{"product_id":"fifty-shades-of-chicken-isbn-9780385345224","title":"Fifty Shades of Chicken","description":"\u003ci\u003eDripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more!\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eFifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.  \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e“I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . \u003c\/i\u003eHoly crap\u003ci\u003e.\u003c\/i\u003e \u003ci\u003e“I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something \u003c\/i\u003edelicious\u003ci\u003e. \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSo begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James’s sensational \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Grey \u003c\/i\u003etrilogy\u003ci\u003e. \u003c\/i\u003eLike Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.  \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts—“The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the climax of cooking)—\u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Chicken\u003c\/i\u003e is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWith memorable tips and revealing photographs, \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Chicken\u003c\/i\u003e will have you dominating dinner.\u003cb\u003e1: The Novice Bird    \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eExtra-Virgin Chicken, Vanilla Chicken, Popped-Cherry Pullet, Learning-to-Truss-You, Chicken with a Lardon, Spanked Hen, Hot-Rubbed Hen, Spicy Fowl, Slicked Chick, Hard and Crisp Chicken on Soft Dumplings, Basted Bird, Holy Mole!, Chili-Lashed Fricassee, Bone-In Broiler, Cock Au Vin, Pulled Pullet, and Please-Don’t-Stop Chicken\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e2: Falling to Pieces: Chicken Parts and Bits    \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eHoly-Hell Wings, Bound Wings, Chicken-Strip Tease, Sticky (Chicken) Fingers, Dripping Thighs, Spread and Stuffed Thighs, Pounded Thighs, Creamed Chicken Supreme, Go-Get-the-Butter Breasts, Steamy White Meat, Chicken and Tongue Ring, Pounded Tenderloin, Crimson Chicken Breasts, Iced Chicken Salad, Skewered Chicken, Chicken Hearts and Flowers, Chicken Sub\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e3: Advanced Technique: Chickens Gone Wild   \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eSpatchcocked Chicken, Capon on Top, Boned Chicken, Spread-Eagle Chicken, Safe-Word Fowl, Hard-Limit Bird, Hogtied and Porked Chicken (with sausage), Red-Cheeked Chook (with apple), You Dirty Bird, Backdoor Beer Can Chicken, Erect Chicken, Forcemeat Chicken Foam, Hard-Slapped Roaster, Rough-Stuffed Clucker, Quailing Chicken Gelee, (Flame) Licked Chick\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eEpilogue\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eAcknowledgments\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eIndex\u003c\/i\u003e“Will undoubtedly become one of America's most cherished cookbooks of all time.”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eEater\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e“Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades\u003c\/i\u003e and the gushing language of ‘food porn.’”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eBon Appetit\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“This genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary,”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eGlamour\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e“All signs indicate that \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Chicken\u003c\/i\u003e, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Grey\u003c\/i\u003e, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eHuffPost\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"The book that spawned ‘mommy porn’ has now given a new meaning to playing with your food. . . You’ll never look at chickens the same way again.\"\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eSalon\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Besides clever writing with laugh-out-loud double entendres, \u003ci\u003eFifty Shades of Chicken\u003c\/i\u003e offers 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry Baked Chicken With Apple Cider.\"\u003cb\u003e—The Republic\u003c\/b\u003eFL FOWLER is a pseudonym.Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”\u003cbr\u003e   Crap.\u003cbr\u003e   “No,” I squawk hoarsely.\u003cbr\u003e   “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”\u003cbr\u003e   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”\u003cbr\u003e   “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”\u003cbr\u003e   I know what his hard cooking is like.\u003cbr\u003e   “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.\u003cbr\u003e   “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.\u003cbr\u003e   My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.\u003cbr\u003e   Give me a B!\u003cbr\u003e   Whack.\u003cbr\u003e   Give me an L!\u003cbr\u003e   Whack.\u003cbr\u003e   Give me an A!\u003cbr\u003e   Whack.\u003cbr\u003e   Give me a D! E! S! \u003cbr\u003e   Whack whack whack.\u003cbr\u003e   What does that spell?\u003cbr\u003e   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.\u003cbr\u003e   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. \u003cbr\u003e   “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”\u003cbr\u003e   Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.\u003cbr\u003e   I must remember to cluck at him more often.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003eMustard Spanked Chicken \u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eroasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic\u003cb\u003e  \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eServes 4\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels\u003cbr\u003e1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste\u003cbr\u003e½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper\u003cbr\u003e2 tablespoons Dijon mustard\u003cbr\u003e2 teaspoons minced fresh basil\u003cbr\u003e2 garlic cloves, minced\u003cbr\u003e3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e***\u003cbr\u003e   \u003cbr\u003e   The way his apron hangs from his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats my thighs with sticky liquid I can hardly contain myself. Is it the wine, or is my aroma starting to drive him crazy too? \u003cbr\u003e   He heats me up fast, it won’t take much to finish me off now. His lips quirk up into a smile. My own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I get the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and down. It’s epicureanism run wild!\u003cbr\u003e   He spreads my thighs out on a plate. Sticky hands and at least five wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? Who cares?\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003eDripping Thighs\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eroasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003e  \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eServes 4\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels\u003cbr\u003e2 garlic cloves, finely chopped\u003cbr\u003e1 teaspoon plus pinch coarse kosher salt\u003cbr\u003e½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper\u003cbr\u003e1 sweet onion, thinly sliced\u003cbr\u003e1 cup white wine\u003cbr\u003e1 bay leaf\u003cbr\u003e1 cinnamon stick\u003cbr\u003e2 tablespoons unsalted butter\u003cbr\u003e1 tablespoon honey\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and pepper together. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e2. In a small saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, bay leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and butter. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no longer pink and onions are meltingly tender and caramelized, about 25 minutes.50 Chicken Recipes Bound to Be Delicious","brand":"Clarkson Potter","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46301901029605,"sku":"NP9780385345224","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780385345224.jpg?v=1767726850","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/fifty-shades-of-chicken-isbn-9780385345224","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}