{"product_id":"the-emotionally-abusive-relationship-isbn-9781394171545","title":"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eA step-by-step guide to help both victims of emotional abuse and their abusers escape unhealthy patterns originating from childhood abuse and neglect \u003c\/b\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn the second edition of \u003ci\u003eThe Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, \u003c\/i\u003einternationally recognized therapist Beverly Engel walks readers through a proven program designed to help readers get to the core of their unhealthy behavior patterns. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis book was written specifically for two types of couples—those who mutually abuse each other and those with abusive partners who are willing to honestly look at themselves to and make the necessary changes to stop abusing. Unique among books of this type, Engel focuses on both the abused person and the abuser, offering non-judgmental advice to both groups. She offers effective strategies, techniques, and information to end abusive behaviors, including: \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e \u003cli\u003eWhy some people are attracted to abusive people and vice versa\u003c\/li\u003e \u003cli\u003ePatterns created from childhood neglect and abuse and how to break them\u003c\/li\u003e \u003cli\u003eDetermining if you or your partner suffers from a personality disorder such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder\u003c\/li\u003e \u003cli\u003eHow to decide whether to continue the relationship or end it\u003c\/li\u003e \u003cli\u003eThe importance of healing shame caused by childhood neglect and abuse\u003c\/li\u003e \u003cli\u003eHow self-compassion can help heal both victims of emotional abuse and the abusers themselves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Emotionally Abusive Relationship \u003c\/i\u003eis essential for those involved in unhealthy relationships or who have loved ones trapped in an emotionally abusive situation. Therapist recommended, this book is also a must-read resource for students of psychotherapy. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAcknowledgments xi\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAbout the Author xiii\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIntroduction to Second Edition xv\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePart One Identifying and Understanding Emotional Abuse\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 1 Emotional Abuse— The Destroyer of Relationships 3\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhat Is Emotional Abuse? 6\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow Emotional Abuse Does Damage 7\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDetermining Whether You Are Being Emotionally Abusive 10\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eNo Monsters Here 12\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eEnding Emotional Abuse 15\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 2 Patterns of Abuse 17\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDomination 19\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eVerbal Assaults 20\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eConstant Criticism\/Continual Blaming 21\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAbusive Expectations 22\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eEmotional Blackmail 22\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eUnpredictable Responses 24\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eConstant Chaos\/Creating Crisis 25\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eCharacter Assassination 25\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eGaslighting 26\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSexual Harassment 27\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eClear and Consistent Patterns 28\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eOvert and Covert Abuse 28\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIntentional and Unintentional Abuse 29\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 3 Not All Emotionally Abusive Relationships Are Alike 33\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Seven Types of Emotionally Abusive Relationships 35\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePart Two Healing Your Childhood and Your Unhealthy Patterns\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 4 Patterns That Begin in Childhood: Why We Abuse and Why We Take It 47\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Repetition Compulsion 50\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Core of the Compulsion— An Abusive Childhood 53\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAbusive Styles of Parenting 55\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Power of Unfinished Business 58\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eYour Original Abuser 59\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnother Pattern: Victim or Abuser? 60\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eAnger In, Anger Out—Male and Female Patterns 61\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow Shame Affects Victims of Abuse 62\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 5 Complete Your Unfinished Business (For Both Victims and Abusers) 65\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e1. Admit the Fact That You Were the Victim of Abuse or Neglect 67\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e2. Acknowledge to Yourself That You Have Unexpressed Feelings of Anger, Pain, Fear, and Shame Because of Your Childhood Experiences of Neglect, Abandonment, or Abuse 73\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e3. Allow Yourself to Feel and Express Your Emotions Connected to the Neglect or Abuse You Experienced 75\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e4. Find Safe, Constructive Ways of Releasing or Expressing These Feelings 77\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e5. Confront Your Abuser(s) (Indirectly Preferred) 79\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e6. Resolve Your Relationship With Your Original Abuser(s) (Set Boundaries, Temporary or Permanent Separation, Forgive) 80\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 6 Healing Your Shame with Self- Compassion 81\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Cure for Shame: Self-Compassion 86\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eRepeating the Cycle of Abuse 92\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePart Three Stopping the Abuse\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 7 Action Steps for Those Being Abused 99\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Program 103\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSpecific Advice and Strategies 121\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 8 Action Steps for the Abusive Partner 123\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Program 126\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 9 Action Steps for the Abusive Couple 147\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStop Blaming Each Other 150\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThe Program 152\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 10 When Your Partner Has a Personality Disorder 161\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDetermining Whether Your Partner Suffers from BPD 164\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eTwin Fears— Abandonment and Engulfment 166\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStrategies to Help You Cope and to Stop the Emotional Abuse 168\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDetermining Whether Your Partner Suffers from NPD 171\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStrategies to Help You Cope and Stop the Emotional Abuse 174\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eShould You Tell Your Partner that You Suspect They Have a Personality Disorder? 177\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhen You Both Suffer from a Personality Disorder 178\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 11 When Your Abusiveness Stems from Your Personality Disorder 179\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDo You Suffer from BPD? 182\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow BPD Can Lead to Emotionally Abusive Behavior 183\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow You Can Begin to Change Your Emotionally Abusive Behavior 186\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStrategies for Specific Borderline Behaviors 191\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDo You Suffer from NPD? 191\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow NPD Leads to Abusive Behavior 193\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHow You Can Begin to Change Your Emotionally Abusive Behavior 194\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eMy Personal Program for Overcoming Narcissistic Tendencies 196\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003ePart Four Where Do You Go from Here?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 12 Should You Stay or Should You Leave? 201\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStrong Reasons to Stay 203\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eYou May Still Need to Leave 205\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eStrong Reasons to Leave 205\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhen You Definitely Need to Leave 206\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWhen You Are Resisting Leaving 209\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eTrust and Forgiveness 209\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 13 Preventing Emotional Abuse in the Future 211\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor the Abused Partner 213\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor the Abusive Partner— Catch Yourself in the Act 217\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor Both Partners 218\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eChapter 14 Continuing to Recover 221\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eTrue Power Comes from Knowing You Have Choices 223\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eKey Issues for Victims and Abusers 224\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSpecific Strategies for the Abused Partner 228\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eRecovery for the Abusive Partner 230\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFor Both Partners— Finding the Right Therapist 232\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eTreatment for BPD and NPD 233\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eBe Realistic about Your Partner Changing 234\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eEpilogue 235\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eReferences 237\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eFurther Reading 239\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eIndex 243 \u003c\/p\u003e  \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eBeverly Engel, LMFT,\u003c\/b\u003e is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of twenty-three self-help books, including \u003ci\u003eLoving Him without Losing You, Healing Your Emotional Self\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eThe Nice Girl Syndrome\u003c\/i\u003e. Beverly frequently lends her expertise to national television shows and has appeared on \u003ci\u003eOprah, CNN\u003c\/i\u003e, and Starting Over. She has a blog on the Psychology Today website and has been featured in publications including \u003ci\u003eO, The Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post\u003c\/i\u003e, and more.   \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eA comprehensive and practical guide for those being emotionally abused, emotional abusers, and others trapped in unhealthy relationships\u003c\/b\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e“Engel’s seminal book on abusive relationships is both practical and empathetic. I particularly like that she helps victims explore their childhood to understand their triggers and why they’re in an abusive relationship. It’s easy to read and explains how to confront abuse, move on, and recover.”\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cb\u003e—Darlene Lancer, LMFT,\u003c\/b\u003e author of \u003ci\u003eDating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist\u003c\/i\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e“In illuminating the significance of shame in both the abuser and the abused, Engel reveals pathways for clearer recognition and, ultimately, healing for those caught in the web of emotional abuse.”\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e—Jerold J. Kreisman, MD,\u003c\/b\u003e author of \u003ci\u003eSometimes I Act Crazy\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eI Hate You—Don’t Leave Me\u003c\/i\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe \u003ci\u003esecond edition\u003c\/i\u003e of \u003ci\u003eThe Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing\u003c\/i\u003e is an up-to-date and evidence-based program for working through the psychological and personality issues driving emotional abuse in unhealthy relationships. This non-judgmental book is written for those being abused, those who abuse, and those trapped in mutually abusive relationships. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBeverly Engel, a leading expert on the subject, explains how to identify and understand emotional abuse and what motivates it. She presents strategies for stopping emotional abuse, both for the abused and the abuser, and includes specific information relevant for those who are suffering from, or inflicting, abuse as the result of a personality disorder. Finally, Engel offers readers ways to help couples and individuals decide whether to attempt to save their relationship or move on.  \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Engel's seminal book on abusive relationships is both practical and empathetic. I particularly like that she helps victims explore their childhood to understand their triggers and why they’re in an abusive relationship. It’s easy to read and explains how to confront abuse, move on, and recover.” \u003cbr\u003e —\u003cb\u003eDarlene Lancer, LMFT,\u003c\/b\u003e author of \u003ci\u003eDating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e“Beverly Engel provides fresh insights in the new, second edition of \u003ci\u003eThe Emotionally Abusive Relationship. \u003c\/i\u003eThe book compassionately considers both parties entwined in their reciprocal double helix of pain. In illuminating the significance of shame in both the abuser and the abused, Engel reveals pathways for clearer recognition and, ultimately, healing for those caught in the web of emotional abuse.”\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eJerold J. Kreisman, M.D.\u003c\/b\u003e, author of \u003ci\u003eSometimes I Act Crazy \u003c\/i\u003eand\u003ci\u003e I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e “Beverly Engel’s humility, clinical sensitivity, grace, and her expertise in her written works are just the tools that everyone needs to help with healing from emotional abuse. Beverly graciously writes about emotional abuse in a way that's relatable, resonates, and is easy to understand for anyone going through it. Her work exudes compassion, and she is able to describe abuse dynamics without disparaging anyone. She genuinely and unselfishly is motivated to help everyone heal and holds our hands to walk us through the recovery journey. I applaud her kindness and generosity.”\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e—Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD, LPCC \u003c\/b\u003e®\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Jossey-Bass","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47990213968101,"sku":"NP9781394171545","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9781394171545.jpg?v=1761786933","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/the-emotionally-abusive-relationship-isbn-9781394171545","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}