Staying with Conflict

Winner of the 2009 CPR Award for Outstanding Book

In this groundbreaking book, Bernard Mayer, a pioneer in the field of conflict resolution, offers a new paradigm for dealing with long-term disputes. Mayer explains that when dealing with enduring conflict, mediators and other conflict resolution specialists need to move past the idea of how quickly they can resolve the conflict. Instead, they should focus on how they can help people prepare to engage with an issue over time. Once their attention is directed away from a speedy resolution to a long-term approach, new avenues of intervention become apparent.

Preface vii

1. A New Direction for the Conflict Field 1

2. Conflict and Engagement 19

3. Escaping the Avoidance Trap 55

4. Working the Conflict Narrative 87

5. Communicating in Enduring Conflict 119

6. Using Power and Escalation 151

7. Agreements in Ongoing Conflict 181

8. Taking a Sustainable Approach to Enduring Conflict 207

9. Conflict Specialists and Enduring Conflict 237

Epilogue: The Dynamic Nature of Enduring Conflict 267

References 273

About the Author 281

Index 283

“I picked up Bernard Mayer’s new book last spring, and here is the bottom line: its impact on my practice was instant…What is more, the impact has been enduring. It has changed how I think about and talk about the work I do….”
— Sheila Heen in Negotiation Journal, January 2010

THE AUTHOR

BERNARD MAYER, Ph.D., mediator, facilitator, trainer, and researcher, is a professor at the Werner Institute for Negotiation and Dispute Resolution at Creighton University and a founding partner of CDR Associates, based in Boulder, Colorado. In addition, Mayer is the author of The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution and Beyond Neutrality.

Staying with Conflict

As the field of conflict resolution has grown and expanded its reach, it has increasingly faced the challenge of how to deal with long-term disputes. The most prevalent approach, with its emphasis on prevention, management, and resolution, is often inadequate for dealing with ongoing conflicts that are reflections of fundamental issues of values, identity, and structure.

In this groundbreaking book, Bernard Mayer, a pioneer in the field of conflict resolution, offers a new paradigm for dealing with long-term disputes. Mayer explains that when dealing with enduring conflict, mediators and other conflict resolution specialists need to move past the idea of how quickly they can resolve the conflict. Instead, they should focus on how they can help people prepare to engage with an issue over time. Once their attention is directed away from a speedy resolution to a long-term approach, new avenues of intervention become apparent.

Staying with Conflict builds on the lessons learned and the skills honed from years of effective conflict resolution. Mayer takes the process to the next level and outlines six strategic challenges that this new long-term process will address:

• Confront the pervasive and destructive power of conflict avoidance

• Work with disputants to construct conflict narratives that encourage an effective approach to long-term disputes

• Assist in developing durable avenues of communication

• Help people use power and respond to power wisely

• Understand and recognize the proper role of agreements within the context of long-term conflict

• Encourage the development of support systems that can sustain disputants over time

The book is filled with illustrative examples from a broad variety of conflicts, from the interpersonal to the international. As these stories demonstrate, this new model for working with enduring conflict offers hope for dealing with our struggles as social beings.

AS THE FIELD OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION HAS grown and expanded its reach, it has increasingly faced the challenge of how to deal with long-term disputes. The most prevalent approach, with its emphasis on prevention, management, and resolution, is often inadequate for dealing with ongoing conflicts that are reflections of fundamental issues of values, identity, and structure.

In this groundbreaking book, Bernard Mayer, a pioneer in the field of conflict resolution, offers a new paradigm for dealing with long-term disputes. Mayer explains that when dealing with enduring conflict, mediators and other conflict resolution specialists need to move past the idea of how quickly they can resolve the conflict. Instead, they should focus on how they can help people prepare to engage with an issue over time. Once their attention is directed away from a speedy resolution to a long-term approach, new avenues of intervention become apparent.

Staying with Conflict builds on the lessons learned and the skills honed from years of effective conflict resolution. Mayer takes the process to the next level and outlines six strategic challenges that this new long-term process will address:

• Confront the pervasive and destructive power of conflict avoidance
• Work with disputants to construct conflict narratives that encourage an effective approach to long-term disputes
• Assist in developing durable avenues of communication
• Help people use power and respond to power wisely
• Understand and recognize the proper role of agreements within the context of long-term conflict
• Encourage the development of support systems that can sustain disputants over time

The book is filled with illustrative examples from a broad variety of conflicts, from the interpersonal to the international. As these stories demonstrate, this new model for working with enduring conflict offers hope for dealing with our struggles as social beings.