{"product_id":"how-to-be-single-and-happy-isbn-9780143130994","title":"How to Be Single and Happy","description":"\u003cb\u003eSingle, less stressed, and free\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e If you’re tired of swiping through dating apps, ghosting, and hearing well-meaning questions about why you’re still single, it’s hard not to feel “less-than” because you haven’t found your soul mate.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Until now.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003eHow to Be Single and Happy\u003c\/i\u003e is an empowering, compassionate guide to stop overanalyzing romantic encounters, get over regrets or guilt about past relationships, and identify what you want and need in a partner. But this isn’t just another dating book. Drawing on her extensive expertise as a clinical psychologist, as well as the latest research, hundreds of patient interviews, and key principles in positive psychology, Dr. Jennifer Taitz challenges the most common myths about women and love (like the advice to play hard to get). And while she teaches how to skillfully date, she’ll also help you cultivate the mindset, values, and connections that ensure you’ll live your best, happiest life, whether single or coupled up.\u003cb\u003eOnly book in the genre recommended by the Association of Behavior and Cognitive Therapy\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Jenny Taitz offers a skillful guide to uncovering your strength and contentment as an individual, allowing you to live more fully. Using engaging case studies and solid research, \u003ci\u003eHow to Be Singleand Happy\u003c\/i\u003e invites new insights into the stories we tell ourselves about relationships. This book is a gift for anyone who longs for real happiness.”\u003cb\u003e--Sharon Salzberg, bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eLovingkindness\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eReal Love\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Great misery can arise when our happiness is hitched to being partnered in an intimate relationship. Drawing on mindfulness teachings, psychological wisdom, case stories and research, Jenny Taitz offers compassionate guidance that can free our hearts from a binding cultural myth.\"\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003e--Tara Brach, author of \u003ci\u003eRadical Acceptance \u003c\/i\u003eand \u003ci\u003eTrue Refuge\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“You don’t need to wait to find your partner to find happiness.  Drawing on a wealth of evidence and experience as a therapist, Jenny Taitz has written a book that’s as uplifting as it is practical.”\u003cb\u003e--Adam Grant, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestselling author of \u003ci\u003eGive and Take\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eOriginals\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eOption B \u003c\/i\u003ewith Sheryl Sandberg\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“What if, instead of treating the unprecedented rise of single people as a crisis, we all searched for ways to make going solo easier, more social, even happy? In her clinical work, and now, in this excellent book, Jenny Taitz has done pioneering work to help people achieve more fulfilling relationships regardless of their marital status. I recommend strongly.”\u003cb\u003e--Eric Klinenberg, Professor of Sociology at NYU and New York Times bestselling author of \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eGoing Solo\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003e and \u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003eModern Romance \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003ewith Aziz Ansari\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Jenny Taitz has written a thoughtful, emotionally engaging book that offers plenty of insightful advice to modern women struggling to deal with the single person’s life and the ever-changing dating scene in the 21st century. Packed with real-life stories and full of useful tips, the book has a strong message of reassurance and hope.\"\u003cb\u003e--Roy F. Baumeister, author of \u003ci\u003eWillpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e  “At the heart of this honest and engaging book is a key insight—namely that our emotions are sometimes but not always helpful. And when emotions are not helpful—such as when we’re in the grip of anxiety about being alone forever—Dr. Taitz shows us how we can use scientifically documented methods for freeing ourselves from their painful grip. If you’re suffering in your quest for the Right One (or miserable from being with the Wrong One), this book is a must-read!”\u003cb\u003e--James Gross, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Stanford University\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e “\u003ci\u003eHow To Be Single And Happy\u003c\/i\u003e is an excellent guide to living your life Now rather than waiting for the perfect partner. Dr. Taitz has written a powerful and practical guide based on the best scientific research and self-help tools to free you from the myth that only married people can be happy. With a personal and engaging style, Dr. Taitz gives you the tools to living a full life as a single person. I will recommend this wonderful book to anyone who thinks that being single is something to escape from.”\u003cb\u003e--Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., author of \u003ci\u003eThe Jealousy Cure\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“We all yearn for connection and belonging, but our minds get in the way, pulling us into rumination, worry, judgment, and other soul killers. This wise and compassionate volume helps us reconnect with our values and bring them into our hearts and our relationships with others. This book is for you if you think it is time to set aside loneliness and \"not good enough\", and to let go of ‘what if ...’ and ‘if only.’ This book is for you if you think it is time to live.”\u003cb\u003e--Steven C. Hayes, co-developer of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and author of \u003ci\u003eGet Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eJENNIFER L. TAITZ, Psy.D., A.B.P.P.\u003c\/b\u003e, is a board-certified cognitive behavioral clinical psychologist and a certified dialectical behavioral therapist who specializes in offering people proven tools to enhance their life. Dr. Taitz is passionate about helping people move past habits that interfere with their capacity for joy. Her first book, \u003ci\u003eEnd Emotional Eating, \u003c\/i\u003eearned a Seal of Merit from the Association of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. Dr. Taitz has presented her novel clinical application on mindfulness and managing emotions at national and international conferences. She serves as a clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at University of California, Los Angeles, and maintains a clinical practice, LA CBT DBT. The author will donate a portion of her proceeds from \u003ci\u003eHow to be Single and Happy\u003c\/i\u003e to the charitable organization Distributing Dignity and Girls Not Brides member organizations.I'm assuming that you're reading this book for one of two reasons:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     1.    You're single and you're feeling disappointed by dating      or convinced you'll never meet \"your person.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     OR\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     2.    You're unhappily coupled but you dread being single      again.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Over the years I've spent as a clinical psychologist, one thing      I've learned is that many of my clients are pretty much convinced      that when they meet someone, they'll finally feel happy. I      definitely empathize. Women get the brunt of this pressure to      couple up; there's still no acceptable female equivalent to a      \"confirmed bachelor\" in our culture. Ages ago, older women who      weren't married were looked upon as \"old maids,\" a concept that's      never entirely left our psyches. Even the most well-intentioned      family members and friends can make uncoupled women feel like      there's something wrong with them with comments like, \"Don't      worry, you'll meet someone\" (as if that is the only way you'll be      okay) or \"He doesn't seem so bad. Maybe you're being too negative.      Why don't you just give him a chance?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e I know the fear and sadness that being single can bring. I also      know how disappointing it can feel to stay in less-than-optimal      relationships because it seems too scary to risk being alone in      case you never meet someone else. My goal, as I said earlier, is      to show you that you can live with happiness and fulfillment, with      or without being in a committed relationship. After all, over the      course of life, most people will spend time in relationships and      also experience periods when they are single. Once you get to the      end of this book, you will feel liberated by a new approach to      being single, one that will allow you to find more satisfaction.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e For a long time, I certainly believed that meeting my soul mate      was the key to my contentment. And it's true that finding someone      wonderful might increase your joy, though perhaps not as much as      you might think. In the pages ahead, you'll learn more about what      psychologists know about love and how it relates to happiness, but      first, I want you to take a moment to come up with your best      estimate of how much you believe that meeting your dream person      might increase your joy. Five percent? Fifty percent? One hundred      and fifty percent?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Now hold on to that number as you read this next sentence: The      belief that your happiness hinges on an external circumstance that      you can't control (i.e., meeting a romantic partner) not only      makes it harder to find love, but it also sets you up for      unhappiness. Letting go of the maddening myth that happiness comes      from coupling up is the first step to freedom. Stressing out about      meeting someone will not help you meet that person any faster. The      healthiest way to increase your chances of finding love is to      increase your happiness, right now.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e That's what my client, whom I'll call Juliana, ultimately      discovered. Sweet, funny, with lots of freckles, this      forty-three-year-old stay-at-home mother was as only child whose      parents divorced when she was in middle school. She told me that      her childhood was \"lonely,\" and that ever since she was a young      girl playing with figurines in her dollhouse, she was convinced      that a fulfilling marriage ensured happiness. As a young adult,      Juliana attributed her mother's sadness as a by-product of      divorcing her father years before.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In her late twenties, Juliana met George, the man who ultimately      became her husband. \"Right away, I felt like, if he's with me, I'm      good,\" she told me in one of our early sessions. The start of      their relationship was \"insanely blissful.\" Juliana described      herself as introverted and a bit nervous in social situations.      George was extroverted enough to be a talk-show host or comedian.      Juliana also told me that she'd struggled a lot with dating. \"I'm      not in the lucky gene pool,\" she told me, explaining that she      wasn't trying to sound negative, but that she was acutely aware      that she was \"below average\" in looks and didn't consider herself      to be particularly smart. She'd been anxious about dating and      eager to find someone and felt lucky that George, someone she      adored, reciprocated her feelings.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e By the time Juliana came to see me, she and George had been      together for thirteen years. Her marriage, she told me, was      \"pretty much over.\" George wasn't attentive and she explained that      they'd \"failed\" couples counseling. She told me that their      therapist had agreed with George that her wish for ten minutes of      nightly conversation was \"too much\" to expect, which left her      wondering if her nudging about anything had been unreasonable and      exacerbated the tension in their marriage.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The problem was that their needs were at odds with each other.      Juliana, who left her job in advertising after she had a baby,      craved adult companionship after spending her days with their      four-year-old daughter. George was bored in his work as an      accountant and exasperated by their New York City bills. When he      came home at the end of the day, the last thing he felt like doing      was talking. \"He's not the kind of guy who does things he's not in      the mood to do,\" Juliana said. Recently, he'd mainly connected      with Juliana when they were out in a big group and he was      drinking.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e After years of feeling they like were in a rut, George and Juliana      decided that they couldn't continue living together in their small      apartment. But they couldn't agree on what to do about their      challenges. Juliana hoped to improve the relationship; George      thought it was too late. He didn't want more \"work\" in his life.      While George checked out, Juliana was increasingly absorbed in      reminiscing about their early years. \"We clicked so well,\" she      gushed. She was also anxious about the prospect of returning to      dating, which she remembered felt like a constant stream of      frustration. Reflective and growth-oriented, Juliana continued to      assume, \"I could've been better and it's my fault.\" Instead of      mourning George's lack of commitment, Juliana was doing something      I've seen many women do in the midst of a breakup. She kept      telling me how great he was, seeing George through a cognitive      distortion called the halo effect, attuned to his virtues and      disconnected from his flaws.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e After hearing for months about Juliana's begging George to try a      new couples therapist with her and his continuously refusing, her      mother told her to quit pushing and go to therapy on her own.      \"Honestly, a part of me hopes that maybe if I fix myself, George      will change his mind,\" Juliana told me when we met.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e Happiness Studies and Love Stories\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Juliana assumed that repairing things with George would provide      her with joy. Let's see what research says about marriage and      happiness. Given we're all unique, every relationship is an      incomparable creation. Rather than sensationally promising      simplifications that reduce the complexity of what we know about      connections, I want to share a few broader findings on the topic      of happiness with you.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e According to the classic hedonic treadmill theory, everyone's      happiness seems to hover at a fairly stable set point throughout      life. What that means is that neither hugely wonderful nor      painfully tragic life events affect our well-being as much as we      think they will. We get used to jewelry (including a big ring), a      new house, and a promotion at work. We adjust to bad things too.      After a breakup, we spend time with friends. We laugh and smile      again. Generally, we recover. When it comes to happiness, the good      news-and the bad news-is that unless we practice specific skills      to alter our happiness level, we tend to bounce back to our      baseline no matter what happens. (We will cover these skills in      part 2.)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e What creates happiness, anyway? According to positive psychologist      Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues, happiness stems from three      factors: our genetics (e.g., that happiness set point), our      circumstances, and our activities. What's noteworthy is that      Lyubomirsky believes that circumstances, like finances or      relationship status, generally account for a smaller slice of the      happiness equation than our deliberate behaviors. What this means      is that your actions matter-which is hopeful since it's usually      easier to change your behaviors than to create your ideal      situation. In case you're feeling discouraged by the thought that      you might have a low happiness set point based on your genetics,      as a behavioral therapist, I'm pretty convinced that it's possible      to stretch your \"set point\" and that you are more in control of      your sense of well-being than you might assume.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Yet many of us chase a partner, running for years on the \"husband      treadmill,\" in the belief that finding the right person (i.e.,      changing your circumstances) will mean a permanently elevated mood      and a happier life (I'm naming the husband treadmill as a riff on      the hedonic treadmill, though this concept is directed toward any      coupling). While happiness may surge after a great date and      nosedive after a breakup, research suggests that eventually, it      will revert to your mean, sort of like your weight after either a      strict diet or an indulgent vacation. Despite what experts say      about adaptation, running on the husband treadmill, like Juliana      was doing, remains insanely popular.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Clearly, there's a chasm between what experts say about joy and      what the average person thinks about coupling. Juliana wasn't      alone in her theory about love. In a 2012 Reuters global poll of      more than twenty thousand adults, two thirds of those in      relationships said that their partner was their greatest source of      happiness and 45 percent of single respondents assumed that      finding a partner would grant them bliss. This raises the      question: Are people good at knowing what makes them happy?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Juliana, for one, looked skeptical when I explained to her that      despite what people assume, experts like Barbara Fredrickson, a      psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel      Hill, who specializes in researching positive emotions, don't      glorify coupling. In fact, Fredrickson says that the Reuters poll      reflects a \"worldwide collapse of imagination.\" She warns:      \"Thinking of love purely as the romance or commitment that you      share with one special person-as it appears most on earth      do-surely limits [your] health and happiness. . . .\" She      recommends thinking more broadly about closeness instead of      confining love to a lover. (I'll talk more about this in chapter      10.) While I can't prove that Fredrickson is on to something that      the poll participants missed, practically, I knew that the only      way for Juliana to feel freer was to think differently. Chasing      George, who, frankly, didn't seem worthwhile to me, was making her      miserable.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e To be clear, I'm all for love and relationships; that said,      there's little upside to believing that finding a soul mate is a      promising shortcut to lifelong satisfaction. From working with      clients like Juliana, I've come to realize that thinking that one      person is your life purpose will either drive you to cling to a      relationship or make you unhappy if you're single.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Beyond Juliana's dilemma, why do so many of us maintain these      miraculous views of coupling? One reason is that even as the      numbers of single women increase, single status still suffers from      a PR problem. Social psychologist Bella DePaulo has devoted her      career to studying stigmas around being single. In one of her      studies, researchers asked participants to rate a person based on      the following description: \"Anna has been living in Munich for      some years. She is currently single. In her spare time, she plays      the guitar and goes swimming.\" Compared to those described as in      relationships, singles were rated as less extroverted, agreeable,      and attractive. They were also judged as having lower self-esteem      and life satisfaction. Are these prejudices accurate? While the      single people described did feel less satisfied with their      relationship status and lonelier than those who were coupled,      their satisfaction with life, self-esteem, attractiveness, and      extroversion were comparable to that of people in relationships.      It turns out that not being in a relationship isn't a good      predictor of someone's personality or happiness, despite prevalent      stereotypes.","brand":"Tarcher","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46300485943525,"sku":"NP9780143130994","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780143130994.jpg?v=1767729376","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/how-to-be-single-and-happy-isbn-9780143130994","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}