{"product_id":"beat-the-band-isbn-9780763656638","title":"Beat the Band","description":"\u003cb\u003eGet ready for riffs on hot girls, health class, and social hell! The outrageously funny boys from \u003ci\u003eSwim the Fly\u003c\/i\u003e return to rock their sophomore year.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn this hilarious sequel to \u003ci\u003eSwim the Fly\u003c\/i\u003e, told from Coop’s point of view, it’s the beginning of the school year, and the tenth-grade health class must work in pairs on semester-long projects. Matt and Sean get partnered up (the jerks), but Coop is matched with the infamous \"Hot Dog\" Helen for a presentation on safe sex. Everybody’s laughing, except for Coop, who’s convinced that the only way to escape this social death sentence is to win \"The Battle of the Bands\" with their group, Arnold Murphy’s Bologna Dare. There’s just one problem: none of the guys actually plays an instrument. Will Coop regain his \"cool\" before it’s too late? Or will the forced one-on-one time with Helen teach him a lesson about social status he never saw coming? With ribald humor and a few sweet notes, screenwriter-turned-novelist Don Calame once again hits all the right chords.\"I couldn't stop laughing at this book. Cooper may be the most unlikely (and yet thoroughly likeable) hero you'll ever find yourself rooting for.\"  — Meg Cabot\u003cb\u003eDon Calame\u003c\/b\u003e is a screenwriter whose film projects include \u003ci\u003eEmployee of the Month \u003c\/i\u003eand \u003ci\u003eHounded.\u003c\/i\u003e Of his many prior occupations, he says his most satisfying was teaching elementary school for four years in Los Angeles. \u003ci\u003eSwim the Fly \u003c\/i\u003ewas his debut novel. He lives in British Columbia.CHAPTER ONE\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBORN TO RUN\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTHIS  IS  IT,  DAWGS,\"   I say.  \"From boys  to  men.  Tenth grade  is the year we tag all the bases.  First,  second, third, and then we slide  into  home.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I'd just be happy to step  into  the batter's  box again,\" Sean  says.\u003cbr\u003eI  shoot  him   a  gimme-a-break  look.   \"Don't   be  so mopey, dude.  Tianna was  just  a  practice  swing. Now you're  primed to aim  for the fences.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMe, Matt,  and  Sean  shortcut across Dreyfus Park,  our bikes  kicking up the dust that  settled over the summer as we head toward the  beige  brick  building of Lower  Rock- ville  High  that  looms like  a penitentiary. A penitentiary chock with hotties, to be sure, but a lockup for most of the daylight hours, nonetheless.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I  don't  know,\" Sean  says.  \"I  don't  think I'm  over her yet.\"\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\"Of course you aren't,\" Matt consoles. \"It's only  been a week  since you split up.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI laugh. \"Are  you  kidding me? They  were  only  going out  for a month. A week  is more  than enough time  to get over  it. It's standard formula: One  day  of angst  for every week  you  were  dating. Four  weeks, four  days.  Over  and out.  Any more  time  is just a wank.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMatt looks at me in disbelief. \"Where do you get these things?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"It's common knowledge, dude. Google it.\" \"What do I do if I see her in the hall?\" Sean  asks. \"What do  you mean, if ?\" I say, pumping the  pedals on my creaky mountain bike, feeling the strain in my legs as we split the  goalposts and  ride  over  the  football field. \"You are going to see her in the hall.  She might even be in a bunch of your  classes. Who gives a crap?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Just say hi,\"  Matt offers.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"No.\" I glare at Matt. \"Wrong.  Do not take advice from the Whipped One.\" I turn to Sean. \"You say nothing. She dumped you,  so she no longer exists. Simple as that.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Ignore her?\"  Sean  says.  \"I don't  know if I can  do that.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI sigh,  exasperated. \"Look,  Sean. You're  a  changed man. We all are.  This  past  summer was  epic. Look at all we  accomplished. Our  first  party,  yours and  Matt's  first girlfriends, Matt  kicking ass  in  the  butterfly, seeing our first naked babe -\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSean cringes. \"Please. Do not bring that up ever again.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003eI'm still  having nightmares about Ms. Luntz threatening to  suffocate me  with her  gargantuan gazongas unless I swim a thousand laps.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"What I'm trying to say is, you're no longer wet behind the ears.Tianna breaking up with you is the best thing that could have happened. I mean, seriously, why would you  want to waste the  best  years  of your  life tied to just one babe? No offense, Matt.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Why  would I be offended?\" Matt says. \"It's not  like me and  Valerie are getting married.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"No,\"  I say. \"You're  just having her baby.\" Matt scowls. \"You're  so full  of it, Coop.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Sean-o? A little backup here.  Matthew is, in fact, carrying Valerie's baby, is he not?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Leave me out of it,\"  Sean says, the wind whipping his hair.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI raise  my eyebrows at Matt,  like  \"Need I say more?\" \"Jealous much?\" Matt says.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Oh,  yeah,  without a doubt. Green  as hell.  Aren't  we, Sean?  We'd  love  to  have  to  ask  permission anytime we want to  do  something. And  be  dragged to  every  chick flick that  comes out.  And  have  to drop everything when- ever  our 'honeykins' calls.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMatt  shakes his  head. \"Everything you  just  said  is total  bullshit. And  you know it.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI smirk. \"Then why  is your  face getting red?\" \"Because it isn't.\" I glance at Sean. \"Sean-o?\"\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003eSean  looks  off in  the  distance. \"I said,  leave  me  out of it.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMatt   rolls   his   eyes.   \"Yeah,   you   guys   have   really matured this  summer. It's staggering.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe  hop   the  curb   into   the  student parking lot  and pedal toward the  bike  racks. The  lot  is  already full.  I don't  have  my driver's license yet - another thing I need to  get  started on  this  year - but  everyone knows that  if you want to nab a parking space you have  to get to school at least  twenty minutes early.  We pass  my sister Angela's car, recognizable by the  fact  that  it's the  only  one  in  the lot with a car cover.  It's her sickness. One of many.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Look,  Matt,\"  I say. \"You're  acting like  we  think it's a  bad  thing. So,  Valerie's   got  a  tight  grip  on  your  Mr. BoDangles. At least  you're  getting some. Some  of what, I'm not  sure. But  you  seem  comfortable with the  trade- off. Personally, I wouldn't be.  And  I'd be lying  if I said Sean   and   I don't   miss   you  sometimes. But  we  get  by. Don't we, Sean?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSean  says nothing. Jesus,  I hope he's not  going to use this  Tianna thing as an excuse to be such a soggy turd all year  long.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe three of us coast  up to the bike racks  and  leap  off our bikes.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"All I'm saying is, we have an opportunity here.\" I pull a key from  the  pocket of my jeans,  unlock my bike  lock, and  unravel the  chain from  around the  seat  post.  \"Our summer goal was a success. We saw a live  naked -\"\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\"Hey!\"  Sean  shouts, waving a yellow coil  lock  at me like  a weapon. \"Did  I not  just  ask you never to bring  that up again?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI laugh. \"Sorry.  But remember what I told  you  at the beginning  of   the   summer?  About  the  natural order of things? Internet porn, live naked  girl, and then the dirty  deed?  Well, we're ready to take that next step.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Would you stop  it with that stupid theory of yours?\" Matt says. \"You wouldn't know the natural order of things if it crapped on your  head.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSean  snickers. I ignore him and  give Matt a you-can't- be-serious look. \"Correct me  if  I'm  wrong here, Matt. Maybe I shouldn't be including you with me and Sean. Maybe  you've already rounded all the  bases. If you have, just say so.\"","brand":"Candlewick","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46303576129765,"sku":"NP9780763656638","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780763656638.jpg?v=1767722305","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/products\/beat-the-band-isbn-9780763656638","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}