I Want My Epidural Back: Adventures in Mediocre Parenting

Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child.

If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book.

But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book.

I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.

Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child.

If you’re the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s Pizza on speed dial, do not read this book.

But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put on their shoes and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book.

I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are, and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents do. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips, and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet, if you’re smart and read it there.

A CELEBRATION OF MEDIOCRE PARENTING

“Alpert is honest, humbling, and crass in this irreverent account on parenting. She doesn’t miss a beat, and mothers will find this playful book reassuring and endlessly funny.”—Publishers Weekly

“Karen is the best mom friend we all wish we had—hilarious, refreshingly honest, and gutsy enough to say what we all wish we could!”—Elle Walker, What’s Up Moms

My rugrats give me gifts that say “#1 Mom” on them and I’m like, bwhahahahaha, joke’s on you, I’m more like the #1,297,279 Mom. But they truly think I’m the best mom on earth. And that’s all that matters.

“[Alpert] doesn’t miss a beat, and mothers will find this playful book reassuring and endlessly funny...[Alpert] delightfully chronicles life as a ‘kickass mediocre parent.’” - -- Publishers Weekly

“Karen is the best mom friend we all wish we had - hilarious, refreshingly honest, and gutsy enough to saw what we all wish we could!” - -- Elle Walker, What's Up Moms