{"product_id":"mom-theyre-teasing-me-isbn-9780345450111","title":"Mom, They're Teasing Me","description":"Through vividly written case studies and a reader-friendly question-and-answer format, \u003ci\u003eMom, They’re Teasing Me\u003c\/i\u003e is full of specific, how-to advice for parents to help their children navigate the sometimes harsh terrain of social life–which includes name-calling, after-school fights, esteem-crushing cliques, and malicious exclusion by the popular kids. Through thoughtful discussion and insightful suggestions, parents will discover\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• The difference between real risk and normal social pain\u003cbr\u003e• The appropriate time to intervene–and when to step back\u003cbr\u003e• Tips on how to mediate between children–without appearing meddlesome\u003cbr\u003e• The importance of teaching and encouraging leadership\u003cbr\u003e• The redemptive power of friendship\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eMom, They’re Teasing Me\u003c\/i\u003e answers key questions about the many manifestations of social cruelty, offers compelling descriptions of prime “teasing” scenarios, and illustrates how to counter them. It is an indispensable book for involved parents who want to make their child’s formative years rich and rewarding.“Deeply needed advice, reassurance, and good news . . . This much-needed book is a true gem.”\u003cbr\u003e–EDWARD M. HALLOWELL, M.D., author of \u003ci\u003eThe Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“A VALUABLE RESOURCE . . . [The authors] help parents deal with a range of social problems. . . . Just as important, they help parents distinguish between the kind of social antagonisms that can traumatize a child and the kind that are just part of growing up.”\u003cbr\u003e–\u003ci\u003eBooklist\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Once again Michael Thompson, Lawrence Cohen, and Catherine O’Neill Grace have reached into the hearts and minds of children and parents and given us deeply needed advice, reassurance, and good news. They show us how to deal with some of the most painful moments of childhood and, not only survive them, but thrive. Michael Thompson combines the knowledge and wisdom of a brilliant psychologist with the heart and love of an experienced parent. This much-needed book is a true gem.”\u003cbr\u003e–EDWARD M. HALLOWELL, M.D.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Few parenting challenges compare to helping a kid cope with teasing or being left out.  With empathy and understanding, \u003ci\u003eMom, They’re Teasing Me\u003c\/i\u003e gives parents age-by-age information and practical advice to guide and comfort kids through every stage of their so-called social lives.”\u003cbr\u003e–FREDDI GREENBERG\u003cbr\u003e   Editor in Chief, \u003ci\u003eNick Jr. \u003c\/i\u003emagazine\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“What a wonderful and helpful book. It is right on target dealing with a very difficult issue–one that all parents confront–in a truly sensitive and intelligent manner. Above all, Michael Thompson and Lawrence Cohen give answers–why it happens and what to do about it. I was really impressed by their ability to make helpful sense out of a truly difficult part of child-raising.”\u003cbr\u003e–ANTHONY E. WOLF, Ph.D.\u003cbr\u003e   Author of \u003ci\u003eGet Out of My Life, But First Could You \u003cbr\u003e   Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003eMichael Thompson, Ph.D.\u003c\/b\u003e, is a psychologist, lecturer, consultant, and former seventh-grade teacher. He conducts workshops on social cruelty, children’s friendships, and boys’ development across the United States. He is the author of \u003ci\u003eSpeaking of Boys\u003c\/i\u003e and coauthor of the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestseller \u003ci\u003eRaising\u003c\/i\u003e \u003ci\u003eCain\u003c\/i\u003e, as well as \u003ci\u003eBest Friends, Worst Enemies\u003c\/i\u003e, with Catherine O’Neill Grace and Lawrence J. Cohen. The father of a daughter and a son, he and his wife live in Arlington, Massachusetts. \u003cb\u003eLawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D.\u003c\/b\u003e, is a psychologist and the author of \u003ci\u003ePlayful Parenting\u003c\/i\u003e. He is also a columnist for \u003ci\u003eThe Boston Globe\u003c\/i\u003e. He lives in Brookline, Massachusetts, with his wife and daughter. \u003cb\u003eCatherine O’Neill Grace \u003c\/b\u003eis the author of numerous nonfiction books for children and was a former middle school teacher. For fifteen years she wrote a \u003ci\u003eWashington Post\u003c\/i\u003e column for young readers about health and psychology. She and her husband live in Waltham, Massachusetts.\u003cb\u003eTHE EVERYDAY LIVES OF CHILDREN: Normal Social Pain\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEvery morning when the buses pull up in front of an elementary,\u003cbr\u003emiddle, or high school building, an extraordinary\u003cbr\u003esocial drama unfolds. Most adults miss the importance\u003cbr\u003eof this opening act of the school day, because it is a daily theater,\u003cbr\u003eapparently so predictable that grown-ups are not alert\u003cbr\u003eto its intensity. But kids get off the bus with their minds\u003cbr\u003egeared not to Spanish, spelling, or computer class, but to\u003cbr\u003eseeing their friends. They're ready for the curtain to rise on\u003cbr\u003ethe action of the day--for the conflict and connection of social\u003cbr\u003elife.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eChildren suffer when they are teased or excluded or\u003cbr\u003ehave a fight with a friend--and parents suffer emphatically\u003cbr\u003eright along with them. Our job is to bear that pain and\u003cbr\u003ealso to put it in perspective. After all, we lived through\u003cbr\u003ecliques and betrayals and heartaches, and our children will\u003cbr\u003etoo. Of course, there are things we can do to ease the pain--\u003cbr\u003etheirs and ours--but our first job is to take a deep breath and\u003cbr\u003etrust in children's resilience and in the process of human\u003cbr\u003edevelopment.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe social troubles children face are so predictable and\u003cbr\u003einevitable that it is hard to call them traumas. Nevertheless,\u003cbr\u003ethey do hurt and they do sap a child's confidence. Losing a\u003cbr\u003efriend, having a secret betrayed, and being teased are just a\u003cbr\u003efew examples. As parents, we want desperately to help children\u003cbr\u003eescape these hard lessons of life, or at least master them\u003cbr\u003ewhen they do happen. We know that lectures don't really\u003cbr\u003ework, but we keep giving them anyway, just in case. We\u003cbr\u003earen't sure what else to do. We also know that our own endless\u003cbr\u003eworrying doesn't help, but we have a hard time turning\u003cbr\u003eit off.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eResearch shows that the majority of kids fall somewhere\u003cbr\u003ein the middle of the social hierarchy. Their status ranges\u003cbr\u003efrom basically accepted to well liked to wildly popular. For\u003cbr\u003ethese children, intense social issues (and pain) are still prevalent.\u003cbr\u003eIn fact, pressures and conflicts are universal as kids\u003cbr\u003edeal with clashes among the individual, the friendship pair,\u003cbr\u003eand the group. Most of the answers to the questions in this\u003cbr\u003esection begin with reassurance. Our goal is to help adults\u003cbr\u003eunderstand such factors as temperament, group dynamics,\u003cbr\u003eand child development. Our hope is that a better understanding\u003cbr\u003eof these things will provide some perspective, a\u003cbr\u003edose of optimism, and a little relief from the anxiety we feel.\u003cbr\u003eParents and other adults all have their own painful memories\u003cbr\u003eof social struggles. These memories are triggered when children\u003cbr\u003ehand over their pain to their parents. It's hard to separate\u003cbr\u003ethe new pain of your child's present from the old pain of\u003cbr\u003eyour own school days. It's a bit like getting your toe stepped\u003cbr\u003eon when it's already broken.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen we label much of what you worry about as \"normal\"\u003cbr\u003esocial pain, we do not in any way mean to trivialize it.\u003cbr\u003eThe pain we feel when we lose a loved one is universal too--\u003cbr\u003eand therefore \"normal.\" But that does not lessen its sting. In\u003cbr\u003efact, knowing that something is universal, that you and your\u003cbr\u003echild are not the only people who ever went through this\u003cbr\u003epain, can be powerfully comforting.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you read between the lines as you look over the questions\u003cbr\u003ein this section, you'll see that more often than not, what\u003cbr\u003eparents and teachers are really asking is this: \"Is my child\u003cbr\u003enormal?\" \"Are the children in my class normal?\" There is\u003cbr\u003eoften a great deal of anxiety and concern behind these questions.\u003cbr\u003eMuch uncertainty and anxiety comes from a lack of\u003cbr\u003eexperience about how normal it is for children to be in pain,\u003cbr\u003eor how normal it is for children to be so difficult for adults to\u003cbr\u003eunderstand and to handle. Normal children are not wonderful\u003cbr\u003eevery minute. Their friendships aren't always a scene on\u003cbr\u003ea Hallmark card. In fact, they throw us all kinds of curve\u003cbr\u003eballs. I often share with parents this quote from the brilliant\u003cbr\u003echild psychiatrist D. W. Winnicott in his book\u003ci\u003e The Child,\u003cbr\u003eThe Family, and the Outside World\u003c\/i\u003e, \"What is the normal\u003cbr\u003echild like? Does he just eat and grow and smile sweetly? No,\u003cbr\u003ethat is not what he is like. A normal child, if he has confidence\u003cbr\u003ein his father and mother, pulls out all the stops. In the\u003cbr\u003ecourse of time he tries out his power to disrupt, to destroy, to\u003cbr\u003efrighten, to wear down, to waste, to wangle and to appropriate.\u003cbr\u003eEverything that takes people to the courts (or to the asylums,\u003cbr\u003efor that matter) has its normal equivalent in infancy\u003cbr\u003eand early childhood (and in adolescence), in the relation\u003cbr\u003eof the child to his own home. If the home can stand up to all\u003cbr\u003ethe child can do to disrupt it, he settles down to play; but\u003cbr\u003ebusiness first, the tests must be made.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe have to bear the pain that our children share with us,\u003cbr\u003epain that might break our hearts or annoy us or remind us of\u003cbr\u003eour own horrible peer experiences. And we have to keep a\u003cbr\u003esense of perspective about all that pain. Indeed, the first rule\u003cbr\u003eof worrying as a parent is to take the long view.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThere is a story about an anxious first-time mother\u003cbr\u003ewho called her baby's pediatrician constantly, sometimes\u003cbr\u003eseveral times a day. After a couple of months of this, he asked\u003cbr\u003eto see her. This is what he said: \"Mrs. Smith, you have given\u003cbr\u003ebirth to a child. You have opened yourself up to a lifetime\u003cbr\u003eof worry. You have to \u003ci\u003epace\u003c\/i\u003e yourself.\" Kids, too, need\u003cbr\u003eto learn to pace themselves in the long-distance race of growing\u003cbr\u003eup.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn the first of the two case studies that follow, you will\u003cbr\u003emeet a mother who learned to manage her worry and to promote,\u003cbr\u003erather than anguish about, her child's friendships.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe second case study in this section will introduce you\u003cbr\u003eto Karen, a young adult, and her reflections about the complex\u003cbr\u003einterplay of identity, friendship, and popularity during\u003cbr\u003eadolescence. Karen's ability to look back on her own social\u003cbr\u003elife helps her make sense of a struggle that was hard to\u003cbr\u003eunderstand when she was living through it. We hope her\u003cbr\u003eview will give you added perspective on your own children's\u003cbr\u003eexperiences in the world of friendship and popularity.","brand":"Ballantine Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46304709804261,"sku":"NP9780345450111","price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780345450111.jpg?v=1767732885","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/mom-theyre-teasing-me-isbn-9780345450111","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}