Warning!

In Warning: May Contain Nuts we are once again pleasantly immersed in the world which is Barry Gibbons. Following on from his best selling Dream Merchants and Howboys, Barry Gibbons, former CEO of Burger King and iconoclast, gives a hilarious and insightful account of how and why businesses get it wrong!

Through a series of droll vignettes, Gibbons takes us on a romp-roaring ride through the next 999 years of corporate mayhem and madness - bad behaviours which affect everyone - from the street sweeper to the CEO in his private jet. Because we're not talking about little blips on a profit and loss statement in a poxy sector of some niche industry.

Business has far more an impact on our daily lives than government or politics. About half of the world's biggest economies are now corporations. From Enron's attempt to bring back the eighties with their excessive greed to Vodafone's loosing millions (that didn't actually exist in the first place) - Gibbons rips into the antics of these once trusted companies. So is it all doom and gloom? Are we destined for failure because of the frolicking these companies get up to - at our expense!? Are there any lessons or optimistic quick turn-around plans of action that Gibbons can share with us? Not really. But Warning: May Contain Nuts makes for some highly entertaining reading. And for the clever among us the lessons are implied. Just don't be daft.

Introduction vii

1 The Emerald Tiger and Dame Edna 1

2 Mediocre, Sad and Cheating: The Ascent of Man 8

3 How Many Tears ... 12

4 Reflections from Tibet 16

5 Wisdom from the Little Red (Business) Book 21

6 Viva El Gato 25

7 The Return of El Gato 29

8 Zero Tolerance? Make My Day … 33

9 An Apple a Day … 37

10 Have it Your Way … 41

11 Yes, We Have No Bananas 45

12 What News from the Rialto? 49

13 Jury’s Still Out 53

14 Bill and Me – Such Good Losers 57

15 Midsummer Night Dreams 61

16 Listen Carefully: I Will Say This Only Once 65

17 Be Like Mike … 69

18 I’m Dreaming of a … Green Ketchup? 73

19 Lessons from the Golf Pro 77

20 Learning the Hard Way 81

21 When Dilbert was Funny 85

22 Champagne First, Please 89

23 All That Useless Beauty 93

24 Lights Out, Please 97

25 Amazingly Graceless 101

26 R U there? This is 4 U 105

27 Loaves and Fishes 109

28 Hello AOL, Goodbye Oldsmobile 113

29 Dr Who? 118

30 Only When I Laugh 123

31 More Stuff, Less Choice 127

32 Remedies for the ‘Ohno Moment’ 131

33 The Last Post (Office) 135

34 The Benefits of S.E.A.L. 139

35 The Changing Face of Giants 144

36 No Wonder We Are Living Longer 148

37 Rebel Without a Cause 152

38 ‘I Say, Would You Mind Awfully …’ 156

39 Don’t Read This Before Your Chicken Soup 160

40 It’s Life, Jim – But Not As We Know It 164

41 People are Our Greatest Asset (and Other Corporate Lies) 168

42 And So it Came to Pass … Oh No it Didn’t … 172

43 Danger! Genius at Work 176

44 That Was The Week That Was 180

45 Go On, Surprise Me – Make My Day 184

46 The Defense Speaks 188

47 Across the Great Divide 193

48 And Now for Something Completely Different 198

Index 203

"…It is certainly wacky, irreverent and very funny…" (Professional Manager, May 2003)

"…very amusing and painfully honest look at the foibles and failures of business today…" (Business Executive, April 2003)

"…This is a really interesting and entertaining book…" (Marketing, 5 June 2003)

Barry Gibbons has not had a proper job since 1994, but seems to be enjoying himself. He left Big Business by choice, soon after becoming the only Manchester City fan to have his face on the front of Fortune Magazine. There were no more summits left. At the time he was Chairman & CEO of the US-based Burger King Corp.

He has since written several million (it seems) journalistic pieces and five business books, including If You Want to Make God Really Laugh, Show Him Your Business Plan, Chronicles From the Planet Business and Dream Merchants and Howboys. He is much in demand as the Stella Artois ('Reassuringly Expensive') of the international business speaking circuit.

He remains fascinated by brands and branding. On leaving his position as the Anna Kournikova of CEOs, he addressed his last business ambition - to create, from scratch, overnight, a world-wide consumer brand. His chosen field is gourmet organic coffee. His plan is alive and well, but 1648 overnights behind schedule. Will it be some wayward meteor messing up this fragile planet we are spinning on? Or perhaps certain dim-witted Prime Ministers and Presidents, with their fingers placed where they shouldn't be (on shiny red buttons of course)? Well according to Barry Gibbons it's the soulless and unprincipled corporations and businesses that will be decidedly screwing things up and finally putting Earth plc into bankruptcy.

In Warning: May Contain Nuts we are once again pleasantly immersed in the world which is Barry Gibbons. Following on from his best selling Dream Merchants and Howboys, Barry Gibbons, former CEO of Burger King and iconoclast, gives a hilarious and insightful account of how and why businesses get it wrong!

Gibbons takes us on a romp-roaring ride through the next 999 years of corporate mayhem and madness - from the street sweeper to the CEO in his private jet. Because we're not talking about little blips on a profit and loss statement in a poxy sector or some niche industry. Companies can have far more an impact on our daily lives than government or politics. About half of the world's biggest economies are now corporations. From the corporate suicide bombings of the likes of WorldCom and Marconi to business SMEFs (Spontaneous Mass Existence Failures) such as Enron - Gibbons rips into the antics of these once trusted companies.

In a series of 50 droll vignettes, which are the business equivalent of Æsop meeting Billy Connolly meeting Peter Drucker, you will discover:
* the direct descendents of Alexander the Great, Frederick the Great and Alfred the Great. They are called Alexander the Mediocre, Fred the Saddo and Alfred the Cheating Bastard. Find out where they work.

* the lengths you may have to go to if you want to avoid staying in a MacDonald's hotel.

* why 'Ireland' should be taught in Business Schools.

* How GWMs (Girls Who Might) created modern PR.

* How to join S.E.A.L (Senior Executives Against Limos).
So is it all doom and gloom? Are we destined for failure because of the frolicking these companies get up to - at our expense!? Are there any lessons or optimistic quick turn-around plans of action that Gibbons can share with us? Not really. But Warning: May Contain Nuts makes for some highly entertaining reading. And for the clever among us the lessons are implied. Just don't be daft. WHAT 'THEY' HAVE SAID ABOUT BARRY GIBBONS' BUSINESS BOOKS:

Dream Merchants & Howboys:

"Highly amusing and painfully honest" -Sunday Business

"... the book cannot fail to stimulate and educate..." -Marketing Business

"If Bill Bryson came up with a business Bible, this would be it" -Brand Strategy

"Total bollocks" -Jon and Ben Gibbons (sons 1 & 2)

"Keeps you hooked with his humour and wit, but never straying from the point of it all" -Soul Power Book List

"...13 great stories, well told and fun to read. He brings a badly needed rainbow to the business sector..." -Sunday Business Post

If You Want To Make God Really Laugh, Show Him Your Business Plan:

'Barry, you are a madman. OK Visionary' -Tom Peters

Chronicles From Planet Business:

'The funniest serious business tome I have read for a while' -Future Filter