{"product_id":"you-know-youre-60-when-isbn-9780307587626","title":"You Know You're 60 When . . .","description":"Are you “getting on in years,” or know someone who is? Thinking of changing your birth certificate to show a more favorable birth date? You may lie about your age, but your age won’t lie to you!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e            Not sure how to tell when you’re about to reach that fun sixtieth birthday?  \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHere are some clues:\u003cbr\u003eWebMD is your home page \u003cbr\u003eWhen asked, “Who’s your doctor?” you have to reply, “Which one?”\u003cbr\u003eAn outbreak of acne makes you feel like a teenager again \u003cbr\u003eAt your class reunion, you note with satisfaction that the captain of the football team wears a hearing aid\u003cbr\u003eThe meadows where you sowed your wild oats are now shopping malls \u003cbr\u003eThat empty seat on the bus has your name on it\u003cbr\u003eYour pharmacist greets you with “What’ll it be, pal?” \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGetting older is not only fun . . . it’s funny! And with \u003ci\u003eYou Know You’re 60 When . . .,\u003c\/i\u003e you’ll be laughing as you go kicking and screaming over the hill, happily clutching your chest!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRICHARD SMITH, the writer in residence, is a forensic humorist whose bestselling books and calendars appear in twelve languages. His works include \u003ci\u003eThe Dieter’s Guide to Weight Loss During Sex, Newlyweds’ Guide to Sex on the First Night, The Bronx Diet, Bill Clinton’s Little Black Book, \u003c\/i\u003e364 Days and Nights of Sex\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e(calendar series),\u003ci\u003e Your Cat’s Just Not That Into You, You Know You’re 50 When . . . , 101 Uses for an Ex-Husband, Everything I Need to Know I Learned from My Dog, The Kitty Kama Sutra, \u003c\/i\u003ethe Bad Cat series of calendars,\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003eand\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e“My Favorite Gurney”\u003ci\u003e \u003c\/i\u003e(a senior romp). He enjoys spear fishing, long walks, and agriculture.DOCTOR: I have some good news and some bad news.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePATIENT: What's the bad news?   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDOCTOR: You've got cancer.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePATIENT: What's the good news?   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDOCTOR: You won't outlive your money.       \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDID YOU KNOW. \u003cbr\u003eAT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, YOUR CO-PAY IS EXCUSED IF:   \u003cbr\u003e1. All the good magazines are taken.   \u003cbr\u003e2. The person on your left with the hacking cough refuses to cover his mouth.       \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou know you're 60 when . . .     \u003cbr\u003eThe first thing you look at in the newspaper is the obituaries.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHappiness is a heating pad.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou realize there's a causal connection between clipping coupons and premature aging.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSuper-hold hair gel still doesn't make you look like an indie rock star.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou've attended the funerals of your two favorite cardiologists.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou agonize over how to diplomatically tell the home care worker not to look in your purse.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour children never call because they still live with you.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAerobic activity includes drooling.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBefore going out, you stand before a mirror wondering, Can these boobs still hold up this clingy little top? (. . . as you reach for the underwire).   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou fill the gap between breakfast and the early-bird special with free samples at the mall.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou're becoming increasingly fluent in doctor and med-speak (for example: ischemia).   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAt gatherings, you secretly compare your liver spots to others'.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou raise cash for a brow lift by selling your signed Beatles poster on eBay.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou have no problem lying about your age. (Why be a slave to your birth certificate?)   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen it's cold and damp outside, you begin to mildew.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour mail includes certain items that arrive in discreet, tamper-evident packages.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe grinning white-haired couple in magazine ads that read \"We're having so much fun\" disgusts you.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe only high you still get is from standing up too quickly.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe special things you have in common with your new lover are bingo and arthritis.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHints from your parents to get a place of your own become less subtle.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen stepping onto an escalator, you hesitate until you get the \"good\" tread.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou realize life is getting shorter and spring for the BMW you've always wanted.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe defiant part of you vows to continue to eat the foods that don't agree with you, until they've learned their lesson.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour knees are begging to be replaced.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFrom a late-night infomercial, you secretly order a product that keeps hair from growing out of your ears.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour Rolodex contains several potential organ donors in case you have to call in a favor.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou part your hair in the middle and no one notices.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou harness restless leg syndrome to power a rocker.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou supplement your Social Security by selling your expired drugs on eBay.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour Facebook profile includes your medical history.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe successful descent of a steep flight of stairs becomes a media event.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGray is the new blond.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWebMD is your home page.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou turn a scary color while trying to blow out the 61 candles on your birthday cake.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYour life coach dies.       \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTERMS USED THROUGHOUT THIS BOOK   S\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eenior Inertia—Medical term defined as a reluctance to move one's body once it has made contact with a soft surface such as a sofa, favorite armchair, or cat.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"^\u0026amp;@$%X#!!\"—Normal and healthy reaction to being told that your cholesterol is through the roof. (See also TexMex Deprivation in Golden Agers, Oxford University Press).   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGrab Bar—Device used to senior-proof one's home; often the first sign that one is capitulating to the aging process, especially if also used to dry wet support socks.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGod—Supreme Being in whom you believe because:   \u003cbr\u003e• You're the first person in history to gain weight on chemo.  \u003cbr\u003e• Your legs can still handle a miniskirt.   \u003cbr\u003e• You got a surprise e-mail from an old girlfriend whom you still have in your heart.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eChest Pains—Ordinary and normal response to the thought of mowing the lawn. Your wife presenting you with a honey-do list.  \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Specials of the Day\"—Something you ask the waiter to repeat if you're too vain to wear a hearing aid.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eValium—The medicine of choice after a. ten hours with your grandchildren, or b. your ex tells you she's marrying someone half your age.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCougar—What your ex becomes after spending $20,000 of your alimony on plastic surgery and tango lessons.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMini-bar—All-purpose dispensary to help pass the time in your doctor's waiting room more enjoyably.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSenior Moment—Officially defined as using a. a corkscrew to open a screw-top wine bottle, and b. a tea cozy as a yarmulke (see also additional alerts throughout).   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Outward Bound\"—Refers to either a great-outdoors adventure or an exceptionally satisfying bowel movement.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBiopsy—What a cruel lab technician makes you wait two weeks to hear the results of.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTriple Bypass—Technique used to avoid the three people to whom you owe money.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIrrational Exuberance—Source of much erectile dysfunction. The most reliable cure, other than Viagra, is a visit to Lourdes.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDigestive System—Internal mechanism you contact and obtain permission from before consuming two slices of double-rich chocolate cake on your sixty-first birthday.   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eKvell—Slang term for the profound and joyful emotion that you experience when a. someone remarks that \"your new hairdo makes you look ten years younger,\" or b. your spouse still remembers the words to \"your song.\"   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI.Q. test—Alternate name for the Briggs-Haley Hospital-Gown Aptitude Test, which determines intelligence according to how quickly a patient, by simply following the instructions \"back goes front, front goes back,\" can put on a hospital gown without eitherbursting into tears of frustration or deciding he's going home. (The record—eight minutes, fifty-two seconds—was achieved with the assistance of a kindly orderly.)   \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnxiety—The haunting fear, when taking Communion, that the Holy Wafer contains trans fats.","brand":"Crown","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46300367454437,"sku":"NP9780307587626","price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780307587626.jpg?v=1767744757","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/you-know-youre-60-when-isbn-9780307587626","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}