{"product_id":"the-healthy-mind-toolkit-isbn-9780143130703","title":"The Healthy Mind Toolkit","description":"\u003cb\u003eAn empowering guide to overcoming self-defeating behaviors\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I can’t believe I just did that!\u003cbr\u003e Why does this always happen to me?\u003cbr\u003e I really should stop myself from . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Sound familiar? Whether we’re aware of it or not, most of us are guilty of self-sabotage. These behaviors can manifest in seemingly innocuous ways, but if left unchecked can create stress and cause problems in all areas of your life.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In \u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e, Dr. Alice Boyes provides easy, practical solutions that will help you identify how you’re holding yourself back and how to reverse your self-sabotaging behaviors. Blending scientific research with techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy, this engaging book will take you through the steps to address this overarching problem, including how to:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e   • Identify the specific ways you're hurting your success in all aspects of your life \u003cbr\u003e   • Capitalize on the positive aspects of your extreme traits instead of the negatives \u003cbr\u003e   • Find creative solutions to curb your self-defeating patterns \u003cbr\u003e   • Practice self-care as a problem-solving strategy \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Filled with quizzes and insightful exercises to personalize your journey from harmful behaviors to healthy habits, \u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e is the essential guide to get out of your own way and get on the path to success.\"\u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e is a phenomenal evidence-based guide for understanding how you're getting in the way of your own success and happiness, and then transforming those patterns of thinking and behavior one tiny change at a time.  It'll help you ruminate less, prioritize better, stay calm, and be less self-critical. This book is nurturing but not saccharine, and it’s packed with practical strategies you can start using today.\"\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Cy Wakeman, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eReality-Based Leadership\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"\u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e is one of the most enjoyable guides to self-understanding I've ever read. Boyes introduces us to parts of ourselves we might not know well, and shows us how to turn self-knowledge into positive change. If you feel stuck on old habits and pattens, this book will help you get unstuck\/break free. Boyes has a knack for suggesting small changes that can have a major positive impact on our happiness, health, and relationships.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e--Kelly McGonigal, PhD, bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThe Willpower Instinct\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eThe Upside of Stress\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"A wide range of tools, tactics, and strategies have been unearthed from scientists on how to better understand and master our psychology. You will be amazed at how much of this work has been distilled into practical take-aways in this single book. Consider this an opportunity to have a wise council in your glove compartment at all times.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e--Dr. Todd B. Kashdan, professor of psychology, senior scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University, author of \u003ci\u003eThe Upside of Your Dark Side\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I've read many self-improvement books and \u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e is extraordinary. It's an outstanding roadmap for optimizing your thinking and behavior that's based on the most cutting-edge science.  The book is packed with easy, practical strategies that will help readers improve the quality of their lives and decision making.\"  \u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e--Guy Winch, Ph.D., author of \u003ci\u003eEmotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Do yourself a favor and read this life-changing book! \u003ci\u003eThe Healthy Mind Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e shows us practical and simple ideas and hacks that anyone can implement across the different areas of their lives. Dr. Boyes explains numerous behavioral research-based concepts in layman’s terms, as well as how to navigate them to live optimally. No matter where you are in life, there is something for everyone in this book.”\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Rachael O'Meara, Leadership Coach and author of \u003ci\u003ePause: Harnessing the Life-Changing Power of Giving Yourself a Break\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eAlice Boyes, PhD,\u003c\/b\u003e is a former clinical psychologist turned writer and is the author of \u003ci\u003eThe Anxiety Toolkit\u003c\/i\u003e. She is a popular blogger for Psychology Today, where her articles have more than ten million views, and she contributes to various magazines and blogs. Her research has been published by The American Psychological Association.Chapter 1\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e How to Use This Book\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Welcome\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have you ever experienced that feeling of exasperation when you      realize you've created a problem for yourself? Maybe you stress      yourself out over a request from your boss that turns out to be      nothing, or you eat an entire family-size bag of popcorn because      you didn't plan ahead while at the grocery store, or you turn down      an opportunity because you're just not sure you can handle it.      Whatever your situation, there's a common theme-you're getting in      your own way.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In The Healthy Mind Toolkit, you'll discover the ways in which      you're holding yourself back and how to leave that behavior      behind. I'll help you escape from self-defeating traps so you can      enjoy a clear, calm mind and more productivity, freedom, and      resilience.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Together, we'll identify where you go wrong with your decision      making. Then I'll help you put together a personalized toolkit of      the skills you'll need for optimizing your thoughts and actions,      which we'll tailor to your nature, lifestyle, and preferences. The      result will be that you'll feel more relaxed, you'll sense your      life is on the right track, and you'll have enough mental energy      to withstand everyday stress and take on meaningful personal      challenges.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The book is divided into five sections: understanding yourself,      foundation skills, correcting thinking errors, relationships      psychology, and finally, work and money. In modern life, most of      us don't have any spare time or willpower for implementing ideas      that are excessively complicated and exhausting. You need easy,      practical solutions, which is exactly what you'll learn here.      We'll work on both knowing what to do to achieve more of what you      want and how to do what you know, so that you can successfully      implement your insights and the book's tools.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Self-defeating behaviors are quite common, so you're certainly not      alone in having this problem. And while each person's unique      thought patterns and habits will be their own, there's a lot of      overlap across people too. I can personally relate to many of the      problem patterns we'll work through. In many cases, I've found      simple solutions that work for me consistently. I've got      strategies that prevent me from experiencing self-generated      stress, or I can easily spot self-sabotage when I'm doing it and      correct it on the fly. For example, I'm much better than I used to      be at taking breaks, switching off my phone, prioritizing what I      work on, seeing and implementing the simplest solutions to      challenges, maintaining a balance between being cautious and      carefree (preventing excessive worrying and ruminating), and not      being penny wise but pound foolish.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In some cases, I find my self-sabotaging actions are harder to      consistently prevent. I tend to react to change and surprises with      anxiety-driven defensiveness. For example, a friend recently      suggested she coordinate her vacation with my family's existing      plans to visit a mutual friend of ours. My initial (internal)      reaction was \"Accommodating three sets of babies' nap schedules is      going to be such a pain.\" However, I know myself well enough to      spot this negative thinking as my typical first reaction to      virtually any proposed change of plans. Sure enough, within a few      minutes of thinking it over I realized the positives of all three      of us getting together would far outweigh any minor scheduling and      planning issues. My knee-jerk hesitation quickly shifted to      feeling really excited about seeing both friends. Likewise, if      someone makes an unexpected request of me, I often overestimate      what the person is asking me to do. It's only later when I've      stepped back and gotten perspective that whatever has been asked      of me seems achievable and not a big deal (or even positive). When      it comes to handling trickier requests (for example, being asked      to do something I don't want to do), an easy compromise or      alternative solution frequently seems obvious once I've had time      to digest and process what has been asked. Although I have good      insight into my patterns in this area, I don't always manage to      hide my initial defensiveness at the time, and I sometimes need to      go back and \"clean up,\" apologize, or correct my attitude after      the fact.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Ideally, using what you'll read here, you'll discover strategies      for preventing your self-sabotaging behaviors from occurring.      Realistically, you'll probably find yourself doing a mixture of      prevention and treating the wound, as I do. You'll permanently      solve some problem habits, but a few will remain works in      progress. I'll help you learn how to respond constructively when      these types of ongoing patterns occur, so you don't go spiraling      into harsh self-criticism and rumination or blaming others      unfairly. That way you can limit (or even reverse) any negative      impact of your tendencies on yourself and your relationships.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Interestingly, many self-sabotaging patterns that look unrelated      on the surface are actually two sides of the same coin. Here are      some common examples. Can you relate to any of the following?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e You:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have too much chaos in your life, and not enough structure and      routine.        Stick too rigidly to self-imposed rules and      routines.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Give up too soon.        Persist too much.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Get excited and rush into action, without enough thought.             Overthink and delay action because you never feel 100 percent      sure.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have a thinking style that's too optimistic. You focus mainly on      the potential upside of actions and don't pay enough attention to      potential problems.        Have a thinking style that's too      pessimistic. You shoot down good ideas, sweat the small stuff, and      hold back from potentially wonderful opportunities.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Fail to reflect on and learn from past mistakes.        Ruminate      about the past and are prone to feeling excessive guilt and shame.      \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have a \"now\" focus. You prioritize current wants at the expense of      future well-being.        Have a future focus. You deny yourself      pleasure now in the hope of reaping rewards later. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Take too little responsibility. You have a tendency to blame      others. You underestimate your control over your life. You hand      responsibility over to others.        Take too much      responsibility. You overestimate your control over events and      other people. You resist delegating.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Don't assert your preferences.        Tend to dictate that others      fit in with your terms, schedule, and preferences.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have too little understanding of yourself and your nature. You do      too little self-reflection.        Have too rigid a view of your      own nature. You do too much navel gazing.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Tend to underestimate how hard or time-consuming tasks will be.             Tend to overestimate how hard or time-consuming tasks will be      and fear them unnecessarily.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Underwork.        Overwork.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Don't utilize small scraps of time effectively.        Cram      productive activity into any spare second, without giving yourself      any true, guilt-free downtime.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Think too big.        Think too small.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Don't care what other people think or the impact you have on      others.        Ruminate about what other people think.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Are prone to narcissism and overconfidence.        Are prone to      self-doubt and imposter syndrome.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Are too trusting of others.        Are distrusting and suspicious.      You have a negative expectation of others.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e You avoid conflict.        Never hold back from nagging or picking      a fight.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Believe rules don't apply to you.        Are too rule abiding. You      don't recognize that rules often have hidden flexibility or gray      areas.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Are too self-sacrificing.        Are too self-centered and      self-serving.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e As you can see from the examples, there are many, many different      self-defeating processes (some related to each other, some not).      Even very widespread patterns don't manifest in exactly the same      way for every individual. Rather than attempting to include every      type of self-sabotage (which would fill a library rather than a      single book), I'll provide simple, actionable tips for how to      tackle the most common self-defeating patterns and teach you the      principles behind these suggestions so you can adapt them for your      precise needs. The more you customize the material from the book      to address your specific habits, the better you'll understand it.      And if anything you read here doesn't gel for you, feel free to      ignore it. I'll give you plenty of options so you can choose what      suits you best. By the end of the book, you'll have a set of      specific solutions to apply in your life and a general toolkit for      understanding your problem tendencies and successfully working      through them.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The explanations and tips you'll read here are based mainly on      cognitive behavioral theories and research. The term cognitive      behavioral sounds formal, but it just means tweaking both your      thinking and your behavior to have maximum positive impact. The      dual emphasis is important because changing your behavior tends to      be one of the quickest and most effective ways to change your      thinking. A healthy mind starts with healthy behaviors, which is      why this book includes many strategies that are focused on      behavior, and why we'll concentrate in depth on the links between      actions and thoughts. To truly declutter your mind, you'll need to      streamline your behavior and switch out unconscious problem habits      for more deliberate choices.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Cognitive behavioral approaches have been extensively studied,      mostly as treatments for mental health difficulties. Decades of      research have shown that cognitive behavioral strategies are a      very effective approach for making emotional and behavioral      changes. Many common mental health problems, like anxiety and      depression, include significant amounts of self-defeating      behaviors, and these contribute to how people can get sucked into      spirals of rumination (overthinking about the past), worry      (overthinking about the future), and low mood. So although the      book isn't specifically focused on alleviating mental health      problems, if you have depression or anxiety, you can expect that      the strategies I've included will be also helpful for those      issues.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e You Don't Need to Completely        Eliminate Self-Sabotage\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Your goal for using this book doesn't need to be to completely      eliminate self-sabotage. In reality, that probably wouldn't be      useful because life is so full of competing demands and wants and      limited time and energy. A better goal is to identify and      eliminate the patterns that are the most damaging to your health,      happiness, and relationships. For example, putting off calling a      friend isn't the same as putting off making a doctor's appointment      after you've noticed a misshapen mole that could be a skin cancer.      I'll help you figure out what's important to focus on minimizing      and what's okay to leave as is. It's more critical to concentrate      on the self-defeating behaviors that have the most harmful effects      on you, rather than the frequency or number you do. By      prioritizing the patterns that have the most significant potential      consequences for you, you'll eliminate the majority of the      negative impact that self-sabotage has in your life.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Goal Setting\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e A Catch-22 you may encounter as you progress through this book is      that many self-sabotaging patterns also get in the way of      overcoming self-sabotage. Great, right? Not prioritizing and      trying to do it all is one example of this. To prevent this from      happening, let's look at several different approaches you could      take to prioritize the material in the book. Picking one of these      options now will prevent you from trying to change all your      self-defeating ways at once, becoming overwhelmed, and giving up.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Option 1: Calculate what a good return would be from your      investment in this book and set a specific, achievable goal to      obtain that. For example, for the money you paid for it and the      hours you spent reading it and absorbing the advice and      suggestions, you'd like to identify and improve five      self-defeating patterns.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Option 2: If self-defeating patterns are having a big impact in      only one domain of your life (for example, relationships or your      career), you might choose to work through the material that      relates to that domain thoroughly and read the rest of the book      for interest, without the expectation of action.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Option 3: If you're more motivated by taking a well-rounded      approach, you might decide to implement one change in each of five      life domains-general self-regulation, organization, relationships,      work, and money. Or you might choose to implement one positive      change from each chapter of the book.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Experiment\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e From the suggestions just given, identify your initial goal for      reading The Healthy Mind Toolkit. What would you like to gain from      applying the tips and strategies in your life? You can always pick      further goals after you've achieved your primary objectives. If      you set the bar too high initially, you'll end up feeling      overloaded.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e If you're worried you may not have the willpower to get through      this book and then go back and start implementing the advice you      like best, you can always pause when you reach an insight you want      to apply in your life. Practice it until it's routine and then      pick up where you left off in the book. This approach is likely to      be particularly useful if you tend to be an \"all research, no      action\" type of person.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Expect Your Insight into Your        Patterns to Fluctuate\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Before I became an author, I worked as a clinical psychologist in      private practice in my country of birth, New Zealand. A pattern I      observed was this: A client and I would spend a session untangling      a specific problem. The client would seem to have gained insight      into their pattern, and would leave the session feeling satisfied      they'd acquired new understanding and tools. Fast-forward a few      weeks, a month, or even the very next week, and the client would      report a situation that was fundamentally the same issue that we'd      worked through previously. However, to the client the situations      seemed different. Therefore, it didn't occur to them to use the      strategies they'd already learned in the new situation.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e If you notice this happening to you, be aware that it's a known      problem. It's not you, it's everyone. Frequently, it doesn't occur      to us to translate insights and skills we've learned from one      specific situation to other settings where they would be equally      effective. In the moment, similar situations often seem completely      distinct and unrelated to us. Sometimes it takes a while to get a      really good handle on your repetitive patterns, but with patience,      self-compassion, and perseverance, you'll get there. Expect the      occasional face-palm moment when you recognize you've slipped into      a familiar pattern you thought you'd resolved. You probably won't      truly understand a pattern until you can think of at least ten      different examples of how that pattern manifests in your life.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Even when your insights into your self-sabotaging patterns become      ingrained, and you have a variety of strategies that work for you,      you'll still have at least a few instances of falling into your      old traps. The good news is once you're at this point,      understanding what has happened and course correcting won't seem      nearly as difficult or energy sapping as it felt initially. Using      your strategies will become what you do automatically. When you      notice you've repeated a familiar pattern it can even feel quite      satisfying to whip out a solution you know works for you or simply      realize you've identified the pattern and can react differently      next time.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e A Note on Ditching Harsh Self-Criticism\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e If you find yourself thinking, \"That's me\" in response to many of      the patterns described, remember that we all have self-defeating      behaviors. The patterns in this book are extremely common. Many of      us, including me, have been there, done that, got the T-shirt when      it comes to these issues. Shame and self-criticism are      counterproductive to moving forward and are not warranted. Also      keep in mind that a book like this will attract readers who lean      toward perfectionism and taking excessive responsibility. You may      feel as if you are making a complete mess of managing your life,      happiness, and relationships. If you think that, pay attention to      what you're doing right as well as what you're doing wrong.      There's a saying from the mindfulness tradition that goes, \"If      you're breathing, there's more right with you than there is wrong      with you.\" If you found your way to this book, you clearly have      good problem-solving instincts and the capacity to execute a      strategy for helping yourself. Paying attention to only what you      perceive you're doing wrong is itself a self-sabotaging pattern.      How so? It strips you of the confidence and sense of self-command      you need to implement change. When people intellectually      understand cognitive behavioral skills but struggle to feel and      act better, it's often lack of self-compassion and the ongoing      presence of shame and self-criticism that are holding them back.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In addition, if, as you read, you find that you have difficulty      prioritizing which patterns to target, there's a good chance it's      because you're a self-critical perfectionist. When you have      extremely high standards for yourself, small imperfections,      errors, and inefficiencies can feel just as intolerable as large      ones. The perfectionist is as likely to unload a barrage of      self-criticism in response to the small missteps as to the large      ones. Self-critical perfectionists ruminate over small mistakes,      which causes the pain to linger well past the event and turns      molehills into mountains. Perfectionists often don't see      themselves as self-critical, even though everyone else does.      Because they expect themselves to be flawless, they see the      self-criticism as justified and don't recognize how severe it is.      I'll help you address this issue as we proceed together.","brand":"Tarcher","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46300859695333,"sku":"NP9780143130703","price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780143130703.jpg?v=1767739742","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/the-healthy-mind-toolkit-isbn-9780143130703","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}