Building a Love that Lasts

The "Best Relationship Book of 2008" is now in paperback

Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz's award-winning book reveals how to sustain a long-term loving marriage. In addition to exploring the seven key ingredients that define a successful marriage—togetherness, truthfulness, respect and kindness, staying fit, joint finances, tactile communication, and surprise and unpredictability—the authors have included hundreds of insightful and practical interviews with happy couples.

• Focuses on what's right about a successful relationship, rather than what's wrong
• Written by a popular and very active couple known as "the marriage doctors," who lead lectures, training, workshops, and other events every week all over the country
• Contains candid interviews with a diverse collection of happily married couples from around the world

This book offers a positive, upbeat approach to living happily ever after.

Foreword by Scott M. Stanley v

Special Thanks vii

Introduction ix

The Marriage Quiz xi

Chapter 1 How Will I Know I Am in Love? 1

Chapter 2 Learning to Dance 5

Chapter 3 Character in Love and Marriage 9

Chapter 4 It’s the Little Things That Matter 13

Chapter 5 Nicknames: The Private Code for Love 17

Chapter 6 And Then . . . Along Came Kids 19

Chapter 7 Seven Surprising Secrets #1: It Takes Two to Tango 33

Chapter 8 Seven Surprising Secrets #2: No Sacred Cows 65

Chapter 9 Seven Surprising Secrets #3: The Golden Rule 105

Chapter 10 Seven Surprising Secrets #4: Your Body is Your Castle 135

Chapter 11 Seven Surprising Secrets #5: Filing a Joint Return 167

Chapter 12 Seven Surprising Secrets #6: The Loving Touch 187

Chapter 13 Seven Surprising Secrets #7: Beyond Boring 205

Chapter 14 Seven Secrets to Avoiding the Seven-Year Itch 223

Chapter 15 The Stress Test 227

Chapter 16 Marriage as a Torch Red Convertible 245

Chapter 17 A Tribute to Lasting Love 259

Chapter 18 Failure is an Option 263

Chapter 19 Reflections on Love and Marriage 273

Appendix 277

The Benefits of Marriage 278

A Seven-Week Program for Developing Ongoing Sharing in Your Marriage 282

Salad Recipes from “America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts” 288

Filing a Joint Return Activity 297

Marriage as a Torch Red Convertible Activity 299

About the Authors 301

Index 302

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz is dean and professor of counseling and family therapy, University of Missouri-St. Louis, and his wife, Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz, is president of their joint enterprise, Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC. Married for 43-plus years, they live in St. Louis, Missouri.

In this best-selling book, America's #1 love and marriage experts Drs. Charles D. and Elizabeth A. Schmitz show what it takes to create and sustain a long-term loving marriage. Step-by-step they reveal their "Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage" that define a happy relationship—togetherness, truthfulness, respect and kindness, staying fit, joint finances, tactile communication, and surprise and unpredictability. Taking an upbeat, positive approach to living happily ever after, Building a Love That Lasts helps couples focus on what's right in their partnership rather than on what's wrong. The book includes many inspiring and beautiful stories of couples who've been together for at least 30 years.

Praise for Building a Love That Lasts

"This book will make a positive difference in your life." —Dr.Cheryl Beamer, vice president, The Gallup Organization

"The resonating theme of this wonderful book is that love is simple to understand and to make work." —Dr. Mark Pope, past president, American Counseling Association

"[This book] gives tips and anecdotes about how to help build loving and lasting marital relationships." —Sandy and Pris McDonnell, benefactors for Character Education; Sandy McDonnell, former CEO, McDonnell Douglas Corporation

"Provides a refreshing and uplifting perspective into one of society's most valuable institutions." —Dr. Robert Frank, Ph.D., president, Illuminor LLC, Dallas, Texas

"I know for a fact that the Schmitzes have captured what it takes to make marriage work. I love their book!" —Dr. Blanche M. Touhill, former chancellor, University of Missouri-St. Louis