{"product_id":"love-poems-for-the-office-isbn-9780593190708","title":"Love Poems for the Office","description":"\u003cb\u003eIn the spirit of his \u003ci\u003eLove Poems\u003c\/i\u003e collections, as well as his wildly popular \u003ci\u003eNew Yorker\u003c\/i\u003e pieces, \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e bestseller and Thurber Prize-winner John Kenney returns with a hilarious new collection of poetry--for office life.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWith the same brilliant wit and biting realism that made \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for Married People\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for People with Children\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for Anxious People \u003c\/i\u003esuch hits, John Kenney is back with a brand new collection that tackles the hilarity of life in the office. From waiting in line for the printer and revising spreadsheet after spreadsheet, to lukewarm coffee, office politics, and the daily patterns of your most annoying--and lovable--coworkers, Kenney masterfully captures the warmth and humor of working the \"9 to 5\" in today's modern era.\"Kenney's sweet, funny poems about the banal and everyday—too-true nods to the intimacy of sharing a bed with someone without touching at all, or the nothing-speak of corporate communication—make great presents for spouses, friends, and work wives.\" \u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003e—Vanity Fair\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“It’s a witty reflection on the humiliations of work before and during the covid-19 pandemic.” \u003cb\u003e–\u003ci\u003eThe Washington Post\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“A compendium of love poems to the we-never-thought-we’d-miss-it banality of office life—and a few clearly recent additions to our ‘offices’ at home.” \u003cb\u003e–\u003ci\u003eVanity Fair \u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e“The fourth installment in John Kenney’s bestselling 'Love Poems' series, this ode to office politics in the Zoom-era is spot-on, hilarious, timely, and just brilliant.” \u003cb\u003e–GMA.com\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\"The third installment in John Kenney’s hilarious trifecta of tongue-in-cheek, laugh-out-loud poems, this New Yorker contributor’s slim book pokes fun at everything we take for granted about #worklife.\" \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eKatie Couric Media\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“Maybe the release is perfect timing—if readers want to fantasize about falling in love over lukewarm coffee and barely legible spreadsheets.”\u003cb\u003e \u003ci\u003e–\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003eWillamette Week\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eJohn Kenney \u003c\/b\u003eis the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestselling author of the humorous poetry collections \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for Married People\u003c\/i\u003e, \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for People with Children\u003c\/i\u003e, and \u003ci\u003eLove Poems for Anxious People\u003c\/i\u003e, and the novels \u003ci\u003eTalk to Me \u003c\/i\u003eand \u003ci\u003eTruth in Advertising\u003c\/i\u003e, which won the Thurber Prize for American Humor. He has worked for many years as a copywriter. He has also been a contributor to \u003ci\u003eThe New Yorker\u003c\/i\u003e since 1999. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.\u003cp\u003eA Q\u0026amp;A with the author\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: Your last collection, Love Poems for Anxious \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePeople, came out at almost the exact same time the coronavirus hit the United States. Now you have Love Poems for the Office and many offices are either \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eclosed or at least radically changed. Should you stop writing books?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: That's a great question, and you are not the first person to suggest that (my publisher, friends, readers, my parents).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: What will your next untimely book title be?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: Love Poems for the Apocalypse.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: I read your previous collection, Love Poems \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor Anxious People.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: Thank you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: I'm joking. I didn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: Oh.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: Why offices?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: The idea was my editor's. My initial idea, Love Poems for Middle-Aged Poets Who Wish They Had Gone \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003einto Finance Instead of Poetry Because Now They \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHave Almost No Money in the Bank and Are Royally Screwed was rejected by my publisher.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: Have you ever worked in an office?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: No, but I've certainly applied many times. As yet, I've not heard back.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: What you've done in this book is take the mundane world of the office and turn that world into mundane poems.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: I think that's exactly right.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: You have been called the greatest poet of your generation. What's that like?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: I have? I hadn't heard that.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eQ: Wait. Sorry. That was Mary Oliver who was called the greatest poet of her generation. No one has called you anything except for some very bad names on Goodreads. Want to hear some of them?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA: I'll pass.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHold the elevator?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf I am honest\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI did see you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eholding those two coffees\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea file wedged under one arm.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJill, right?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo let me explain what happened there, Jill.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI was kind of in a rush\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto get back to my desk, I mean.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNot to a meeting or anything.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJust to eat my lunch\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand simply space out\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand watch YouTube.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo I had been standing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein that elevator\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea good seven seconds\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich can feel like a long time in an elevator.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd I'd pressed the close door button\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea few times\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(maybe ten?)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen I saw you shuffling toward the elevator\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esmiling\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eeyes wide\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas if to say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHold the door?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePlease don't take this\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas a criticism\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut you are a slow walker, Jill.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAlso the doors had started to close\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein large part because I\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas pressing the close door button\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut making it look like I\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas pressing the open door button\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhile making a face like\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow do these crazy buttons work?!!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is so complicated!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGet the next elevator, Jill.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eZoom calls in the time of coronavirus (part 1)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMary is sitting on her Peloton\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003epedaling and talking.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBen is in his car\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewaiting to go into a car wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTerry is in his daughter's room\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esurrounded by pink stuffed animals.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGreg is taking a shower\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich makes it hard to hear him.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNo one cares.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's Zoom.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eZoom is from the Greek word for\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eno one gives a fuck anymore.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eShakespeare never used the word \"ping\" and neither should you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen you say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eping me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI want to punch you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's true.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBio break, too.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt makes me cringe.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd if I am being honest\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI don't care about your ducks or the row they're in.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI don't know what net-net means\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eunless it's being said by an excited tennis announcer.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCome to think of it\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003elet's not circle back\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor drill down\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor take a deep dive\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor take it offline\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor level the playing field\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor create action items\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand honestly I don't care\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eif this won't scale\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand may I add that\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003egoing forward\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI would like to park this project.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd this job.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI quit.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNow.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSorry.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI have a hard stop.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA review of the office holiday party (from the \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003epolice report)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe food ran out.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat was the problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe booze didn't, though.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat was also part of the problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eKissing people was another part of the problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIn all there were a lot of parts to the overall problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnother significant problem was that\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI was dancing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ealone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(according to eyewitnesses)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand spinning\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand singing a song I had made up\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTake your pants off!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eC'mon, everybody, take your pants off!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd then, according to depositions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI performed a spinning move of such force\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat I somehow flung myself\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eoff the dance floor\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand into a table\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof several women from accounting\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewho were chatting with the CFO\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebreaking the table\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then throwing up on myself\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand the CFO.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI think that was the main problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eStill.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrior to that it was one of the better holiday parties.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhose meeting is this?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAfter we had all filed in\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efound a seat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emade some small talk\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esomeone said\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'm sorry but whose meeting is this?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSomeone asked if it was Cindy's meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut Cindy said she thought it was Jagdish's meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJagdish seemed confused and said it was Alan's.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAlan wasn't there so it probably wasn't his meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGary asked if it could have been a mistake\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then laughed too loud\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand got embarrassed and thought about crying but didn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJagdish said it couldn't be a mistake, that it was on his calendar.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCindy seemed super annoyed and said\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eif it was on your calendar to jump off the building would you do it, Jagdish?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt got quiet after that\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eduring which everyone wondered\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhat the point of this meeting was\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhat the point of any meeting was for that matter\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewondered where time went\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand why they hadn't done more with their lives.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd as they filed silently out of the room\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto allow another meeting in\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eno one had any idea\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehow they would account for this\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon their time sheet.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhy are you tanned?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAt the morning staff meeting someone asked me how I was feeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI said great.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo you're better, they asked.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhich is when I remembered that I had called in sick the day before.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDefinitely better, I said. Probably a twenty-four-hour bug.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWas it a tanning bug? someone else asked. Because you look tan.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOh . . . this, I said. Yeah. I had a fever. So it could be that.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFevers make you tanned?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI said they could, in rare instances.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut someone Googled that quickly and said that wasn't a thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou know what can make you tan is the sun, someone suggested.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOn a golf course, someone else added.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI agreed that that was possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut you were sick, they said.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI was. I was sick. So I wasn't outside and certainly not on a golf course.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWere you outside on a golf course? they asked.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou can be sick in so many places, I said, though I wasn't sure what I meant.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo I added, You know how you can work from home? Well I have heard that you can be sick on a golf course.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWere you sick on the golf course? they asked.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI was nauseated on the front side, yes. Mostly because of my putting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI felt much better on the back nine.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHere comes Milo\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI quickly pick up the phone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eeven though it hasn't rung\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebecause Milo is coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eUh-huh . . . okay . . . I understand\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI say to no one.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMost people would wave\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eleave\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eunderstand.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNot Milo.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMilo leans against the high riser\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof my cubicle\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebiting a nail\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esmelling it\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea man with time on his hands.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHe is at work after all.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI point to the phone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehand over the mouthpiece.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat's up, Milo? On a call.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMilo examines all of his fingernails\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I wonder if he has even heard me.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThen he chuckles and says\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy weekend was crazy sick.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(It's Wednesday.)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat's great, I say. It's just . . . I have this call.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHe moves some files off the chair next to my desk\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then sniffs my half-eaten sandwich.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWho's the call with? Milo asks.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eUmm . . . my oncologist, I say.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCool. I'll wait.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTeam building\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt had been a long day\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof team-building exercises\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I sort of thought\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewe were on the same page\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas to how ridiculous it was.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt turns out we were\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003enot on the same page.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhich may be why\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI did not\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecatch you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eduring the trust fall.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI thought it would be funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd it was.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor me. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBriefly.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI never thought\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou would land\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eso hard.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOr that your head\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewould make that sound.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOr need two stitches.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJust as I never thought\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou would trust me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas I had once trusted you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto give me a a raise.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTrust is a funny thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the group\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI am sure\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit will be fine\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat we are now\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eworking\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein the same group\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eeven though\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewe hooked up\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea while back\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eafter an office party\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then went out\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea couple of times\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut ended badly\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehooked up again\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen you said\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou were leaving\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe company\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut ended up staying\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand we ended badly\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eagain.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNot to mention\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI have heard\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou are dating someone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom finance now.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow nice.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAlso.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat idea\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou presented today?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI hated it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat I would do differently if you weren't my boss\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI wouldn't laugh\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethe next time you tell that joke\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eabout the two nuns\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebecause it's not funny\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor even physically possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI would just stare at you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas if to say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou're a dickhead.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd then I might say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eout loud\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou're a dickhead.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd when you came by my cubicle\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto ask if I had gotten to that report\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eeven though you could see\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat I was eating an egg salad sandwich\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eonly to say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI guess it will have to wait until after your lunch\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand make a face\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand say how much you hate egg salad\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI might say something like\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat's funny because I hate your face.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI would say that if you weren't my boss\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I didn't have a mortgage.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd then I might add that your kids are weird-looking.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWho keeps stealing my yogurt?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe first noble truth of Buddhism\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis that life is suffering.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd that suffering has a cause.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's called craving or attachment.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(I should mention here that I am not Buddhist.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI read all that stuff on a Snapple cap once.)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy point is I am suffering\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eas I was very attached to\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emy 3 p.m. snack.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou all know this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd yet even though I have\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eclearly marked my snacks\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e(Elaine's snack . . . DO NOT TOUCH!)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou take them.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI think it was you, Greg.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOr possibly Tracy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI will find out.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThat was a Chobani yogurt\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou stole\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou sons of bitches.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI will go through your trash.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI will find the empty container\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich I will then recycle (per company policy).\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd then I will exact revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSuffering, indeed.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eComing soon to a cubicle near you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOpen seating\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI love the new open seating plan.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI really do.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI love having no idea\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhere I am going to sit each day.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOr where others are.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe democratic nature of it\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat anyone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecan sit\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eanywhere\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat any time.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow you can't keep a photo\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor a book\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor anything for that matter\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat your work space\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor it is taken away that evening\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eby the cleaning crew.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe thing is though\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI have been sitting\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein this seat for, like,\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003etwo weeks now.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd I'm not sure why I'm yelling.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut seriously\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eget the hell out of my seat.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMythirdemailtotechsupportregardingmyfreakingstickyspacebar\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNotsureifyoureceivedmypreviousemails.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIhaveastickyspacebarandit'smakingmyworkverydifficult.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIsthereanywayyoucouldgetbacktome?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'matextension6679.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOremail.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCreateaworkorder.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSomesignthatyouareawareoftheproblem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecauseitisaproblem.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eClientsarewonderingwhatthehellIam\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esayinginmyemails.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDecipheringthemlikeit'ssomekindof\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBletchleyParkduringWorldWarIIscenario.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eJustanoteontheBletchleyParkthing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTheyactuallycrackedtheEnigmaCode.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAllI'mlookingforisaloaner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThank you for heating up fish leftovers in the break room microwave again\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI am\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eassuming\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eit's fish.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThough it certainly\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ecould be\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003esomething else.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA dead man's foot\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efor example\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eif the smell\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis any indication.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBreak room's all yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou will be missed\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis place will not be the same\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewithout you, Wayne.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou're the man.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDo you know that?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI certainly didn't know that.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI just learned that today\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom some of the people here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eat this very small going-away party\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein your office\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich I wandered into\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eafter leaving a meeting early.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLayoffs are the worst.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI just wanted to say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003egood luck\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efinding a new job\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eespecially in this economy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd also to introduce myself.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd ask if it would be okay\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eif I took your chair\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand that awesome retro joke photo.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhich it turns out\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis not a retro joke photo\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebut your family.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy bad.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOkay to take the chair?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eZoom calls in the time of coronavirus (part 2)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhy yes\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat was my five-year-old son\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003erunning back and forth\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ebehind me\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003enude\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshouting\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnus! Anus! Anus!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhile the dog barked\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand my husband yelled\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand I leaned away from the computer camera\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eso no one would hear me shout\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGreg! For Chrissakes, can you get the fucking kids out of here?!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand then smoothly sat back up\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eonly to see the rather stunned faces\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eof my colleagues\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand hear my boss\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eremind everyone\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto mute themselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWe're in cubicles, Betsy, which means I can hear your phone conversations\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou have my sympathy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBetsy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eon the strife\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein your home life.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut I do not think\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat I\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor the nine other people\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewho make up digital marketing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eshould hear you say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI'm sick of you getting drunk\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand peeing in the bed, Alan.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd Alan's response\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich you repeated aloud\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOh I'm the one who drives you to drink\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewas neither kind nor fair.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThough I cannot speak to your\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehomelife and your ability\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto make someone want to drink heavily.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThough I do think Alan may have a point.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e. . . \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI am sorry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou are not feeling well\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBets.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut here's a thought.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMaybe make that call from home\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor the bathroom\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor another country.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause everyone can hear\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou tell your (hopefully?) doctor\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat you have a burning sensation\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen you urinate\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhich I will grant you\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eis no fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e. . . \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSorry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhat exactly do you mean\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewhen you say\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou've found a good spot\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein the woods\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eto bury the body?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCat.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOkay then.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSorry for listening in.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWait.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYour cat's not dead.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA word of advice to the interns\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePlease take this in the spirit\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ewith which it is given but\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI got sooo hammered last night\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003emight not be something\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eyou want to share\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ein the elevator.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt may surprise you to learn\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ethat many of us could already sense that\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003efrom both your pallor\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eand the stale smell of\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eoff-gassing booze emanating from your body.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAlso, congratulations on\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ehooking up last night with\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ea totally hot guy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAll of us hope you're both\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003every happy in the years to come\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"G.P. Putnam's Sons","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46304405160165,"sku":"NP9780593190708","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780593190708.jpg?v=1767731906","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/love-poems-for-the-office-isbn-9780593190708","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}