{"product_id":"the-lonely-american-isbn-9780807000359","title":"The Lonely American","description":"In today's world, it is more acceptable to be depressed than to be lonely-yet loneliness appears to be the inevitable byproduct of our frenetic contemporary lifestyle. According to the 2004 General Social Survey, one out of four Americans talked to no one about something of importance to them during the last six months. Another remarkable fact emerged from the 2000 U.S. Census: more people are living alone today than at any point in the country's history—fully 25 percent of households consist of one person only. In this crucial look at one of America's few remaining taboo subjects—loneliness—Drs. Jacqueline Olds and Richard S. Schwartz set out to understand the cultural imperatives, psychological dynamics, and physical mechanisms underlying social isolation.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn \u003ci\u003eThe Lonely American\u003c\/i\u003e, cutting-edge research on the physiological and cognitive effects of social exclusion and emerging work in the neurobiology of attachment uncover startling, sobering ripple effects of loneliness in areas as varied as physical health, children's emotional problems, substance abuse, and even global warming. Surprising new studies tell a grim truth about social isolation: being disconnected diminishes happiness, health, and longevity; increases aggression; and correlates with increasing rates of violent crime. Loneliness doesn't apply simply to single people, either—today's busy parents \"cocoon\" themselves by devoting most of their non-work hours to children, leaving little time for friends, and other forms of social contact, and unhealthily relying on the marriage to fulfill all social needs. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAs a core population of socially isolated individuals and families continues to balloon in size, it is more important than ever to understand the effects of a culture that idealizes busyness and self-reliance. It's time to bring loneliness—a very real and little-discussed social epidemic with frightening consequences-out into the open, and find a way to navigate the tension between freedom and connection in our lives.CHAPTER 1 The Elephant in the Room\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 2 Frantic without a Peep:\u003cbr\u003e Busyness as a Virtue and a Curse\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 3 Self-Reliance:\u003cbr\u003e Do Lonesome Cowboys Sing the Blues? \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 4 Left Out:\u003cbr\u003e An Organism under Stress \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 5 Free at Last:\u003cbr\u003e American Living Arrangements \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 6 The Technology of Relationships:\u003cbr\u003e A Brief Review\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 7 Love and Marriage in a Busy World \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 8 The Ripple Effects of Increasing\u003cbr\u003e Social Isolation \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 9 Social Disconnection and the\u003cbr\u003e Mental Health Industry \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e CHAPTER 10 Staying Limber \u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Acknowledgments \u003cbr\u003e Notes \u003cbr\u003e IndexIn a wise, quiet, and gentle voice, Drs. Olds and Schwartz offer a devastating portrait of present-day American culture-the fragility of social bonds, the \u003ci\u003ebusyness\u003c\/i\u003e that has become a badge of social worth, the conflict between the need for respite from the frantic pace and the gnawing feelings of exclusion and loneliness that accompany our attempts to slow it down. This is a book for our time, a book that calls all of us to take a serious look at the social and psychological costs of the way we live today. —Dr. Lillian B. Rubin, author of \u003ci\u003eJust Friends, Intimate Strangers\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003e60 on Up\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"In today's society the pursuit of individual happiness, materialism, and the frenetic pace of life has led many people unwittingly into lifestyles where they feel lonely and excluded. Yet we know that such states are damaging to physical and mental health. In their important new book, Drs. Olds and Schwartz provide a compassionate and insightful analysis of the conflicting currents that have led to this state of affairs, and they describe ways in which this pattern can be changed through individual and community efforts.\"—Dr. Bruce S. McEwen, author of \u003ci\u003eThe End of Stress as We Know It\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"An insightful, important, and comprehensive look at the causes and effects of the pervasive psychological and social isolation within contemporary American culture. The authors offer wise, compassionate, and helpful strategies toward the renewal of our essential human connections.\"—Janet L. Surrey, Ph.D. Founding Scholar, Jean Baker Miller Training Institute, Wellesley College, and Samuel Shem, author of \u003ci\u003eThe House of God\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"If you want to know why, in the midst of so many and so much, Americans all too often feel alone and disconnected, this is the volume for you. Drs. Olds and Schwartz have written a book that is scientifically rigorous and socially acute, delving deep into the latest research on the neurobiology behind our need for connection and the adverse effects of social isolation, while also unpacking the dangerous cultural myths that would deny these needs. Hooray for Olds and Schwartz's sagacity, lucidity, humanity, and practicality. Read their book and take their advice for your own sake and for the rest of us, as well!\"—Dr. William Pollack, author of \u003ci\u003eReal Boys, Rescuing Ours Sons from the Myth of Masculinity\u003c\/i\u003e and director of the Centers for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital\/Harvard Medical School \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Our contemporary situation is one of material affluence and social isolation. Olds and Schwartz provide a thoughtful and important analysis of how we came to cut ourselves off from one another, and what the consequences are.\"—Daniel Nettle, PhD, author of \u003ci\u003eHappiness: The Science behind Your Smile\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003eJacqueline Olds\u003c\/b\u003e and \u003cb\u003eRichard S. Schwartz\u003c\/b\u003e are both Associate Clinical Professors of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical  School. Dr. Olds teaches child psychiatry and Dr. Schwartz teaches  adult psychiatry at the McLean and Massachusetts General Hospitals. They  are both psychoanalysts. Married to each other and with two grown  children, they each maintain a private practice in Cambridge, MA. They  have written two other books, \u003ci\u003eOvercoming Loneliness in Everyday Life\u003c\/i\u003e (1996, Carol Publishing Group) and \u003ci\u003eMarriage in Motion\u003c\/i\u003e (2000, Perseus Publishing Group).Americans in the twenty-first century devote more technology\u003cbr\u003e to staying connected than any society in history, yet somehow\u003cbr\u003e the devices fail us: studies show that we feel increasingly alone.\u003cbr\u003e Our lives are spent in a tug-of-war between conflicting desires—\u003cbr\u003e we want to stay connected, and we want to be free. We lurch back\u003cbr\u003e and forth, reaching for both, and are surprised by our sadness\u003cbr\u003e when one side actually wins. How much of one should we give up\u003cbr\u003e in order to have more of the other? How do we know when we’ve\u003cbr\u003e got it right?\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e This argument probably began as soon as language made it\u003cbr\u003e possible for groups to argue, but it is also a particularly American\u003cbr\u003e controversy. Over the last decade, the debate about freedom\u003cbr\u003e and connection in the United States has leaped from rarely read\u003cbr\u003e doctoral dissertations to front-page national news. What caught\u003cbr\u003e people’s attention was a series of alarms, given in the form of\u003cbr\u003e data-driven studies, suggesting that our society is in the midst\u003cbr\u003e of a dramatic and progressive slide toward disconnection. Robert\u003cbr\u003e Putnam’s \u003ci\u003eBowling Alone \u003c\/i\u003ewas the loudest alarm, combining extensive\u003cbr\u003e data on the fraying of social connections with a powerful thesis\u003cbr\u003e demonstrating the importance of social networks to a healthy\u003cbr\u003e democracy. The book struck a chord and seemingly endless pub-lic \u003cbr\u003e debate about whether or not Putnam was ignoring new forms\u003cbr\u003e of connection that were every bit as effective as the waning old\u003cbr\u003e forms. Questions ranged from the trivial (don’t burgeoning youthsoccer\u003cbr\u003e leagues matter as much as disappearing bowling leagues?)\u003cbr\u003e to the technological (what about the Internet and cell phones?).\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e These issues were brought into sharp focus recently by two\u003cbr\u003e major studies. In the first, using data from the General Social Survey\u003cbr\u003e (GSS), a group headed by Duke University researcher Miller\u003cbr\u003e McPherson found that between 1985 and 2004, the number of\u003cbr\u003e people with whom the average American discussed “important\u003cbr\u003e matters” dropped from three to two. Even more stunning, the\u003cbr\u003e number of people who said there was \u003ci\u003eno one \u003c\/i\u003ewith whom they discussed\u003cbr\u003e important matters tripled: in 2004, individuals without a\u003cbr\u003e single confidant now made up nearly a quarter of those surveyed.1\u003cbr\u003e Our country is now filled with them. For readers who remain\u003cbr\u003e skeptical, it is worth noting that the authors of the study themselves\u003cbr\u003e were skeptics. They were surprised by their own results;\u003cbr\u003e they had expected to prove Putnam wrong.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e The second study was the 2000 U.S. census. One of the most\u003cbr\u003e remarkable facts to emerge from this census is that one out of\u003cbr\u003e every four households consists of one person only. The number\u003cbr\u003e of one-person households has been increasing steadily since 1940,\u003cbr\u003e when they accounted for roughly 7 percent of households; today,\u003cbr\u003e there are more people living alone than at any point in U.S. history.\u003cbr\u003e 2 Placing the census data and the General Social Survey side\u003cbr\u003e by side, the evidence that this country is in the midst of a major social\u003cbr\u003e change is overwhelming.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e The significance of this increased aloneness is amplified by a\u003cbr\u003e very different body of research. There is now a clear consensus\u003cbr\u003e among medical researchers that social connection has powerful\u003cbr\u003e effects on health. Socially connected people live longer, respond\u003cbr\u003e better to stress, have more robust immune systems, and do better\u003cbr\u003e at fighting a variety of specific illnesses. These medical benefits\u003cbr\u003e derive directly from the social connection itself, not just from\u003cbr\u003e lifestyle improvements, such as better diet, more exercise, and better\u003cbr\u003e medical care, that might go along with it. Putnam argues that\u003cbr\u003e social connection is good for the country. Medical research has\u003cbr\u003e clearly demonstrated that social connection is good for individual\u003cbr\u003e health. Yet people in this country continue to drift apart. We want\u003cbr\u003e to understand why.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e In 1970, the sociologist Philip Slater published a powerful\u003cbr\u003e book called \u003ci\u003eThe Pursuit of Loneliness. \u003c\/i\u003eSlater wrote:\u003cbr\u003e We seek a private house, a private means of transportation,\u003cbr\u003e a private garden, a private laundry, self-service stores, and\u003cbr\u003e do-it-yourself skills of every kind. An enormous technology\u003cbr\u003e seems to have set itself the task of making it unnecessary\u003cbr\u003e for one human being ever to ask anything of another\u003cbr\u003e in the course of going about his daily business. Even within\u003cbr\u003e the family Americans are unique in their feeling that each\u003cbr\u003e member should have a separate room, and even a separate\u003cbr\u003e telephone, television, and car when economically possible.\u003cbr\u003e We seek more and more privacy, and feel more and more\u003cbr\u003e alienated and lonely when we get it.3\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e When Slater looked at the America of his day, he saw people who\u003cbr\u003e actively sought the very things that made them unhappy and bitter.\u003cbr\u003e He also asked why, but his answer got stuck in its particular\u003cbr\u003e historical moment. He wrote at the height of the Vietnam War, a\u003cbr\u003e time of increasingly intense confrontation between a mix of countercultural\u003cbr\u003e student radicals and hippies and what Slater labeled the\u003cbr\u003e “old culture.” Much of the book is a brilliant rant against the dominant\u003cbr\u003e culture by a writer who believed that society was poised on\u003cbr\u003e the brink of cataclysmic transformation. His subtitle was \u003ci\u003eAmerican\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003eCulture at the Breaking Point, \u003c\/i\u003ebut after more than four decades,\u003cbr\u003e nothing has broken. What we have instead is more of the same—\u003cbr\u003e more isolation (and more objective data on that isolation), more\u003cbr\u003e longing for connection, and more technology that promises better\u003cbr\u003e connections but never quite delivers. It is time to revisit Slater’s\u003cbr\u003e questions and seek answers for our own time.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e We came, and still come, to these questions as psychiatrists.\u003cbr\u003e Our first concern was the welfare of our patients: we began to\u003cbr\u003e notice how much of their suffering was bound up in isolation\u003cbr\u003e and loneliness, whatever other diagnostic labels might be applied\u003cbr\u003e to them. We began to notice how hard it was for our patients\u003cbr\u003e to talk about their isolation, which seemed to fill them with deep\u003cbr\u003e shame. We began to notice that most of our patients were more\u003cbr\u003e comfortable saying they were \u003ci\u003edepressed \u003c\/i\u003ethan saying they were\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003elonely. \u003c\/i\u003eSomehow, while our culture has successfully destigmatized\u003cbr\u003e mental illness (at least a little), it has restigmatized an ordinary human\u003cbr\u003e emotion. Finally, we began to notice versions of the same suffering\u003cbr\u003e around us in friends, family, and acquaintances, and, again,\u003cbr\u003e what puzzled us more than the disconnection itself was an almost\u003cbr\u003e reflexive denial that it mattered. Someone would talk at length\u003cbr\u003e and with great sadness about losing contact with formerly close\u003cbr\u003e family members and friends, and then the whole subject would be\u003cbr\u003e shrugged off as if it were just a minor inconvenience in a typically\u003cbr\u003e busy life. The word \u003ci\u003elonely \u003c\/i\u003ewas determinedly avoided, yet the denial\u003cbr\u003e of loneliness is horribly self-defeating. Health and happiness,\u003cbr\u003e the two things we all say matter most, are certifiably linked to social\u003cbr\u003e connectedness.","brand":"Beacon Press","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46303814648037,"sku":"NP9780807000359","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780807000359.jpg?v=1767740297","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/the-lonely-american-isbn-9780807000359","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}