Kill Not the Butterfly

Before the term “toxic masculinity” was coined, Ken Wyder lived it, learning how to be a man from his volatile and abusive father.

Ken Wyder grew up as a member of the Bentall/Wyder family, acclaimed for its wealth, philanthropy, and Christian values. But behind closed doors lay bitter infighting, mistreatment, and violence. When his father’s empire collapsed, the family unravelled.

Coming of age without emotional guidance, Ken adopted the hard-edged masculinity modelled by his father and pop icons such as Dirty Harry—masking insecurity and shame with bravado, intimidation, and force. The teenage delinquent playing with guns, Molotov cocktails and pipe bombs grew into a man repeating the cycle of domestic abuse, infidelity and financial ruin.

Tragedy struck when two of his brothers died needlessly, as did his best friend from childhood. It wasn’t until Ken was jailed, estranged from his family, disgraced, and homeless that he began to dismantle inherited character traits and tried to develop a masculine identity free of toxicity.

Kill Not the Butterfly is a family saga shaped by religious indoctrination and generational trauma. It’s an account of flawed masculine formation and  inevitable disintegration—told with candour, clarity, and deep moral reflection.