On My Knees: A Memoir

On My Knees is Periel Aschenbrand’s seriously funny follow-up to her debut memoir The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own.

At the beginning of On My Knees, we find Periel chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch, watching reruns of Law & Order while she squats in her deceased grandmother’s apartment and adjusts to being alone for the first time in a decade. So begins a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell that includes crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with a man who just might be the one.

Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel’s riotous attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence.

Rebuilding a life from scratch is never pretty, but it’s always memorable:

• Candid Humor: From a possibly murderous dental hygienist to a mortifying encounter with Philip Roth over a bowl of cherries, Periel Aschenbrand holds nothing back.
• Single Life in the City: Witness the horrors of modern dating, including one-night stands so terrible they circle back to hilarious, all from a plastic-covered couch in a dead grandmother’s apartment.
• Jewish Humor: A sharp, witty, and unapologetically neurotic voice that feels like talking to your funniest friend after three glasses of wine.
• Finding Love Unexpectedly: A search for self that begins in single-girl hell takes a sharp turn in Israel, proving that the best things happen when you least expect them.

A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic best friend/wingwoman, Aschenbrand embarks on a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell involving crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with the man who just might be the one. Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel's attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence in a story so riotous it would make Chelsea Handler blush.

“Ribald, outrageous, gutter-mouthed, hilarious-a startling new voice in American letters. Watch out Portnoy, watch out Caulfield, watch out Bukowski, watch out E. L. James. Hell, everybody, real or imagined, just watch out! Because here comes Periel Aschenbrand!” - Jonathan Ames

“Unsavorily compelling. . .in the manner of a female Howard Stern.” - New York Times

“Bold, sassy, and totally fucking cool. If truth in comedy is my mantra, then the goddess I pray to is Periel Aschenbrand.” - Lesley Arfin, author of Dear Diary and senior writer for Girls

“Meet the Lady Gaga of literature! On My Knees is sexy, funny, titillating, and badass.” - Touré

“This uproarious, raunchy memoir evokes the same playful crudeness found in the writing of Chelsea Handler or Sarah Silverman. Fearlessly fun, Aschenbrand is perfect for those who have experienced heartbreak but are on their way to being back on top.” - Library Journal

Laden with sharp humor and funny asides - New York Observer

Brave, smart, sexy, and sharp, Aschenbrand is an expert at writing her life as a tantalizing striptease - Interview

“Periel Aschenbrand is funny, funny, funny. On My Knees is a cool book-made me laugh, made me think, made me keep turning pages. If you don’t buy it and read it and dig, you’re making a mistake.” - James Frey