{"product_id":"fault-lines-isbn-9780593539132","title":"Fault Lines","description":"\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003eReal solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEstrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved--collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations, More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eFault Lines\u003c\/i\u003e shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer's ten-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThrough the wisdom of people who have \"been there,\" \u003ci\u003eFault Lines\u003c\/i\u003e shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.\"Rifts and ruptures upend tens of millions of families, leaving a trail of sorrow and despair. But in this wise and moving book, Karl Pillemer combines academic rigor and practical advice to show us how to move toward reconciliation. \u003ci\u003eFault Lines\u003c\/i\u003e is a book that will change lives.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003eDaniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eWhen\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eDrive\u003c\/i\u003e, and  \u003ci\u003eA Whole New Mind\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Chronic, seemingly intractable estrangement blights many families in our stressed and fragmented culture. In this thoughtful, compassionate book Karl Pillemer shows that it need not be permanent and his perceptive, gentle guidance lights the way to reconciliation.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003eGabor Maté M.D., author, \u003ci\u003eIn The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e\"Fault Lines\u003c\/i\u003e is a masterful study of the causes family estrangements, the reasons to heal, and the ways to make it happen. Don’t waste a minute. Read this book and get back together.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—Jane Isay, author of \u003ci\u003eWalking on Eggshells\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I could not stop reading this wonderful combination of new data, psychological insight, practical advice, and compassion.  It will be a terrific personal and professional resource.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003ePepper Schwartz, Ph.D. author of \u003ci\u003eThe Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Estrangement is the mysterious, intractable and secret pain affecting millions of families (including my own). With \u003ci\u003eFault Lines\u003c\/i\u003e, Karl Pillemer courageously rappels into the deep social crevice created by these devastating rifts. Using original research and empathic storytelling, Pillemer doesn't just explore this territory, but he shows us a way out. This is an extremely important and insightful guide for anyone wrestling with the heartbreak of estrangement.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003eAmy Dickinson, “Ask Amy” advice columnist\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"This is one of the most original contributions to relationship research and literature I have seen in a long time. It is filled with real examples and practical wisdom, but perhaps most of all, every page is filled with hope.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—Matthew Kelly, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThe Rhythm of Life\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\"A fascinating examination of family estrangement, which is far more common that you might think.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e–Gretchen Rubin, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThe Happiness Project\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003eKarl Pillemer, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized family sociologist and professor of human development at Cornell University. He is also a professor in the Weill Cornell Medical College. Pillemer is the author of the bestselling book \u003ci\u003e30 Lessons for Living\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003e30 Lessons for Loving\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003cp\u003eOnce  there  was  a  boy  named  Christopher  Robin.  His  greatest  joy  was to  wander  in  the  Hundred  Acre  Wood  with  his  friends:  the  little  bear named Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Eeyore, and other quirky,  lovable  animals.  Christopher  Robin  participated  in  their  many adventures  and  misadventures,  living  an  enchanted  childhood  in  a  se-cure, benign world. My guess is that you read and loved these stories as a child (and watched the many movies based on them). If you are of a cer-tain age, you have read them to your children and grandchildren. You probably know that the stories are based on a real person: Christopher Robin Milne. The real Christopher Robin’s father, the author A. A. Milne,  wrote  the  stories  for  his  son’s  enjoyment,  based  on  Christopher Robin’s menagerie of stuffed animals. The setting was a lovely forest near the  family’s  summer  house  where  father  and  son  wandered  and  played together. We see these stories as testimony to the love of a father for his son,  bringing  his  childhood  fantasies  to  life.  We  imagine  the  warm, loving  relationship  that  Milne  and  the  real  Christopher  Robin  must have had.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhat you may not know about Christopher Robin Milne is this: He became estranged from his father, and they remained alienated throughout their lives. Milne believed that his father had stolen his childhood. By early adulthood, he felt that his father had never approved of him because he was not living up to the family name. From the vantage point of midlife, the younger Milne leveled the accusation that his father “had got where he was by climbing on my infant shoulders, that he had filched from  me  my  good  name  and  had  left  me  with  nothing  but  the  empty fame of being his son.” The estrangement extended to his mother, whom he did not see for the last decade of her life. The feeling was apparently mutual,  as  his  mother  pointedly  refused  a  last  visit  from  Christopher when she was on her deathbed.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGiven this family’s fame, why aren’t these facts well known? For the same reasons that you do not know about your friends, neighbors, and co-workers who are in precisely the same situation right now. Shame, isolation, and embarrassment pervade family estrangements. In a society in which few topics are taboo, most people in a family rift feel so alone that they avoid speaking about it even to their intimate friends. Estrangement is hidden within the confines of the family and, when revealed, implies failure,  poor  judgment,  and  suspicious  family  secrets.  As  reported  by many  people  in  this  book,  revealing  an  estrangement  from  a  parent,  a child,  or  another  close  relative  leads  other  people  to  silently  wonder, \u003ci\u003eWhat’s wrong with you?\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen I began my interviews with estranged people, I was not aware that they experienced such an acute sense of shame and isolation. One of my  first  interviews  revealed  the  stigma  attached  to  estrangement  and gave me a powerful goal for this book.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRoy Shaw has never given up trying to maintain a relationship with his parents, despite periods of estrangement that have lasted years. His story, of which you will learn more later in these pages, is complex, involving a difficult childhood, rejection of his wife by his parents and sister, and dueling views of past events. I was struck by the degree to which Roy felt deeply alone. He told me:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eThere’s been many times where I have felt like I have the worst family situation ever. I know that’s not true, but when I’ve had some irrational moments, I think that my situation is the most bizarre, the weirdest that could ever happen. If I could hear from other people who have had family complexities like this, it would help to know that I’m not alone, that every family has issues. And I would certainly be able to let them know that they’re not alone if they heard my story.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe goal of this book is to bring the topic of estrangement out of the shadows and into the clear light of awareness and discussion. By mining the wisdom of hundreds of people who have experienced this problem, I will offer new insights, data, strategies, and practical tips for coping with and healing family rifts. Not all these ideas will apply to everyone, and some readers may fail to find solutions or will disagree with the advice offered here. However, I will feel that my years of work on this project and book are justified if I am successful in this one goal: creating an environment where people can freely acknowledge the problem and open up about solutions in productive and positive ways. If I accomplish nothing  else,  I  want  to  reassure  you  that  your  family’s  situation  is  not  the worst or the weirdest in the world, and that you are not alone. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Avery","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46305152336101,"sku":"NP9780593539132","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780593539132.jpg?v=1767726781","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/fault-lines-isbn-9780593539132","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}