The Ethan I Was Before

“Readers will be riveted.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review) 

Now in paperback, The Ethan I Was Before is an award-winning story of love and loss, wonder and adventure, and ultimately of hope.

Lost in the Sun meets The Thing About Jellyfish in Ali Standish’s breathtaking debut. A poignant middle grade novel of friendship and forgiveness, this is a classic in the making.

Ethan had been many things. He was always ready for adventure and always willing to accept a dare, especially from his best friend, Kacey. But that was before. Before the accident that took Kacey from him. Before his family moved from Boston to the small town of Palm Knot, Georgia.

Palm Knot may be tiny, but it’s the home of possibility and second chances. It’s also home to Coralee, a girl with a big personality and even bigger stories. Coralee may be just the friend Ethan needs, except Ethan isn’t the only one with secrets. Coralee’s are catching up with her, and what she’s hiding might be putting both their lives at risk.

Okra Pick (Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance) * Indie Introduce Pick * Indie Next Pick * Goodreads Choice Award Semifinalist * Carnegie Medal Longlist Title * Southern Book Prize Longlist Title * A Bank Street Best Book of the Year * A Children's Book Review Best Book of the Year * Georgia Children's Book Award Nominee * Recipient of the North Carolina Young People's Literature Award

• Loss of a Best Friend: Ethan is haunted by the dare that went wrong and the accident that took his best friend, Kacey. Now he has to figure out who he is without her.
• Friendship and Forgiveness: In Georgia, he meets Coralee, a girl with wild stories and secrets of her own. She might be the one person who can teach him how to forgive himself.
• Family Secrets: As Ethan grapples with his grief, he uncovers the painful history between his mother and the estranged grandfather he barely knows.
• An Unforgettable Adventure: When Coralee’s secrets lead them to an abandoned house, Ethan finds himself in a real-life mystery that is both thrilling and dangerous.

★ “Debut author Standish boldly tackles themes of death, guilt, and forgiveness in this tender coming-of-age story. Readers will be riveted as Ethan, his family, and other well-developed characters face the somber realities of life head on.” - Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“A moving debut. An uplifting book that explores the way grief evolves through the power of remembrance.” - ALA Booklist

“A deft balance between storytelling and accessible reflection for the middle-school reader.” - Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books

“Standish skillfully weaves the events and characters into the fabric of a story that is emotionally charged. A great addition to middle grade collections.” - School Library Journal