{"product_id":"gentle-discipline-isbn-9780143131892","title":"Gentle Discipline","description":"\u003cb\u003eAs seen in the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e -- a practical guide that presents an alternative to shouting, shaming, and blaming--to give kids the skills they need to grow and thrive\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003eDiscipline is an essential part of raising happy and successful kids, but as more and more parents are discovering, conventional approaches often don't work, and can even lead to more frustration, resentment, power struggles, and shame.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEnter Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a popular parenting expert who believes there's a better way. Citing the latest research in child development, psychology and neuroscience, \u003ci\u003eGentle Discipline\u003c\/i\u003e debunks common myths about punishments, rewards, the \"naughty chair,\" and more, and presents practical, connection-based techniques that really work--and that bring parents and kids closer together instead of driving then apart. Topics include:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSetting--and enforcing--boundaries and limits with compassion and respect\u003cbr\u003eFocusing on connection and positivity instead of negative consequences\u003cbr\u003eWorking with teachers and other caregivers\u003cbr\u003eBreaking the cycle of shaming and blaming\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFilled with ideas to try today, \u003ci\u003eGentle Discipline\u003c\/i\u003e helps parents of toddlers as well  as school-age kids embrace a new, more enlightened way to help kids listen, learn and grow.“\u003ci\u003eGentle Discipline\u003c\/i\u003e is a thorough guide to raising confident, capable children. Sarah Ockwell-Smith delivers valuable information and balances it nicely with practical and clear advice for implementing gentle discipline. This is a book that will remain by your bedside for reference for years to come.\" \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Rebecca Eanes, author of \u003ci\u003ePositive Parenting: An Essential Guide\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Any parent who wants to guide their children with more respect rather than govern them with fear will benefit from reading \u003ci\u003eGentle Discipline\u003c\/i\u003e. If you want reduce power struggles and punishments and replace them with more connection and understanding, this is a great read.\"\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e--Jessica Joelle Alexander, co-author of\u003ci\u003e The Danish Way of Parenting\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e “What I value most about Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s latest book is that it honors the struggles of both children and parents. She helps us see how understanding both sets of needs yields resolution and connection, which are not words we usually associate with discipline! Readers are treated not only to fascinating new discoveries about how children’s brains and behavior relate but also to the ‘ah-ha’ moments that parents most wish for during times of conflict with their children.”\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk, developmental psychologist, Honorary Fellow, University of Dundee\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e “In \u003ci\u003eGentle Discipline\u003c\/i\u003e, Sarah Ockwell-Smith challenges us as parents to pause, take a step back, and understand why children behave the way they do, so that we can make respectful and effective parenting choices… Congratulations, Sarah, this is a comprehensive, pragmatic, and common-sense approach to redefining what it means to discipline our children. Children all over the world will be thanking you!”\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Tracy Gillett, writer, mother, and founder of \u003ci\u003eRaised Good\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\"The beauty of Ockwell-Smith’s guidance: She’s low on judgment and high on helpful insights into why your kid can go from angel to monster in 10 seconds flat.\"\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e--Bookpage\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003ePraise for Sarah Ockwell-Smith\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e “I love the way Sarah breaks the concept down into clear guidelines -- without being strident about one right way to be a parent -- and the way she addresses the challenge of shifting from mainstream parenting to more gentle ways. The world can be a harsh place; families don't have to be.\" \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of \u003ci\u003ePlayful Parenting\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e “Provides a welcome antidote to the storm of advice that so often overwhelms new parents.” \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e--Dr. Laura Markham, author of \u003ci\u003ePeaceful Parent, Happy Kids\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eSarah Ockwell-Smith \u003c\/b\u003eis a popular parenting expert whose blog (at SarahOckwell-Smith.com) is read by two million parents each year. A trained prenatal teacher, birth and postnatal doula, and pediatric homeopath, she is also the cofounder of GentleParenting.com. She lives in with her family, including four school-age children along with cats and assorted farm animals, in a 350-year-old cottage in rural Essex, UK.Chapter 1\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Why Children Misbehave\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In this chapter, we will look at the most common reasons for      misbehavior-that is, children's behavior that is deemed      undesirable and difficult. It is impossible to discipline gently      and effectively without a good understanding of the triggers of      misbehavior. Far too many experts concentrate on \"fixing the      problem\" without helping parents understand why it happened in the      first place. Any discipline that focuses solely on \"the solution\"      actually disempowers you as a parent. Remember that a good teacher      has a good understanding of their subject, and to achieve this      they must first take the place of the student. Understanding the      reasons for your child's undesirable behavior is the starting      point for knowing how to improve it. So with our student hats on,      let's step into the world of the child and try to understand      things from his point of view.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Do you ever tantrum? As adults we tend to refer to our own      tantrums as \"losing control,\" \"exploding,\" or \"meltdowns.\" Similar      words are used to describe tantrums in the teenage years. The fact      is that everyone, regardless of age, has to deal with overwhelming      emotions from time to time, and some cope with them better than      others. In fact, we often expect behavior from our kids that we      are not fully capable of ourselves.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Life is difficult and confusing. We all have a lot to deal with on      a daily basis, and if we as adults don't navigate the journey      perfectly at all times, then we shouldn't demand that our children      do. So accepting that your child will have meltdowns and tantrums,      just as you do sometimes, is perhaps the best way forward.      Resetting your expectations, starting with the baseline that      everyone misbehaves from time to time, is a great starting point.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In chapter 3 we will look at the neurological basis of behavior      and how this changes during childhood. The human brain differs      dramatically from babies to teens to adults, which means it is      unrealistic to expect children to behave in the same manner as      adults. Perhaps the largest difference is in the area responsible      for impulse control and regulation of emotions-which is why      resetting expectations for behavior so that they are age      appropriate is so fundamental to gentle discipline. For the      remainder of this chapter, however, we will focus on      nonneurological causes of undesirable behavior, although the two      are always linked. There are undoubtedly environmental triggers,      but a child's brain-whether she is a teen or a toddler-is not like      that of an adult, and this immaturity will always play a role in      her undesirable behavior, simply because she cannot control her      actions as well as an adult can.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Physiological Behavior Triggers\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have you observed that particular triggers of your child's      behavior are of a physiological nature? My children are all      noticeably more cranky when they are tired, hungry, or when      they've had too much screen time. I can also tell when they have      had friendship issues or trouble at school by their behavior.      Knowing their triggers allows me to prepare for, preempt,      and-sometimes-avoid any related bad behavior. It also helps me to      not take their behavior personally. From the child's point of      view, it's useful if they can recognize and avoid triggers      independently, without parental help, although it is the parents'      role to teach them about these initially. While toddlers,      preschoolers, and even infants might understand the negative      effects of certain behaviors, it is quite unlikely that they will      always be able to avoid them without parental help. But in the      tween (roughly ages eight to thirteen) and teen years, children      can become quite proficient at avoiding certain triggers without      any adult input.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e So let's explore some common behavior triggers in children of all      ages. They are in no particular order, and the list is by no means      complete. Remember that each child is unique, and that his or her      triggers reflect this; finding your child's own particular      triggers is what's most important.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Diet\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e For many kids, diet can play a tremendous role in their behavior,      and parents often notice significant changes after focusing on      this for several weeks. Despite popular opinion, sugar does not      make children hyperactive. It is undoubtedly not healthy, but poor      behavior is frequently wrongly blamed on a \"sugar rush.\"      Conversely, low blood sugar, or rather, low blood-glucose levels,      may affect behavior. The body releases a compensatory amount of      adrenaline in response to a fall in blood glucose, known as      hypoglycemia. This chain of events can cause a negative change in      behavior-a phenomenon sometimes referred to as being \"hangry,\" a      combination of hunger and anger, largely caused by the change in      glucose and adrenaline levels. Simply making sure that children      avoid becoming overly hungry can often have a positive effect on      behavior.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e One specific dietary factor that can have an effect on behavior is      artificial additives. While the varieties are too numerous to      explore in depth here, it's important to note that chemical      additives, such as those found in breakfast cereals, chips, candy,      juices, and even children's medicines, have been linked to      hyperactivity. If you suspect your child may be affected, be sure      to check the ingredients lists on the product packaging and speak      to your pediatrician.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Deficiencies in diet can also play a part. In 2013, research on      nearly five hundred children between seven and nine years old      found that low levels of omega-3, long-chain polyunsaturated fats      were associated with increased behavior problems, a lowered      reading ability, and poorer memory.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e If you suspect that your child's behavior may be worsened by      dietary triggers, the place to start is with a food diary, noting      everything your child eats and their behavior daily over a couple      of weeks. This can help to provide insight into any negative      reaction to foods, particularly additives. Analyzing their diet      can also help to identify any nutritional deficiencies. Ideally,      all of your child's nutritional needs will be met via their diet.      Omega-3, for instance, can be found in oily fish, such as      mackerel, salmon, and tuna, as well as flaxseeds, which can be      easily added to breakfast cereals. But when that's not the case, a      nutritionist can advise on supplements that might help to prevent      hyperactive behavior due to dietary deficiencies.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Lack of Sleep\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have you noticed a change in your child's behavior when they are      tired? Toddlers who have skipped a nap tend to be grouchy,      short-tempered, and sometimes clumsy. The same is true at any age      (including us adults). I can always tell when my teenager has had      a late night for exactly the same reasons.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e But how long should your child sleep? No one really knows. At      best, experts can provide fairly broad ranges for each age;      however, sleep needs are unique, and while some kids function      perfectly well on eight hours' sleep in a twenty-four-hour period,      others may need closer to twelve. The following table, based on      advice from the National Sleep Foundation, is a good guide to      sleep needs by age:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Bedtimes that are too early, as well as too late, can mean that a      child will not get enough sleep. If they are put to bed before      their body is biologically ready for sleep, research shows that      they take longer to fall asleep and are more likely to wake      overnight. A good bedtime for kids under eleven years of age is      somewhere between eight and nine o'clock. Teenagers, on the other      hand, are not biologically ready for sleep until much later.      Research shows that the sleep patterns of thirteen- and      fourteen-year-olds undergo a phase delay-that is, a tendency      toward sleeping at later times. This applies to both bedtime and      wake time, with a typical sleep onset time of eleven o'clock at      night. The problem here is that at this age most children still      need at least eight or nine hours' sleep per night, yet they are      expected to get up for school. The early school start is at odds      with their biological sleep needs, which invariably means that      they go to school having had too little sleep-and this sleep      deficit can create or contribute to many behavioral issues.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e In addition to bedtimes, another major issue kids struggle with      when trying to get enough sleep is lighting. Research has shown      that blue, or short-wave, light sources trick the brain into      thinking it is still daytime and inhibit the body's secretion of      the sleep hormone melatonin. Any night-lights in your child's room      that are not red (in terms of the light emitted) can inhibit their      sleep. Red light is the only one that does not inhibit the      secretion of melatonin. And it's not just conventional lighting      that causes an issue with sleep-screens such as televisions,      smartphones, and tablets also emit large amounts of blue light. So      these devices keep children awake due to biological responses, as      well as the obvious temptation to play on them. Screens have no      place in your child's bedroom, or even in the hour or two leading      up to bedtime.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Sensory Overload\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your environment? Perhaps a      place filled with many different smells, loud sounds, and lots of      people bumping into you? I personally find the London Underground      to be a bit of an assault on my senses, and whenever I travel into      London I am always grumpy and exhausted for the remainder of the      day.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Many years ago, I was exhibiting at a baby show in a very large      hall that was lit by rows of spotlight tracks suspended from the      ceiling, bathing everything in high levels of artificial light. My      stall was located next to the stage where several product      demonstrations and fashion shows took place throughout the day,      all accompanied by loud music, while the smells of toiletries,      aromatherapy, and curry from a nearby food stall filled the air.      At least a thousand people attended, jostling one another and      navigating strollers and baby gear through the busier areas. At      the end of each day's exhibiting, I went home with a pounding      headache due to the sensory overload, while almost all of the      visitors at my stall complained that their children were grumpy,      grizzly, and irritable, although most greeted me with, \"Hi, I'm      sorry, I don't know why my child is so unhappy.\" I told them all      to look up at the bright lights and imagine how they would feel if      they were reclining in a stroller and staring at them throughout      their visit. Then I asked them to imagine being surrounded by      hundreds of pairs of legs bumping into them and trying to sleep      through the throbbing music and the cries of other children in      their ears. And then I asked if they would feel irritable in the      same situation. Sometimes stepping into the shoes of your child      can give you all the answers you need.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Now imagine how your child feels when she starts school for the      first time at the age of four or five. At nursery or preschool she      was used to a small space and probably fewer children. Once they      start school they are, for one thing, the youngest, usually out of      at least a hundred children. The buildings are bigger and the      sounds amplified. Is it any wonder that they struggle with      feelings of being totally overwhelmed?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Imagine going through all of this again at the age of eleven.      Starting middle school is by far the most difficult transition for      most kids. If you found yourself in a new environment and battling      to make sense of it all, you might find that you were grumpy and      short tempered at the end of the day too. And imagine that you've      been trying hard to \"keep it together\" all day, but now that      you're home, with those you love and trust, you can finally \"let      it all out\" and release your authentic emotions.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e So many children go through this when they start a new school, yet      their parents don't understand why they are irritable and      \"naughty\" when they get home. They complain of school reports that      speak of a child who's polite and mature, yet at home they are      anything but. This behavior is common and understandable-the child      is finally home from day care or school and feels it is safe to      drop the faade in the presence of people she loves and trusts.      For parents this can be hard to handle, especially if they believe      that the child is being \"naughty on purpose.\" In fact, her      behavior shows what a great job the parents are doing, by making      the child feel secure and supported enough to be able to show her      true emotions.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e While most children will battle with feelings of being overwhelmed      at particular moments and transitions, there are others who      struggle on a daily basis. Research has shown that one out of six      children experiences auditory and tactile sensory symptoms serious      enough to negatively impact everyday life. Further research      conducted in the United States has shown that one in twenty      children experiences sensory processing disorder (SPD), often      described as a disorganization of sensory signals and responses in      the brain, affecting different senses. Children with SPD may find      it harder to process auditory or tactile stimuli or cope with      sensations. This can manifest in either an over- or an      underresponse. For instance, some children may find it very hard      to cope with certain fabrics touching their skin, to the point      where they find it unbearable. Some may find certain lighting or      sounds disturbing and some may not process certain sensations,      such as heat and cold, and thus expose themselves to dangerous      situations. No one cause of SPD is known; however, it is likely to      be a result of a combination of genetics and environmental      influences and situations.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Symptoms of SPD are often found on a spectrum, with some more      severe than others. As babies and toddlers, children with SPD are      often described as \"fussy\" or \"very high need.\" They can often      struggle with sleep and eating and may cry to be held, but then      arch away once in their parents' arms. They can also often be      extremely active, yet slow to achieve physical milestones; in the      toddler years, toilet training can be very difficult. As they grow      up, eating and sleeping problems may continue and they can      experience more tantrums than average as they strive to cope with      stimulation. Body contact with others can be challenging too and      they are said to \"overreact\" to different experiences. They can      often seem to be uncoordinated and find it hard to master fine      motor skills.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Treatment for SPD is multifaceted and often involves occupational      therapy and a therapeutic, sensory-rich environment to help to      challenge children in a fun and safe way. Many parents also report      success with alternative approaches with complementary therapies.      Sensory objects that can help a child to cope on an everyday      basis, especially at school, include special \"chewy\" jewelry,      stress balls, and \"fiddle\" objects that aid concentration and      fulfill their sensory needs in a socially acceptable way.","brand":"Tarcher","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46300300443877,"sku":"NP9780143131892","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780143131892.jpg?v=1767727932","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/gentle-discipline-isbn-9780143131892","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}