{"product_id":"the-novel-cure-isbn-9780143125938","title":"The Novel Cure","description":"\u003cb\u003e \"Delightful... elegant prose and discussions that span the history of 2,000 years of literature.\"—\u003ci\u003ePublisher's Weekly\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e A novel is a story transmitted from the novelist to the reader. It offers distraction, entertainment, and an opportunity to unwind or focus. But it can also be something more powerful—a way to learn about how to live. Read at the right moment in your life, a novel can—quite literally—change it.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003eThe Novel Cure \u003c\/i\u003eis a reminder of that power. To create this apothecary, the authors have trawled two thousand years of literature for novels that effectively promote happiness, health, and sanity, written by brilliant minds who knew what it meant to be human and wrote their life lessons into their fiction. Structured like a reference book, readers simply look up their ailment, be it agoraphobia, boredom, or a midlife crisis, and are given a novel to read as the antidote. Bibliotherapy does not discriminate between pains of the body and pains of the head (or heart). Aware that you’ve been cowardly? Pick up \u003ci\u003eTo Kill a Mockingbird \u003c\/i\u003efor an injection of courage. Experiencing a sudden, acute fear of death? Read \u003ci\u003eOne Hundred Years of\u003c\/i\u003e \u003ci\u003eSolitude \u003c\/i\u003efor some perspective on the larger cycle of life. Nervous about throwing a dinner party? Ali Smith’s \u003ci\u003eThere but for The \u003c\/i\u003ewill convince you that yours could never go \u003ci\u003ethat \u003c\/i\u003ewrong. Whatever your condition, the prescription is simple: a novel (or two), to be read at regular intervals and in nice long chunks until you finish. Some treatments will lead to a complete cure. Others will offer solace, showing that you’re not the first to experience these emotions. \u003ci\u003eThe Novel Cure \u003c\/i\u003eis also peppered with useful lists and sidebars recommending the best novels to read when you’re stuck in traffic or can’t fall asleep, the most important novels to read during every decade of life, and many more.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e Brilliant in concept and deeply satisfying in execution, \u003ci\u003eThe Novel Cure \u003c\/i\u003ebelongs on everyone’s bookshelf and in every medicine cabinet. It will make even the most well-read fiction aficionado pick up a novel he’s never heard of, and see familiar ones with new eyes. Mostly, it will reaffirm literature’s ability to distract and transport, to resonate and reassure, to change the way we see the world and our place in it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \"This appealing and helpful read is guaranteed to double the length of a to-read list and become a go-to reference for those unsure of their reading identities or who are overwhelmed by the sheer number of books in the world.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003e\"—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eLibrary Journal\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\"An exuberant pageant of literary fiction and a celebration of the possibilities of the novel.\"\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eGuardian\u003c\/i\u003e (UK)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Astute and often amusing . . . a charming addition to any library. Time spent leafing through its pages is inspiring - even therapeutic.\"—\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Economist\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"A delightful reference guide… [Berthoud and Elderkin] tackle serious and not-so-serious ailments with equal verve… elegant prose and discussions that span the history of 2,000 years of literature will surely make readers seek out these books. Taking two novellas and calling the bibliotherapists in the morning sounds welcome indeed.\"—\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003ePublishers Weekly\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"A fine remedy for bibliophiles.\"—\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eKirkus\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Brilliant . . . A perfect gift.\"—\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eVogue\u003c\/i\u003e (UK)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"This appealing and helpful read is guaranteed to double the length of a to-read list and become a go-to reference for those unsure of their reading identities or who are overwhelmed by the sheer number of books in the world.\u003ci\u003e\"—\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eLibrary Journal\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eSusan Elderkin \u003c\/b\u003eand\u003cb\u003e Ella Berthoud \u003c\/b\u003estarted giving novels to each other when they met as English students at Cambridge twenty-five years ago. A novelist, travel writer, writing teacher, and fiction reviewer for the \u003ci\u003eFinancial Times\u003c\/i\u003e, Elderkin now lives in Connecticut with her husband and son. Berthoud lives in Sussex with her husband and three girls and paints in a hut in her back garden. They have run a bibliotherapy service out of The School of Life in London since 2008, prescribing books to clients all around the world.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003eTheNovelCure.com\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eINTRODUCTION\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ebib•lio•ther•a•py\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e noun\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\\bi-ble---'ther--pe-, -'the-r-py\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e: the prescribing of fiction for life’s ailments\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e—Berthoud and Elderkin, 2013\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is a medical handbook—with a difference.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFirst of all, it does not discriminate between emotional pain and physical pain—you’re as likely to find a cure within these pages for a broken heart as a broken leg. It also includes common predicaments you might find yourself in, such as moving house, looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, or having a midlife crisis. Life’s bigger challenges, such as losing a loved one or becoming a single parent, are in here too. Whether you’ve got the hiccups or a hangover, a fear of commitment or a sense of humor failure, we consider it an ailment that deserves a remedy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut there’s another difference too. Our medicines are not something you’ll find at the drugstore, but at the bookshop, in the library, or downloaded onto your electronic reading device. We are bibliotherapists, and the tools of our trade are books. Our apothecary contains Balzacian balms and Tolstoyan tourniquets, the salves of Saramago and the purges of Perec and Proust. To create it, we have trawled two thousand years of literature for the most brilliant minds and restorative reads, from Apuleius, second-century author of \u003ci\u003eThe Golden Ass\u003c\/i\u003e, to the contemporary tonics of Ali Smith and Jonathan Franzen.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBibliotherapy has been popular in the form of the nonfiction self-help book for several decades now. But lovers of literature have been using novels as salves—either consciously or subconsciously—for centuries. Next time you’re feeling in need of a pick-me-up or require assistance with an emotional tangle, reach for a novel. Our belief in the effectiveness of fiction as the purest and best form of bibliotherapy is based on our own experience with patients and bolstered by an avalanche of anecdotal evidence. Sometimes it’s the story that charms; other times it’s the rhythm of the prose that works on the psyche, stilling or stimulating. Sometimes it’s an idea or an attitude suggested by a character in a similar quandary or jam. Either way, novels have the power to transport you to another existence and see the world from a different point of view. When you’re engrossed in a novel, unable to tear yourself from the page, you are seeing what a character sees, touching what a character touches, learning what a character learns. You may \u003ci\u003ethink\u003c\/i\u003e you’re sitting on the sofa in your living room, but the important parts of you—your thoughts, your senses, your spirit—are somewhere else entirely. “To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company,” said André Gide. No one comes back from such a journey quite the same.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhatever your ailment, our prescriptions are simple: a novel (or two), to be read at regular intervals. Some treatments will lead to a complete cure. Others will simply offer solace, showing you that you are not alone. All will offer the temporary relief of your symptoms due to the power of literature to distract and transport. Sometimes the remedy is best taken as an audiobook, or read aloud with a friend. As with all medicines, the full course of treatment should always be taken for best results. Along with the cures, we offer advice on particular reading issues, such as being too busy to read or what to read when you can’t sleep, along with the ten best books to read in each decade of life; and the best literary accompaniments for important rituals or rites of passage, such as being on vacation—or on your deathbed.*\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWe wish you every delight in our fictional plasters and poultices. You will be healthier, happier, and wiser for them.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eABANDONMENT\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ePlainsong\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eKENT HARUF\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf inflicted early, the effects of physical or emotional abandonment—whether you were left by too busy parents to bring yourself up, told to take your tears and tantrums elsewhere, or off-loaded onto another set of parents completely (see: Adoption)—can be hard to shrug. If you’re not careful, you might spend the rest of your life expecting to be let down. As a first step to recovery, it is often helpful to realize that those who abandon you were most likely abandoned themselves. And rather than wishing they’d buck up and give you the support or attention you yearn for, put your energy into finding someone else to lean on who’s better equipped for the job.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAbandonment is rife in \u003ci\u003ePlainsong\u003c\/i\u003e, Kent Haruf’s account of small-town life in Holt, Colorado. Local schoolteacher Guthrie has been abandoned by his depressed wife, Ella, who feigns sleep when he tries to talk to her and looks at the door with “outsized eyes” when he leaves. Their two young sons, Ike and Bobby, are left bewildered by her unexplained absence from their lives. Old Mrs. Stearns has been abandoned by her relatives, either through death or neglect. And Victoria, seventeen years old and four months’ pregnant, is abandoned first by her boyfriend and then by her mother, who, in a backhanded punishment to the man who’d abandoned them both many years before, tells her, “You got yourself into this, you can just get out of it,” and kicks her out of the house.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGradually, and seemingly organically—although in fact it is mostly orchestrated by Maggie Jones, a young woman with a gift for communication—other people step into the breach. Most astonishing are the McPheron brothers, a pair of “crotchety and ignorant” cattle-farming bachelors who agree to take the pregnant Victoria in: “They looked at her, regarding her as if she might be dangerous. Then they peered into the palms of their thick callused hands spread out before them on the kitchen table and lastly they looked out the window toward the leafless and stunted elm trees.” The next thing we know they are running around shopping for cribs, and the rush of love for the pair felt by Victoria, as well as the reader, transforms them overnight. As we watch the community quicken to its role as extended family—frail Mrs. Stearns teaching Ike and Bobby to make cookies, the McPherons watching over Victoria with all the tender, clumsy tenacity they normally reserve for their cows—we see how support can come from very surprising places.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you have been abandoned, don’t be afraid to reach out to the wider community around you—however little you know its inhabitants as individuals. They’ll thank you for it one day.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eACCUSED, BEING\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eTrue History of the Kelly Gang\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePETER CAREY\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you’re accused of something and you know you’re guilty, accept your punishment with good grace. If you’re accused and you didn’t do it, fight to clear your name. And if you’re accused and you know you did it but you don’t think what you did was wrong, what \u003ci\u003ethen\u003c\/i\u003e?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAustralia’s Robin Hood, Ned Kelly—as portrayed by Peter Carey in \u003ci\u003eTrue History of the Kelly Gang\u003c\/i\u003e—commits his first crime at ten years old when he kills a neighbor’s heifer so his family can eat. The next thing he knows, he’s been apprenticed (by his own mother) to the bushranger, Harry Power. When Harry robs the Buckland Coach, Ned is the “nameless person” who blocked the road with a tree and held the horses so “Harry could go about his trade.” And thus Ned’s fate is sealed: He’s an outlaw forever. He makes something glorious of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn his telling of the story—which he has written down in his own words for his baby daughter to read one day, knowing he won’t be around to tell her himself—Ned seduces us completely with his rough-hewn, punctuation-free prose that bounds and dives over the page. But what really warms us to this Robin Hood of a boy\/man is his strong sense of right and wrong: Ned is guided at all times by a fierce loyalty and a set of principles that happen not to coincide with those of the law. When his ma needs gold, he brings her gold; when both his ma and his sister are deserted by their faithless men, he’ll “break the 6th Commandment” for their sakes. And even though Harry and his own uncles use him “poorly,” he never betrays them. How can we not love this murdering bushranger with his big heart? It is the world that’s corrupt, not him, and we cheer and whoop from the sidelines as pistols flash and his Enfield answers. And so the novel makes outlaws of its readers.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNed Kelly is a valuable reminder that just because someone has fallen foul of society’s laws, he’s not necessarily bad. It’s up to each one of us to decide for ourselves what is right and wrong in life. Draw up your personal constitution, then live by it. If you step out of line, be the first to give yourself a reprimand. Then see: Guilt.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO ALCOHOL\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Alcoholism\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO COFFEE\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Coffee, can’t find a decent cup of\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO DRUGS\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Drugs, doing too many\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO GAMBLING\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Gambling\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO SEX\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Sex, too much\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO SHOPPING\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Shopaholism\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO THE INTERNET\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Internet addiction\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADDICTION TO TOBACCO\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee:\u003c\/i\u003e Smoking, giving up\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADOLESCENCE\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Catcher in the Rye\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJ. D. SALINGER\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eWho Will Run the Frog Hospital?\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLORRIE MOORE\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eIn Youth Is Pleasure\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDENTON WELCH\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHormones rage. Hair sprouts where previously all was smooth. Adam’s apples bulge and voices crack. Acne erupts. Bosoms bloom. And hearts—and loins—catch fire with the slightest provocation.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFirst, stop thinking you’re the only one it’s happened to. Whatever you’re going through, Holden Caulfield got there first. If you think everything is “lousy,” if you can’t be bothered to talk about it, if your parents would have “two hemorrhages apiece” if they knew what you were doing right now, if you’ve ever been expelled from school, if you think all adults are phonies, if you drink\/smoke\/try to pick up people much older than you, if your so-called friends are always walking out on you, if your teachers tell you you’re letting yourself down, if the only person who understands you is your ten-year-old sister, if you protect yourself from the world with your swagger, your bad language, your seeming indifference to whatever happens to you next—if any of these is true for you, \u003ci\u003eThe Catcher in the Rye\u003c\/i\u003e will carry you through.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAdolescence can’t be cured, but there are ways to make the most of it. Lorrie Moore’s \u003ci\u003eWho Will Run the Frog Hospital?\u003c\/i\u003e is full of the usual horrors. The narrator, Berie, is a late developer who hides her embarrassment by mocking her “fried eggs” and “tin cans run over by a car,” and she and her best friend, Sils, roll about laughing when they remember how Sils once tried to shave off her pimples with a razor. In fact, laughing is something they do a lot of together—and they do it “violently, convulsively,” with no sound coming out. They also sing songs together—anything from Christmas carols to TV theme tunes\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003eand Dionne Warwick. And we applaud that they do. Because if you don’t sing loudly and badly with your friends when you’re fourteen and fifteen, letting the music prepare your heart for “something drenching and big” to come, when do you get to do it?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA teenage boy who makes no friends at all yet lives with incredible intensity is Orvil Pym in Denton Welch’s \u003ci\u003eIn Youth Is Pleasure\u003c\/i\u003e. This beautifully observed novel, published in 1945, takes place over the course of one languid summer against the backdrop of an English country hotel, where Orvil, caught in a state of pubescent confusion, holidays with his father and brothers. Aloof and apart, he observes the flaws in those around him with a pitiless lens. He explores the countryside, guiltily tasting the communion wine in a deserted church, then falling off his bike and crying in despair for “all the tortures and atrocities in the world.” He borrows a boat and rows down a river, glimpsing two boys whose bodies “glinted like silk” in the evening light. New worlds beckon, just beyond his reach, as he hovers on the edge of revelation. And for a while, he considers pretending to be mad, to avoid the horrors awaiting him back at school. Gradually he realizes that he cannot leap the next ten years—that he just has to survive this bewildering stage and behave in “the ordinary way,” smiling and protecting his brothers’ pecking order by hiding his wilder impulses.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAdolescence doesn’t have to be hell. Remember that your peers are struggling to cross the chasm too. If you can, share the struggles together. Friends or no friends, be sure to do the silly, crazy things that only adolescents do. Then, when you’re older, at least you’ll be able to look back at these heady, high, hormonal times and laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee also:\u003c\/i\u003e Bed, inability to get out of • Internet addiction • Irritability • Rails, going off the • Risks, taking too many • Teens, being in your\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADOPTION\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eRun\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eANN PATCHETT\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Graveyard Book\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNEIL GAIMAN\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eChildren’s literature is strewn with adoptees. Mary Lennox in \u003ci\u003eThe Secret Garden\u003c\/i\u003e is a spoiled adoptee who learns to love in her new cold climate; Mowgli in \u003ci\u003eThe Jungle Book\u003c\/i\u003e is brought up by wolves; Tarzan in the novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs is reared by apes. A romance seems to surround these lost and found—and indeed who, as a child, hasn’t had a run-in with their parents and fantasized that they too were a foundling? Adoptees find their way into adult literature too: there’s James in Grant Gillespie’s \u003ci\u003eThe Cuckoo Boy\u003c\/i\u003e, a novel with some disturbing views on adoption but a riveting read nonetheless; Heathcliff in \u003ci\u003eWuthering Heights\u003c\/i\u003e, who upsets the delicate balance of his adoptive family; “Wart” in T. H. White’s \u003ci\u003eThe Once and Future King\u003c\/i\u003e, who is one of the rare success stories in this list—an adoptee who turns out to be Arthur, King of Camelot.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn reality, adoption is less romantic and can be hard for all concerned—for the natural parents who decide to give their child away; for the child who finds out in a nonideal way (see: Abandonment); for children who blame their adoptive parents for their confusion and who may seek out their natural parents, only to be disappointed; and for the adoptive parents who have to decide when to tell their children that they are “special” and not blood related. The whole matter is fraught with pitfalls, but also with love, and it can bring an end to childless grief (see: Children, not having). Anyone involved would do well to explore its complexity via those who have been there before.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOne of the loveliest novels featuring adoptees is Ann Patchett’s \u003ci\u003eRun\u003c\/i\u003e. Bernard Doyle, the white ex-mayor of Boston, has three sons: Sullivan, Teddy, and Tip. One is a white redhead, and two are black, athletic, and extremely tall. Bernard’s fiery-haired wife, Bernadette, Sullivan’s mother, is dead. Teddy and Tip’s real mother is “the spy who came in from the cold”—she has watched her sons grow up from a distance, aware of their successes and failures, their friendships and rivalries, and presiding over them like a guardian angel.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen eleven-year-old Kenya—the runner of the title—unexpectedly comes to live in the Doyle household, the complex family dynamics begin to move in new directions. Teddy and Tip seem to be successful, as a scientist and a would-be priest, but Doyle wishes they had followed him into politics. Sullivan has been in Africa for some time trying to help in the battle against AIDS, running away from a terrible incident in his past. With the new issues raised by Kenya’s presence, the stories of the brothers’ different origins gradually emerge, and it is Kenya’s simple but overwhelming need to run—beautifully portrayed by Patchett: “She was a superhuman force that sat outside the fundamental law of nature. Gravity did not apply to her”—that brings them all together. The overall message of the novel is clear, and delivered without sentimentality: blood matters, but love matters more.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eConfirmation that even the most unconventional parents can make a good job of adopting a child is found within the pages of \u003ci\u003eThe Graveyard Book\u003c\/i\u003e by Neil Gaiman. When a toddler goes exploring one night, he manages to evade death at the hands of “the man Jack,” who murders the rest of his family. Ending up in a nearby graveyard, he’s adopted by a pair of ghosts. The dead Mr. and Mrs. Owens never had children of their own in life and relish this unexpected chance to become parents. They name him “Nobody” but refer to him as Bod. During his eccentric childhood, Bod picks up unusual skills such as “Fading, Haunting, and Dream Walking,” which turn out to be very useful later on.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBod’s ghostly parents do an excellent job. “You’re alive, Bod. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you can change the world, the world will change.” Their wisdom from the grave gives Bod the impetus to live his life to the fullest, despite the tragedy of his early years. And he certainly does.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAdoption is never a simple thing. Honesty on all sides is essential to allow those involved to come to terms with who they are and what relationship they have to whom. Whatever part you play, these novels will show you you’re not alone. Read them and then pass them around your family—however that family is defined.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee also:\u003c\/i\u003e Abandonment • Outsider, being an\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eADULTERY\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eMadame Bovary\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGUSTAVE FLAUBERT\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eAnna Karenina\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLEO TOLSTOY\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ePatience\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJOHN COATES\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e•   •   •\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Summer Without Men\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSIRI HUSTVEDT\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe temptation to have an affair generally starts when those who are one half of a pair feel dissatisfied with who they are—or who they feel themselves perceived to be—within their current relationship. If only they could be with someone new, they think, they would be a sparklier, wittier, sexier version of themselves. Perhaps they justify their betrayal by telling themselves that they married too young, when they were not fully grown into themselves, and now their real self wants its moment on the stage. And maybe they \u003ci\u003ewill\u003c\/i\u003e be that sexier, shinier person—for a while. But affairs that break up long-term relationships usually go the same way in the end, as the old self and habits catch up, albeit within a slightly different dynamic. Often insecurities creep in too. Because if the relationship began as a clandestine affair for at least one of you, it’s easy to become paranoid that infidelity will strike again.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor Emma Bovary, the temptation to stray comes almost immediately after tying the knot with doctor Charles, stuck as she is in her adolescent preconceptions of what a marriage should be. While expecting love to be “a great bird with rose-colored wings” hanging in the sky, instead she finds her marriage to her adoring husband stifling and oppressive. Such absurdly sentimental notions of marriage, we are slightly embarrassed to admit, were picked up from literature—Sir Walter Scott is named and shamed—for at the age of fifteen Emma swallowed down a great number of romantic novels, riddled with tormented young ladies “fainting in lonely pavilions” and gentlemen “weeping like fountains.”* When she meets the lustful, false Rodolphe, full of clichéd flattery and the desire to serenade her with daisies, she is putty in his hands. If you suspect you are harboring similarly unrealistic ideas of romantic love and marriage, you need to dose yourself up with some contemporary realists: the works of Jonathan Franzen and Zadie Smith are a good place to start.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnna Karenina is not actively looking for a way out of her marriage to the conservative Karenin, but she certainly finds the full expression of her vivacious self with Vronsky. When, on the way back to St. Petersburg after having met the young officer on her visit to Moscow, she sees him on the platform, she is unable to stop the animation bubbling forth. And when she next sets eyes on her husband, she can’t bear the customary “ironical” smile with which he greets her (or, now she comes to think of it, his “gristly” ears). More strongly than ever, she feels that she is pretending, that the emotion between them is false—and she feels dissatisfied with herself as a result. Now that she has seen herself around Vronsky, how can she go back to being the Anna she is with cold Karenin?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat Anna also finds, of course, is that loving Vronsky involves guilt. In fact (and this time we take pleasure in pointing it out), it is while she is reading a novel about a guilty baron that she first becomes aware that the emotion has hatched within herself. Guilt and self-hatred ultimately bring the stricken heroine crashing down, for she can never shake the principles and values that formed her—particularly with regard to the love she owes her son. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation, be aware that guilt is hard to live with. See: Guilt, for how to survive a stricken conscience and still come out standing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA more devious way of dealing with guilt is to ride in the slipstream of a partner who has been unfaithful first. In 1950s London, the eponymous heroine of \u003ci\u003ePatience\u003c\/i\u003e is a contentedly married woman whose stuffy husband, Edward, expects little more from her than keeping house, cooking regular meals, and performing her duties in the bedroom, which she does while planning what vegetables to buy for tomorrow’s lunch. The revelation that Edward is having an affair with the not so Catholic Molly leaves her feeling oddly relieved. Her sense of imminent liberation rapidly finds a focus in the form of Philip, a handsome, intriguing bachelor who awakens her to what sex can be. Patience brings about the end of her marriage and embarks on a new life with Philip, somehow in an almost painless way. Even her three young children remain unscathed. Her suggestion that Philip keep his bachelor flat—where he works and where they sometimes have an assignation—seems to be particularly full of foresight. Perhaps a second home is the secret to an enduring second love.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSadly, Edward doesn’t come off so lightly: he is deeply thrown, his whole tidy world turned upside down, and is landed, somewhat unfairly, we feel, with the blame for it all. There is a chance that adultery may free you from a loveless marriage and catapult you into a fine romance. But there’s a chance it won’t. You may simply take your problems with you, be capsized by religious or personal guilt, and leave at least one wreckage behind, apart from yourself. The fact is, unless you married late or were very lucky—or are one of the fortunate few whose parents raised you to be fully in your skin by age twenty—you probably will hit a time when you feel there is more to you than your marriage, at present, allows (see also: Midlife crisis).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHaving an affair does not always destroy a long-term partnership, and if you’re the aggrieved spouse who suspects or knows that your partner is having an affair, it’s worth taking courage from Siri Hustvedt’s \u003ci\u003eThe Summer Without Men\u003c\/i\u003e, an intriguing take on the cliché of older man leaves wife of thirty years to try a younger version on for size. When her husband, Boris, announces he wants a “pause” in their relationship, Mia feels all the things you’d expect, and which you may feel too: humiliated, betrayed, and enraged. She ends up spending time in a psychiatric unit. (For help in dealing with this phase and to avoid temporary madness yourself, see: Anger; Rage; and Broken heart.) But then she takes herself off to the backwater town in Minnesota where she grew up, and where her mother still lives in an old folks’ home. Surrounded by various women who for one reason or another are living without men, Mia heals a vital part of herself. Sometimes, a relationship can be better for a dramatic “pause” in which grievances are aired—by both parties. And if you don’t want to return to a partner who has abandoned you, temporarily or otherwise, a summer without men (or women) may well give you the strength to forge ahead alone (see: Divorce).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe breaking of trust causes deep wounds, and for many couples recovery is just too hard. If your partner has been unfaithful, you have to be honest with each other and decide between you if your trust can be rebuilt. If you’re the one having an affair (or tempted by it), have a go at unleashing your unexpressed self within your marriage instead (to get some ideas, see: Stuck in a rut). You’ll save everyone a lot of pain and trouble if you achieve it, and it may make both of you feel better about yourselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eSee also:\u003c\/i\u003e Dissatisfaction • Guilt • Jump ship, desire to • Midlife crisis • Regret • Trust, loss of\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAGE GAP BETWEEN LOVERS\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eA Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMARINA LEWYCKA\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA May-to-December romance tends to worry those observing the relationship more than those actually having it. But the disapproval and suspicion of others can be undermining, and if you are on the verge of falling into the arms of someone significantly older or younger than yourself, it’s worth asking whether your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the ingrained cultural prejudice against large age gaps that persists in the West.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe first thing to establish is what you’re both in the relationship for—and whether either of you is in any sort of denial about your own or your partner’s motivation. When Nadia’s eighty-six-year-old father in \u003ci\u003eA Short History of Traitors in Ukrainian\u003c\/i\u003e announces his engagement to Valentina—a thirty-six-year-old Ukrainian divorcée with “superior breasts” and an ambition to escape her drab life in the East—she gets straight to the point: “I can see why you want to marry her. But have you asked yourself why she wants to marry \u003ci\u003eyou\u003c\/i\u003e?” Papa knows, of course, that she’s just after a visa and a posh car in which to drive her fourteen-year-old son to school, but he sees no harm in rescuing her and Stanislav in return for a little youthful affection. She will cook and clean for him, and care for him in his old age. That she’ll also clean out his meager life savings and bring them all to their knees with boil-in-the-bag cuisine is\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Penguin Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46300351627493,"sku":"NP9780143125938","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780143125938.jpg?v=1767740751","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/the-novel-cure-isbn-9780143125938","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}