your Voice Sabotaging You? 110

Addicted to the Verbal Pause 112

The Need to Breathe 113

9 The Unintentional Nonverbals 119

Fidget Reboot Button 121

The Nonverbal Outburst 122

10 The Fine Print in Your Owner’s Manual 125

The Trick Is to Remain Flexible 126

Master the Behavior Game 128

11 Putting It All to Work 137

Feelings Change Facts 138

Emotions Motivate 139

How to Communicate a Clear Direction 140

Observe to Become Self-Aware 141

How Context Controls the Message 141

Final Thoughts: Master Your Message—Next Steps 146

Cheat Sheets 149

Resources and Recommended Reading 158

Quick Reference Guides 160

Index 170

Sharon Sayler is the co-owner and founder of Impression Engineers, an award-winning online marketing and design company. As a Certified Group Dynamics and Behavioral Coach, Sharon trains, counsels, and coaches professionals to become stronger, more influential communicators and leaders. Sharon is an active contributor to SelfGrowth.com and has, for the past two and a half years, written the weekly blogs Best Impressions and Beyond Lip Service.

Visit Sharon online at www.SharonSayler.com and www.ImpressionEngineers.com.

Your mouth might be saying one thing in meetings, interviews, presentations, and other high-stakes interactions, but what about the rest of you? When you're trying to get a message across, does your body and attitude reflect your enthusiasm or detract from it? If you want your verbal and nonverbal signals working together seamlessly for maximum impact, What Your Body Says gives you the tools to fully master your messages.

Laying out simple methods that are easy to use and remember, this helpful guide offers a proven approach based on the author's years of research and practice. You'll get an array of techniques you can use in a variety of situations, allowing you to communicate with more clarity, inspiration, and influence.

What Your Body Says enables you to:

• Become aware of the signals you are sending—intentionally and unintentionally—and their effects

• Understand and use gestures to convey intention, relationships, information, influence, and expectations

• Understand and use your gestures, eyes, tone of voice, and other nonverbals

• Combine the different tools into a new, highly effective communication style

True communication goes beyond words, and great communicators use every tool they have to deliver their message. What Your Body Says will get you to the next level in your business and personal communication style. Apply the concepts in this powerful guide, and the results—stronger relationships, influential leadership, and enthusiastic responses—will start coming in loud and clear!

"This fascinating book shows you how to become more influential and persuasive with every person you meet." —BRIAN TRACY, coauthor, The Power of Charm

"The simple techniques presented in this powerful book give you the tools to express your own authentic self and achieve any dream."—MARCIA WIEDER, CEO and founder, Dream University

"As a person who has devoted his life to communication, I stand in awe of Sharon Sayler's brilliant book, What Your Body Says. It reveals essential truths in a very readable way and anyone who reads it will be able to capitalize upon the enlightenment she offers in better understanding and communicating any kinds of messages." —JAY CONRAD LEVINSON, the Father of Guerrilla Marketing, author, Guerrilla Marketing book series

"What Your Body Says gives you the power to nonverbally express your own authentic and confident self."—LORRIE MORGAN-FERRERO, www.redhotcopy.com

"What Your Body Says is all about integrity—aligning your speech and your actions. Having written two books on integrity, I'm delighted to see such careful attention given to this crucial part of communication."—SHEL HOROWITZ, coauthor, Guerrilla Marketing Goes Green, www.guerrillamarketinggoesgreen.com

"What Your Body Says gives you the tools you need to revolutionize your communication. Knowing what nonverbals support your message is truly a dream come true. Sharon Sayler brings together simple, yet very useful, strategies. This practical book will change the way you view communication."—DAVID RIKLAN, founder, SelfGrowth.com