{"product_id":"every-body-looking-isbn-9780525556206","title":"Every Body Looking","description":"\u003cb\u003eA Finalist for the National Book Award\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen Ada leaves home for her freshman year at a Historically Black College, it’s the first time she’s ever been so far from her family—and the first time that she’s been able to make her own choices and to seek her place in this new world. As she stumbles deeper into the world of dance and explores her sexuality, she also begins to wrestle with her past—her mother’s struggle with addiction, her Nigerian father’s attempts to make a home for her. Ultimately, Ada discovers she needs to brush off the destiny others have chosen for her and claim full ownership of her body and her future.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e “Candice Iloh’s beautifully crafted narrative about family, belonging, sexuality, and telling our deepest truths in order to be whole is at once immensely readable and ultimately healing.”—Jacqueline Woodson, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e Bestselling Author of \u003ci\u003eBrown Girl Dreaming\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“An essential—and emotionally gripping and masterfully written and compulsively readable—addition to the coming-of-age canon.”—Nic Stone, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e Bestselling Author of\u003ci\u003e Dear Martin\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“This is a story about the sometimes toxic and heavy expectations set onthe backs of first-generation children, the pressures woven into the familydynamic, culturally and socially. About childhood secrets with sharp teeth. And ultimately, about a liberation that taunts every young person.” —Jason Reynolds, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e Bestselling Author of \u003ci\u003eLong Way Down\u003c\/i\u003eA Finalist for the National Book Award\u003cbr\u003eA Michael L. Printz Award Honoree\u003cbr\u003eOne of \u003ci\u003eReader's Digest's\u003c\/i\u003e 50 Best YA Novels of All Time\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Candice Iloh's beautifully crafted narrative about family, belonging, sexuality, and telling our deepest truths in order to be whole is at once immensely readable and ultimately healing.\"—Jacqueline Woodson, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestselling author of \u003ci\u003eBrown Girl Dreaming\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"An essential—and emotionally gripping and masterfully written and compulsively readable—addition to the coming-of-age canon.\"—Nic Stone, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eDear Martin\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I can't remember the last time I read a story that stood this effortlessly at the axis of so many slivers of young American life. To show complexity without box-checking, and empathy without melodrama, to me, makes this a story with legs, and Iloh a writer to watch.\" —Jason Reynolds, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eLong Way Down\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e \u003cbr\u003e“This blazing coming-of-age comet will have everybody looking up.”—\u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Lyrical, insightful, and searing.\"—Teen Vogue\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“[Iloh] makes a stunning debut with this brilliant coming-of-age tale.”—\u003ci\u003eBuffalo News\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"[A portrait] of a young woman struggling with issues both universal — wanting to be liked, to feel seen, to make a friend — and specific to the experiences of a Black woman and child of immigrants.... [T]riumphant.\"—Vox\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e★ \"\u003c\/i\u003eIn this stunning debut for young adults, Iloh crafts succinct, beautiful poems to illustrate the difficulties of navigating the tangle of family history and obligation, the power of art to heal and express, and the strength it takes to chart an authentic, independent path.\"—\u003ci\u003ePublishers Weekly\u003c\/i\u003e, starred review\u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e★ \"This book is a testament to the beauty of Black girls, their circumstances, bodies, and cultures.\"—\u003ci\u003eBooklist,\u003c\/i\u003e starred review\u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e★ \"Iloh uses verse beautifully…[A] captivating, sometimes heartbreaking, yet ultimately hopeful story.\"—\u003ci\u003eKirkus\u003c\/i\u003e, starred review\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003e\"Every Body Looking\u003c\/i\u003e is a powerful acknowledgement of what we gain when we grant ourselves permission to embrace who we are fully and completely.\"—\u003ci\u003eBookPage\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"A hopeful, beautifully written, deeply affecting story of what we endure and overcome in the journey to become ourselves.\"—Teen Librarian Toolbox\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Readers will be left wishing they could accompany Ada as she pursues her passion and finds her way to a genuine relationship, while left hopeful and inspired by her beautifully-told story.”—\u003ci\u003eSLJ\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eA Feminist Book Project Top Ten TitleCandice Iloh is a first-generation Nigerian American writer whose books center home. They are from the Midwest by way of Washington, DC, and Brooklyn, New York. They are a proud alumna of the Rhode Island Writers Colony, and their work has earned fellowships from Lambda Literary, VONA, and Kimbilio Fiction and a residency with Hi-ARTS, where they debuted their first one-person show in 2018. Candice became a 2020 National Book Award Finalist and, in 2021, a Printz Award Honoree for their debut novel, \u003ci\u003eEvery Body Looking. Salt the Water\u003c\/i\u003e is their third novel.\u003cb\u003eGRADUATION DAY\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eJust look at me\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethey got me out here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewearing a dress\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eheels\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emakeup\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehope Mama’s proud\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshe sure does look like it\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elooking at me and squealing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elike proud mamas do when\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etheir baby looks something\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elike she came from them\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eher squeals bounce\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom every wall of this hotel lobby\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eher screams shake from\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eher fragile body exploding\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elike she’s shocked by her own joy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eunsteady heels click\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eagainst the tile toward the person she can say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas the best thing she ever did\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewith her life\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHere’s the scene: I’m seventeen and graduating\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom high school\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand this weekend I learn to juggle\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy father and his new wife\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eare on their way to the Home of the Chicago Doves\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003edecked out, like they’re about to glide down the church’s red carpet\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehim in his crispiest suit, her bulging from a flowered dress\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy baby brother dressed\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas Dad’s mini identical twin\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebelted in the back seat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof my father’s golden Toyota Camry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis giddy knowing nothing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eabout what day it is\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor how his big sister\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewill survive it\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eafter picking up her own mommy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ekeeping her seated somewhere\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshe can fidget\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efar from his side of the family\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMama fidgets\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein my passenger seat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emore on edge than me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emaybe cause it’s been\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elike five years since we’ve seen\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eeach other but she is here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003escoffs under her breath\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethinking, just like her\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis hoopty is proof\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof yet another thing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI don’t need\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshrugs away small thoughts\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003enot knowing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDad demanded\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI save and buy my first Camry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emyself\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esits and tugs\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat her lopsided wig\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003epulls down the mirror\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ereapplies bloodred lipstick\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esmudges some on her cheeks\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewith her fingers\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I thank god knowing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewithout this\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI may not\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003erecognize her\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe pull into my high school’s parking lot\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor the last day I will ever have to smile at these people like I ever belonged here \/ for the ten minutes it takes Mama and me to get to the stands along the football field, a place she has never seen \/ I imagine the sounds of our heels to be \/ like a song we are for once dancing to together \/ today \/ I’m not angry \/ at her slurred speech \/ I’m not angry \/ at her missing teeth \/ I’m not angry \/ at her fuss \/ I’m not angry \/ that she looks nothing like \/ the last time I saw her \/ or that \/ I don’t know when the next time will be \/ for the ten minutes it takes Mama and me to get to the stands along the football field \/ I’m just happy we’re both here \/ alive\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMy name is Ad\u003ci\u003ea\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut not really\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit’s what my father’s side\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecalls me cause I was born\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003efirst\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand on this day\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI’m only three months\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom leaving this place behind\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethey tell me there’s\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea big world out there\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand they tell me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethere’s so much I can do\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I know nothing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut this city\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut my father\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut these schools\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhere I’ve always\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebeen one of few specks\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof dingy brown\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein a sea of perfect white\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut I know the bible\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I know how to do\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe right things\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eso how hard could college\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ereally be\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHow hard could it be to\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e   1. Find a dress that both Mama and Dad would like.\u003cbr\u003e   2. Make sure the dress was loose enough to hide all my heavy.\u003cbr\u003e   3. Put on heels I could stand for more than three hours.\u003cbr\u003e   4. Pick Mama up in my own car.\u003cbr\u003e   5. Get Mama to my soon-to-be old school.\u003cbr\u003e   6. Sit Mama somewhere I could see her.\u003cbr\u003e   7. Run back and forth between Mama and Dad.\u003cbr\u003e   8. Smile for every camera.\u003cbr\u003e   9. Smile with Mama.\u003cbr\u003e   10. Smile when Mama insists that she be the first, after it’s over, to have dinner with me.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eDad smiles for his final picture with me\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eloosening the awkward grip\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etightly held on the outside\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof my right arm\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehis sharp signature cologne\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eleft to linger across\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy shoulders\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea scent just as strong\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas the bass\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein the shifting tone of his voice\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eproud of you, Kid\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eyou did good\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehe says\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas if I’d done\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy entire high school bid\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ejust now, all in one day\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ethanks, Dad\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI smile back, bashful\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewarm under the way\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehe looks at me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon the days\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI do right\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003estanding back I look\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat the softness peeking through\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethick folds of my father’s face\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewatch yet another attempt\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto pull his belted suit pants\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eover the bottom of his round belly\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003enow at the end of a long day\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eunder the football field sun with beads of sweat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efaithfully dabbed across his widow’s peak\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eby an old white cloth always tucked\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein his back pocket basking in the praise\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof his job well done\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAfter the pictures are done\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecaught back and forth\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon opposite sides\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof the crowded field\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebuzzing with families proud\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof children\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethey don’t really know\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewe pull into the driveway\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas the sky surrounding Dad’s house\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis deepening toward black from gray\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMama glances toward\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehis front door and back\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etoward the road behind us\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003escared\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI think to place a hand\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon her trembling shoulder\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut settle for telling her \u003ci\u003eit’s okay, Mom\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etell her \u003ci\u003ewe’ll be a minute\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etell her \u003ci\u003eI just need to change\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etell her \u003ci\u003ethey’re not home yet\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ebut Dad’s house is my house too\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMama looks back at me\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewanting too much\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto see where I live\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut too proud to admit\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshe needs my permission\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003estares into the side of my face\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehungry for any scrap\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI might drop for her to catch\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ereaches for my hand\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas I lift it just in time\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom the gear stick for her to miss\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshifting my foot\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom the brake pedal\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003echecking my phone for the time\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI tell Mama\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewe’ve got thirty minutes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebefore my father and that woman\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecome home\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSome kids grew up coming home\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto the smell of mustard greens\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003especial recipe mac and cheese\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecornbread from scratch and cookies\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebaking in the oven\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto the sound of their mama\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003escreamin at somebody on the tv\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003egetting on her nerves for the tenth time\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhile she watches the same shows\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eannouncing to the whole house\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat\u003ci\u003e this will be\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ethe last time I trip\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eover a child’s raggedy school shoes\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor telling them \u003ci\u003eyou better\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eclean up that funky alleyway\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ethat you like to call\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eyour bedroom\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esome kids grew up\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebeing asked about\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhy their grades ain’t\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebetter than that and fussin\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eover homework they need to do\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut my mama\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas different\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy mama just\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewasn’t reallythe type\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eTo keep tabs on me like that\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewasn’t really my mama’s style I learned years ago\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen she started asking me my age\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI’d look back at her and wonder\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehow she could forget when she had me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehow she could push out a whole person\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand just forget\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMama and I both forget\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eabout time the minute I turn the key\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eunlocking the front door to Dad’s house\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esuddenly it’s like we’re surrounded\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eby a museum of forbidden family\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eknowing she can look but not touch\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMama is everywhere her feet\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etake her wanting to see what we’ve\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebeen up to while she’s away\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe walls covered with me at every age\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat she struggles to remember\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMama getting lost in all the picture frames\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy fancy life of birthday parties and school plays\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy first dance recital on a park stage\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003edressed in colorful West African cloth like the other girls\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea buzz from my phone reminds me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto get her upstairs so I can change my clothes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFrom upstairs I can hear Dad’s car door slam\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I know they are home already\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMama’s fidgets come back again\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I’m angry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen just seconds ago\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eher soft hands were gliding\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eacross my pictures\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy clothes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy animals\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003estuffed with love\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand a pillow with her picture\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003estuck inside its plastic cover frame\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efreshly painted red fingernails\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etouching just about everything\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehappy to be in the room\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhere her child sleeps\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehappy to be inside\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand here she is\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003enow filled with fear\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efilled with how they will see her\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea stranger squatting\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein her own daughter’s\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebedroom\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI run from my room\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eclosing the door behind me \/\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003edown the stairs \/ I run \/ so I can\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esmile and twirl \/ real sweet once more \/\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor Dad \/ and his new wife\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto dance \/ in their still-fresh\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003epride of the new high school graduate\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ewhere is she\u003c\/i\u003e, Dad asks\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI tell him\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eshe is upstairs\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etell him\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ewe’ll only be a few minutes\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etell him\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ethis is my house too\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehis new wife looks and sucks her teeth\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eupstairs, one of the first, down here the last\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy baby brother off playing and oblivious\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand suddenly I know somewhere\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit’s written, somewhere it says\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy mama shouldn’t be here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMama shouldn’t be here\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eso we’re gone quick and quiet five minutes later to eat anywhere but here and Mama is cussin but I smile and turn on the radio, blast the ac cause it’s just her and me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI ask her where she wants to go and she tells me\u003ci\u003eanywhere girl I’m with my baby\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eI knew we shouldn’t have gone in there! chile, did you see how she was lookin\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI pretend it’s all nothing and drive us to my favorite restaurant thumping my fingers\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon my lap to the beat, leave Mama to keep talking and talking to the tune of herself\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eShe already answered this herself\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen I come back to the motel for her the next day\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea question she asks in the car on the way\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto my graduation party and it sounds like some\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ekind of silly joke where she’s playing or must have\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eforgotten the party where we are headed is for me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eI don’t really feel\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003elike bein bothered\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ewith all them people\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eall them people I don’t know\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eand they just gon be\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003elookin at me and I’m just gon be\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003esittin by myself and I just ain’t\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003ein the mood to be bothered, you know\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI ask her what she wants to do instead\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut tell her I’m going to my party, after all\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit was thrown for me, it’s either she comes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor she gets on the next train back, cause\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etoday is supposed to be about me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eoh I don’t know but\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eI don’t feel like bein bothered\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003ci\u003eI really ain’t tryna go to no party\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshe says\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAway from the party on this drive to the train station\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit’s only silent for a few minutes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebefore I’m called every name\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI’m sure I’m not supposed to be\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecalled by my mama but I know\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis is how she says she’s angry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis is how she says this is her day too\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis is how she says she’s sorry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein her own way, as a mother\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor breaking all the rules\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe first thing I do after everyone is gone\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis shut the door\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eclose the blinds\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esometimes being dramatic\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis my thing but\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis really was\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe first time I’ve seen\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethis much cash\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eever\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe room I’d slept in\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor the past seven years\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003epainted a Pepto-Bismol pink\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas now marked\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ean old green\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat the center\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI’d opened each\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003egraduation card alone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eskipped Hallmark notes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etelling me \u003ci\u003eGood Job! \u003c\/i\u003eand \u003ci\u003eGreat Things Ahead!\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eskipped every \u003ci\u003eCongrats on your big day!\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein search of what mattered most\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etold Dad I didn’t feel like\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebeing mushy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein front of all\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethose people\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut truth is\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI just wanted\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto count my money\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein peace\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dutton Books for Young Readers","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44867173417189,"sku":"NP9780525556206","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780525556206.jpg?v=1767726427","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/every-body-looking-isbn-9780525556206","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}