Rationality and the Pursuit of Happiness

RATIONALITY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

“This book is a labor of love! Michael Bernard has painstakingly transcribed a number of Albert Ellis’s therapy and demonstration sessions as well as a selection of his lectures and has used this material to excellent effect to make Dr Ellis’s views on psychological health and happiness come alive. A gem of a book on a gem of a man by a gem of an author.”
Professor Windy Dryden, Goldsmiths, University of London, UK

“Michael Bernard’s book reveals the importance of ‘rationality’ as a positive faculty of mind that enables people to strengthen their resilience and self-efficacy in order to not only cope with the inevitable challenges, demands and changes characteristic of our post-modern age but, in addition, through the application of different principles of rational living identified by legendary psychologist Albert Ellis, to live fulfilled and meaningful professional and personal lives. I confidently commend this book.”
Professor Field Rickards, Dean, Graduate School of Education, University of Melbourne, Australia

Albert Ellis, one of the world’s most influential psychologists, founded Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the 1950s. Over the years, this pioneering form of cognitive behavior therapy has advanced the emotional well-being of hundreds of thousands of people around the world. Yet while Ellis’s innovative approaches for helping people with emotional difficulties are well known, his views on the pursuit of personal happiness – which have also influenced generations of people both with and without such problems – are far more elusive. Ellis’s powerful arguments in favor of the rational pursuit of happiness are set out for the very first time in this book.

Rationality and the Pursuit of Happiness presents Ellis’s views on how the principles of rational living can be used by anyone to achieve lifelong happiness. Transcripts of private counseling sessions and public forums reveal the great power of rationality and the self-defeating nature of irrationality. Drawing on 50 years of Ellis’s writing, Michael Bernard shows how the emotional misery that arises from irrational thinking of the human psyche can obstruct our innate potential for self-actualization and happiness. In doing so, he firmly establishes Ellis as a pioneer of positive psychology and a human being whose superior intellect and years of public education and psychotherapy experience offer genuine insights into the eternal question of what makes for a happy life.

About the Author xiii

Preface xv

1 Albert Ellis and the Pursuit of Happiness 1

The Early Life and Times of Albert Ellis 3

Albert Ellis’ (Generally) Pleasurable and Happy Personal Life 4

Albert Ellis’ Professional Life was Self-actualized 6

Ellis Speaks Common Sense 8

The Dual Nature of the Human Psyche 9

Nature–Nurture 10

The Purpose and Goals of Life 11

Happiness 12

Self-actualization 14

Ellis Abandons Self-esteem 16

Finding Happiness: No Apologies Needed 17

2 Why We Get Unhappy 19

What is Unhappiness? 19

Thinking Makes It So 21

Irrational Thinking 22

Irrational Beliefs that Create Unhappiness 25

The Strength of Irrational Convictions 30

People Upset Themselves About Being Upset 35

3 Refusing to Become Desperately Unhappy 41

The Development of REBT 41

The ABCs of REBT 44

Disputing Methods and New Rational Effects 52

The Elegant Solution 63

Fun and Humor 64

4 The Philosophy of Happiness: Principles of Rational Living 67

Rational Principle 1: Self-interest 68

Rational Principle 2: Social Interest 70

Rational Principle 3: Self-direction 70

Rational Principle 4: Self-acceptance 71

Rational Principle 5: Tolerance of Others 73

Rational Principle 6: Short-term and Long-term Hedonism 74

Rational Principle 7: Commitment to Creative, Absorbing Activities and Pursuits 75

Rational Principle 8: Responsible Risk-taking and Experimenting 78

Rational Principle 9: High Frustration Tolerance and Willpower 79

Rational Principle 10: Problem Solving 81

Rational Principle 11: Scientific Thinking and Flexibility 83

The Rational Mindset of a Happy and Fulfilled Person 84

5 Love 87

Love Slobbism 88

Romantic Love 92

Jealousy and Possessiveness 98

Keeping Love Alive 103

6 Relationships 105

Encountering Suitable Partners 105

Mating 111

Separating 121

7 Sex 127

The Right to Sexual Enjoyment 129

Ellis on Sexual Morality 130

A Rational Approach to Sex Problems 141

8 Women 155

Depression 157

Weight 162

Dating and Mating 162

Work 166

Programs for Women 172

9 Homosexuality 173

Irrationality and Homosexuality 173

REBT Counseling 176

Aids 183

10 Work 187

Emotional Problems about Practical Problems at Work 188

Enhancing Decisiveness 191

Poor Self-Esteem in the Workplace 196

Perfectionism 201

Procrastination 209

11 Children and Parents 217

Parenting Styles and Discipline 218

Overcoming the Emotional Stresses of Parenting 220

How Parents Can Help Solve Problems of Their Children 226

Relating to Your Parents 229

12 Death and Dying 241

A Humanistic Conception of Death 242

Rational Living with Dying 243

13 Rational Living in an Irrational World 251

14 Albert Ellis Interviewed by Michael E. Bernard 263

On a Philosophy of Life as Therapy 264

On Religion 265

On Spirituality 266

On Politics 268

On the Mental Health of People in the Twenty-first Century 269

On the Future of the Human Race 270

On the Future of REBT 270

On Rational Beliefs and the Degree of Self-acceptance 271

On the Need to Strengthen Rational Beliefs 272

On Self-downing 276

On Self-Actualizing 276

On Homosexuality 277

On Marriage 279

On Sex 280

On the Use of REBT in Diverse Cultures 281

On the Use of REBT with Men and Women 281

On Dispelling Myths about REBT 283

On the Professional Acceptance of REBT 284

On His Work Ethic 285

On His Morning Mindset 287

On Dealing with Physical Ailments 287

On Satisfying Moments Over the Years 287

On His Recent Pleasurable Moments 288

On His Regrets 289

If He Had to Do It All Over Again? 289

A Rational Approach to Happiness 291

Article by Michael E. Bernard

References and Acknowledgment of Copyright 299

Index 301

“The book is a good detailed overview of REBT methods. Summing Up: Recommended. Upper-division undergraduates, graduate students, professionals, general readers.” (Choice, 1 July 2012)

"The principles themselves are taken from chapter 4 of Rationality and the Pursuit of Happiness: The Legacy of Albert Ellis, Michael E. Bernard's excellent summation of the great psychologist's life-work." (Jildy Sauce, 6 January 2012)

"This book provides a useful summary of what Ellis had to say on happiness." (Metapsychology, 15 November 2011)

Michael E. Bernard is a Professor at the Melbourne Graduate School of Education, University of Melbourne, Australia. He co-founded the Australian Institute for Rational Emotive Therapy, is a former Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Rational-Emotive and Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, and has written more than 50 books and journal articles in areas associated with mental health, resilience, peak performance, parenting, and school improvement. He currently consults with business and the public sector on principles of personal effectiveness, and is Managing Director of The Bernard Group.
Michael worked closely with Albert Ellis for more than three decades. Today, he is recognized as an international authority on Ellis' work and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Albert Ellis, one of the world’s most influential psychologists, founded Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the 1950s. Over the years, this pioneering form of cognitive behavior therapy has advanced the emotional well-being of hundreds of thousands of people around the world. Yet while Ellis’ innovative approaches for helping people with emotional difficulties are well known, his views on the pursuit of personal happiness – which have also influenced generations of people both with and without such problems – are far more elusive. Ellis’ powerful arguments in favor of the rational pursuit of happiness are set out for the very first time in this book.

Rationality and the Pursuit of Happiness presents Ellis’ views on how the principles of rational living can be used by anyone to achieve lifelong happiness. Transcripts of private counseling sessions and public forums reveal the great power of rationality and the self-defeating nature of irrationality. Drawing on 50 years of Ellis’ writing, Michael Bernard shows how the emotional misery that arises from irrational thinking of the human psyche can obstruct our innate potential for self-actualization and happiness. In doing so, he firmly establishes Ellis as a pioneer of positive psychology and a human being whose superior intellect and years of public education and psychotherapy experience offer genuine insights into the eternal question of what makes for a happy life.

"Al Ellis was a great psychologist and as Professor Bernard's book demonstrates eloquently, he was an unsung hero of Positive Psychology."
—Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness

"This book is the 'missing link' between one of the most prominent movements in the mental health field – rational-emotive and cognitive-behavioral therapy (REBT/CBT) – and one of the 'hottest' topics in the clinical field, namely positive psychology. By integrating the two, the book bridges a gap. Exploring the role of rationality in happiness, as conceptualized by Albert Ellis, the book shows (a) how REBT/CBT can be applied not only for preventing and treating disorders or for health promotion, but also for human development / optimization; and (b) how positive psychology should be conceptualized in a scientific manner, avoiding Pollyannaish thinking. Indeed, Albert Ellis convincingly argued that rationality is the 'royal path' to authentic happiness, and this book is a powerful guide for those interested in exploring and pursuing this path, be they patients, general public or professionals (clinicians and researchers alike)."
—Dr Daniel David, 'Aaron T. Beck' Professor of Clinical Cognitive Sciences, Babes-Bolyai University, Romania

"This book is a labour of love! Michael Bernard has painstakingly transcribed a number of Albert Ellis's therapy and demonstration sessions as well as a selection of his lectures and has used this material to excellent effect to make Dr Ellis's views on psychological health and happiness come alive. A gem of a book on a gem of a man by a gem of an author."
—Professor Windy Dryden, Goldsmiths, University of London, UK

‘Albert Ellis challenged us to work vigorously to abandon the irrational and emotionally explosive demands that we tend to impose on ourselves and others, escalating manageable frustrations into seemingly unbearable disasters, and needlessly promoting anxiety, depression, anger, and guilt. With a refreshingly original emphasis on the pursuit of happiness, Michael Bernard has provided a well-informed and engaging account of the life and work of this famed rational thinker and therapist that will make Ellis’s work accessible to a broad readership.’
—Professor Geoffrey L. Thorpe, University of Maine, US

‘Michael Bernard’s book reveals the importance of ‘rationality’ as a positive faculty of mind that enables people to strengthen their resilience and self-efficacy in order to not only cope with the inevitable challenges, demands and changes characteristic of our post-modern age but, in addition, through the application of different principles of rational living identified by legendary psychologist Albert Ellis, to live fulfilled and meaningful professional and personal lives. I confidently commend this book.’
—Professor Field Rickards, Dean, Graduate School of Education, University of Melbourne, Australia

Why do I love this book? Why do I now insist that all my supervisees purchase a copy? To put it quite simply in this marvellous book, Michael Bernard has managed to integrate one of the most prominent movements in the mental health field – namely rational-emotive and cognitive behavioural therapy with positive psychology. In what is a first, Michael has in essence illuminated the role of rationality in happiness, as conceptualised by the great Albert Ellis.
—Dr Michael Carr-Greg, Clinical Psychologist and Ambassador for Youthbeyondblue, Australia