{"product_id":"defy-isbn-9780593445778","title":"Defy","description":"\u003cb\u003eNATIONAL BESTSELLER • Imagine living the life you want to lead, not the one you’re willing to accept. This profound but practical book offers clear steps to stop people pleasing and start living your truth.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“A powerful book. If you’ve ever compromised your principles to please others, \u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e will give you the will—and skill—to stand up for yourself.”—Adam Grant, #1 \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThink Again\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn a moment when many of us are anxious and unsure what to do—whether we’re confronting injustice on a social scale or facing something closer to home—award-winning researcher Dr. Sunita Sah offers simple strategies to activate your values.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHow many times have you wanted to object, disagree, or opt out of something but ended up swallowing your words, shaking your head, and just going along? Featuring groundbreaking research, gripping stories, and easy everyday strategies, \u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e reveals how to show up for yourself and others personally, professionally, and beyond. Dr. Sah’s data-driven approach shows why everyone needs the power of defiance and how to build this essential skill. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eLearn how to:\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eTake simple steps to practice defying in low-stakes situations\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eDecode your body’s signals that it’s time to defy\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eActivate the superpower of taking responsibility for yourself and others\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eRehearse for challenging situations; get comfortable being uncomfortable\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eTeach kids the difference between being “good” or obedient and doing the right thing, even when it’s unpopular\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• \u003cb\u003eSpark a domino effect: defiance can be contagious.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCompliance is a constant, corrosive force in our society. But while it’s pervasive, it’s also preventable.“While we like to believe we will stand firm in the face of wrongdoing, more often than not we hesitate, freeze or fail to act in line with our values . . . Sah challenges the assumption that defiance must be dramatic or ‘superhuman’. Instead, quieter acts of resistance—saying no when we mean it, and speaking up when it matters—can have a profound impact.”\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003e—Financial Times \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Sah reveals why people need to develop more agency in their lives and change the world they live in.”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Cornell Chronicle\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“We’ve all been there. We’ve all caved in. Thank goodness for Sunita Sah’s spirited book, \u003ci\u003eDefy: The Power of No in a World that Demands Yes\u003c\/i\u003e, which unpacks the act—and art—of refusal.”\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Guardian\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“This book is a powerful, transformative read for anyone who’s ever felt the tension between doing what’s expected and doing what’s right.”\u003cb\u003e—Daniel H. Pink, #1 \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThe Power of Regret\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Dr. Sah shows us that defiance isn’t just for protests; it’s just as vital at the kitchen table. Even though I’m someone who is dedicated to challenging the system, \u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e showed me how often I let others’ beliefs eclipse my own and how the ability to defy is essential for true liberation. . . . A must-read for anyone committed to justice.”\u003cb\u003e—LaTosha Brown, co-founder of Black Voters Matter\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Dr. Sah is leading the charge on the science of compliance and defiance. \u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e changes our understanding about true consent and true dissent, a real yes and a real no. . . . A must-read for all.”\u003cb\u003e—Dr. Robert B. Cialdini, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eInfluence\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Dr. Sah’s \u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e is the answer we need for all those regret-filled moments when we stay silent and close our eyes.”\u003cb\u003e—Dr. Mona Hanna, author of \u003ci\u003eWhat the Eyes Don’t See\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“We navigate the world by choosing what we will or will not accept but Dr. Sunita Sah is delivering, for the first time, the science behind those choices . . .”\u003cb\u003e—Annie Duke, bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eQuit\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“\u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e will surely become a culture-shifting manifesto for all of us ‘moral mavericks’ who hope to use conscientious resistance to make the world a better place.”\u003cb\u003e—Jonah Berger, bestselling author of \u003ci\u003eContagious\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Dr. Sah’s work… is a must-read for any parent, woman, or professional.”\u003cb\u003e—Tina Payne Bryson, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestselling co-author of \u003ci\u003eThe Whole-Brain Child\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“\u003ci\u003eDefy\u003c\/i\u003e answers one of the most pressing questions raised by the pandemic, protests, and the presidential election: why do people behave in ways that ignore science, oppose equity, and undercut their own self-interest? . . . It’s an engaging explanation of why defiance is the exception and obedience is the rule...”\u003cb\u003e—Kerry Ann Rockquemore, founder of the National Center for Faculty Development \u0026amp; Diversity\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“[A]n important, timely book written by an expert who has studied and lived the central questions in her book: when should you speak up, and how do you empower people at home, work, and play to speak up when staying silent is the easier option?”\u003cb\u003e—Adam Alter, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestselling author of \u003ci\u003eIrresistible\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eDr. Sunita Sah\u003c\/b\u003e is an award-winning professor at Cornell University and an expert in organizational psychology. She leads groundbreaking research on influence, authority, compliance, and defiance. A trained physician, she practiced medicine in the United Kingdom and worked as a management consultant for the pharmaceutical industry. She currently teaches executives, leaders, and students in healthcare and business. Dr. Sah is a sought-after international speaker and consultant, advisor to government agencies, and former Commissioner of the National Commission on Forensic Science. Her multidisciplinary research and analyses have been widely published in leading academic journals and media entities including \u003ci\u003eThe New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Harvard Business Review,\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eScientific American\u003c\/i\u003e. She lives with her husband and son in New York.\u003cb\u003e1\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWired to Comply\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn 2012, when the Summer Olympic Games were held in London, I was eager to see the flame pass by on its way to the stadium and the opening ceremonies. On the day of the processional, I arranged to meet my husband on a street corner a short walk away from our apartment, with our then five-year-old son in tow. I had in mind a pleasant afternoon stroll, followed by an exciting glimpse of the torch, held aloft by one of the athletes.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“This will be fun,” I told my son, who didn’t look convinced. “You’re going to witness history!”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlthough the walk started well, within a few minutes it became apparent that getting all the way there would be a struggle. The day was hot and he was tired. Before our apartment building was even out of sight, his heels were dragging. A few minutes after that, he asked to be carried. When I refused—he was too heavy—he sat down firmly on the pavement.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“I don’t want to go,” he told me, his large brown eyes squinting in the sun.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI explained that the Olympics were special. I told him that seeing the famous flame in our neighborhood was a “once-in-a-lifetime experience.” But he was unmoved.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“I don’t want to see it,” he answered, jutting his chin out. “I want to go home.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI pulled on his arm. I asked him firmly. I even tried to pick him up. But I couldn’t get more than a few steps down the stifling, crowded pavement before setting him back down again. I was frazzled, hot, and frustrated. We were going to miss the flame.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Why can’t you be good?” I said to my son as we walked home.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMy son’s only answer was a mulish shrug.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe never saw the flame. I watched it on television later that evening, and my husband laughed when I related the episode to him.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“You sound just like one of those people,” he said. “Remember them?”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI did. Soon after my son was born, I had been frequently puzzled by a question well-meaning acquaintances would ask:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIs he good?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhat they meant was: Does your baby sleep when you want him to? Does he stop crying when you want him to?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn other words, does he do what you want him to do? Does he do what he’s told?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAs someone fascinated by defiance, this moral equation of obedience to goodness always perplexed me. I had spent years questioning and resisting it—not only as an academic, but as a child of a strict upbringing. I sometimes joked that I studied defiance because my childhood had already given me a world-class education in how to be obedient.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd yet that London afternoon found me standing in the hot sun, pleading with my stubborn son to be “good”—to do what I wanted him to do.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat’s what kept me up that night, long after the opening ceremonies were over and the rest of my family was asleep. I should have known better—should have known that I had just repeated to him the most basic, unexamined equation that people had impressed on me growing up:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCompliance = good.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDefiance = bad.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFrom a young age, we are taught to obey.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe first authority figure we routinely encounter is a caregiver, usually a parent, someone whose job it is to nourish us and help us survive, and whose instructions must be followed. Later, teachers often step into the picture, instructing their students not only how to read and do simple arithmetic, but also how to follow the social protocols of the classroom: sit still, raise your hand. Then—as anyone who has attended middle school knows—there is the considerable pressure from our peers to do things the way everyone else is doing them.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis early training has a large effect on us: psychologically, socially, and even neurologically. When we are young, our brains grow at unprecedented rates, forming neural connections and structures that will affect how we behave for years to come. Obedience isn’t just a survival technique; it affects our writing and quite literally shapes our brains. When we are rewarded for compliant behavior, our brain’s level of dopamine—the neural transmitter that facilitates our experience of pleasure, among other things—rises. If we consistently repeat those behaviors, we build and strengthen neural pathways for compliance. Unrewarded, disobedient behavior doesn’t give our brains the same dopamine rush, and as a result, those behaviors are less likely to be repeated, and those pathways weaken or fail to develop.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe also learn many behaviors through imitation of our parents and caregivers, of our teachers and other authority figures, and of our peers. Psychologically, the value of belonging to a group—mirroring behaviors, attitudes, and actions—becomes apparent before most of us are out of kindergarten, and it continues to shape our behavior as we grow older and enter the community at large.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCompliance is baked into our customs, our laws, and even the way we talk to one another. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Civil society is largely based on the expectation of compliance. From speed limits to smoking bans, municipal zoning regulations to workplace codes of conduct, ours is a world that runs on compliance.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFor any society to thrive, some level of compliance is necessary—it allows us to cooperate with each other. Governments, formal institutions, and laws may allow us to live in harmony despite our differences. Codes of compliance and obedience help us work together.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBut unwavering compliance can also have devastating consequences: for individuals, who can lose their sense of autonomy, independence, and self; for governments, which can devolve into paranoid authoritarianism and persecute their citizens, perpetuating inequalities, poverty, and injustice; and for humanity in general, which requires a fine balance between freedom and limitations. A society without any compliance is anarchy; a society with total compliance is fascism.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe lessons many of us learned as children are extremely powerful, and they extend far beyond our individual lives. Compliance = good, defiance = bad doesn’t just keep children in line. It shapes the world we live in: our laws, our workplaces, our homes.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt also shapes us as individuals. Our training in compliance affects what our brains look like. It affects our wiring. It affects how we think.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSo what happens when we want to think differently? When we need to?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI’ve spent much of my life working to answer these questions—not just for the field of psychology, but for myself.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eGrowing Up Good\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen I was a child, my father told me that my name Sunita in Sanskrit means “good.” The Dictionary of Sanskrit Names says Sunita represents “she who has good conduct or behavior.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlthough I have spent decades studying why people defy, I was known for being an obedient daughter and student. I did as I was told. I got up when I was told to. I had my hair cut the way my parents insisted. I was what schoolchildren in Yorkshire, England, called “swotty”—preferring my books to other pursuits—but as much as I enjoyed mastering my subjects, and the praise I received for being “good,” I always wanted to know the reason why others had an easier time resisting the authority of our teachers, parents, and peers than I did.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI grew up in the heart of the post-industrial north of England in the 1980s. Our small three-bedroom house was crowded: with people, with love, and sometimes with friction. Money was tight, and since we had no extended family nearby, we often felt isolated. My parents must have felt the pressure the most. My mother was dealing with four children on her own every day, all while learning a new language and culture. My dad, who’d earned his PhD in metallurgy, the science and technology of metals and alloys, worked as a lecturer at the University of Bradford—a job for which he was overqualified, underappreciated, and certainly underpaid.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNow that I am an academic myself, I sometimes think about him in those early years: a short man in thin wire-rimmed glasses, his cheeks pitted by smallpox scars, his brown suit jacket barely visible beneath the grey raincoat he wore every day to work. I can see him walking confidently through the halls of a university where very few people looked like him, and where he would have to take indignities with a smile and swallow his hurt. The courage that took, the determination—it inspires me now.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBut when I was a child, my father mostly shaped me to be quiet.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn many ways, my father was a traditional one. He was the voice of authority in our household. He worked all day and expected order, quiet, and peace at home. He often seemed exhausted and stressed not only by his workplace but also by the weight of his responsibilities, by the strain of supporting a family of six in an unfamiliar country. My three older siblings and I mostly tried to stay out of his way, and when dad told us what to do, we obeyed.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMy dad was strict, and sometimes I felt his rules were too harsh—he once pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night to practice my flute because I hadn’t spent the mandatory thirty minutes that day playing through my scales.National bestseller","brand":"One World","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46302322000101,"sku":"NP9780593445778","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780593445778.jpg?v=1767724964","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/defy-isbn-9780593445778","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}