{"product_id":"jennifer-government-isbn-9781400030927","title":"Jennifer Government","description":"A wickedly satirical and outrageous thriller about globalization and marketing hype, \u003ci\u003eJennifer Government \u003c\/i\u003eis the best novel in the world ever.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Funny and clever.... A kind of ad-world version of \u003ci\u003eDr. Strangelove.... \u003c\/i\u003e[Barry] unleashes enough wit and surprise to make his story a total blast.\" --\u003ci\u003eThe New York Times Book Review\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Wicked and wonderful.... [It] does just about everything right.... Fast-moving, funny, involving.\" --\u003ci\u003eThe Washington Post Book World\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTaxation has been abolished, the government has been privatized, and employees take   the surname of the company they work for. It's a brave new corporate world, but you   don't want to be caught without a platinum credit card--as lowly Merchandising Officer   Hack Nike is about to find out. Trapped into building street cred for a new line   of $2500 sneakers by shooting customers, Hack attracts the barcode-tattooed eye of   the legendary Jennifer Government. A stressed-out single mom, corporate watchdog,   and government agent who has to rustle up funding before she's allowed to fight crime,   Jennifer Government is holding a closing down sale--and everything must go.\"Wicked and wonderful. . . . [It] does just about everything right. Fast-moving, funny and involving.\"—\u003ci\u003eThe Washington Post Book World\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“Funny and clever. . . . A kind of ad-world version of \u003ci\u003eDr. Strangelove.\u003c\/i\u003e [Barry] unleashes enough wit and surprise to make his story a total blast.” —\u003ci\u003eThe New York Times Book\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e “May be the most fun you’ll find in a bookstore this year. . . . Full of wit, humor and imagination, Jennifer Government ultimately pulls off its over-the-top conceit.”—\u003ci\u003eTime Out New York\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“A riotous satirical rant. . . . [Its characters’] excesses . . . make Barry’s world of unregulated corporate greed and unrelenting consumerism so frightening and funny.”—\u003ci\u003eEntertainment Weekly\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“The plot rockets forward on hyperdrive . . . fresh and very clever.”—\u003ci\u003eThe Boston Globe\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e “[A] devilish satire that made me laugh out loud.”—Dick Adler, \u003ci\u003eThe Chicago Tribune\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003eMax Barry is an Australian, for which he apologizes. He is the author of the cult hit \u003cb\u003eSyrup\u003c\/b\u003e, although he spelled his name “Maxx” for that novel, “because it seemed like a funny joke about marketing, and I failed to realize everyone would assume I was a pretentious asshole.” He was born on March 18, 1973, and lives in Melbourne, Australia, where he writes full-time, the advantage being that he can do it while wearing boxer shorts.1 Nike\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack first heard about Jennifer Government at the watercooler. He was only there because the one on his floor was out;\u003cbr\u003e Legal was going to come down on Nature's Springs like a ton of shit, you could bet on that. Hack was a Merchandise\u003cbr\u003e Distribution Officer. This meant when Nike made up a bunch of posters, or caps, or beach towels, Hack had to send\u003cbr\u003e them to the right place. Also, if someone called up complaining about missing posters, or caps, or beach towels, Hack\u003cbr\u003e had to take the call. It wasn't as exciting as it used to be.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It's a \u003ci\u003ecalamity\u003c\/i\u003e,\" a man at the watercooler said. \"Four days away from launch and Jennifer Government's all over my\u003cbr\u003e ass.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Jee-sus,\" his companion said. \"That's gotta suck.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It means we have to move fast.\" He looked at Hack, who was filling his cup. \"Hi there.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack looked up. They were smiling at him as if he was an equal--but of course, Hack was on the wrong floor. They\u003cbr\u003e didn't know he was just a Merc Officer. \"Hi.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Haven't seen you around before,\" the calamity guy said. \"You new?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"No. I work in Merc.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Oh.\" His nose wrinkled.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Our cooler's out,\" Hack said. He turned away quickly.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hey, wait up,\" the suit said. \"You ever do any marketing work?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Uh,\" he said, not sure if this was a joke. \"No.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The suits looked at each other. The calamity guy shrugged. Then they stuck out their hands. \"I'm John Nike, Guerrilla\u003cbr\u003e Marketing Operative, New Products.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"And I'm John Nike, Guerrilla Marketing Vice-President, New Products,\" the other suit said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hack Nike,\" Hack said, shaking.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hack, I'm empowered to make midrange labor-contracting decisions,\" Vice-President John said. \"You interested in\u003cbr\u003e some work?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Some . . .\" He felt his throat thicken. \"Marketing work?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"On a case-by-case basis, of course,\" the other John said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack started to cry.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"There,\" a John said, handing him a handkerchief. \"You feel better?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack nodded, shamed. \"I'm sorry.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hey, don't worry about it,\" Vice-President John said. \"Career change can be very stressful. I read that somewhere.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Here's the paperwork.\" The other John handed him a pen and a sheaf of papers. The first page said CONTRACT TO\u003cbr\u003e PERFORM SERVICE, and the others were in type too small to read.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack hesitated. \"You want me to sign this now?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It's nothing to worry about. Just the usual noncompetes and nondisclosure agreements.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Yeah, but . . .\" Companies were getting a lot tougher on labor contracts these days; Hack had heard stories. At\u003cbr\u003e Adidas, if you quit your job and your replacement wasn't as competent, they sued you for lost profits.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hack, we need someone who can make snap decisions. A fast mover.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Someone who can get things done. With a minimum of fucking around.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"If that's not your style, well . . . let's forget we spoke. No harm done. You stick to Merchandising.\" Vice-President\u003cbr\u003e John reached for the contract.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I can sign it now,\" Hack said, tightening his grip.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It's totally up to you,\" the other John said. He took the chair beside Hack, crossed his legs, and rested his hands at the\u003cbr\u003e juncture, smiling. Both Johns had good smiles, Hack noticed. He guessed everyone in marketing did. They had pretty\u003cbr\u003e similar faces, too. \"Just at the bottom there.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack signed.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Also there,\" the John said. \"And on the next page . . . and one there. And there.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Glad to have you on board, Hack.\" Vice-President John took the contract, opened a drawer, and dropped it inside.\u003cbr\u003e \"Now. What do you know about Nike Mercurys?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack blinked. \"They're our latest product. I haven't actually seen a pair, but . . . I heard they're great.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The Johns smiled. \"We started selling Mercurys six months ago. You know how many pairs we've shifted since then?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack shook his head. They cost thousands of dollars each, but that wouldn't stop people from buying them. They were\u003cbr\u003e the hottest sneakers in the world. \"A million?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Two hundred.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Two hundred million?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"No. Two hundred pairs.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"John here,\" the other John said, \"pioneered the concept of marketing by refusing to sell any products. It drives the\u003cbr\u003e market insane.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"And now it's time to cash in. On Friday we're gonna dump four hundred thousand pairs on the market at two and a\u003cbr\u003e half grand each.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Which, since they cost us--what was it?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Eighty-five.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Since they cost us eighty-five cents to manufacture, gives us a gross margin of around one billion dollars.\" He looked\u003cbr\u003e at Vice-President John. \"It's a brilliant campaign.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It's really just common sense,\" John said. \"But here's the thing, Hack: if people realize every mall in the country's got\u003cbr\u003e Mercurys, we'll lose all that prestige we've worked so hard to build. Am I right?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Yeah.\" Hack hoped he sounded confident. He didn't really understand marketing.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"So you know what we're going to do?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He shook his head.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"We're going to shoot them,\" Vice-President John said. \"We're going to kill anyone who buys a pair.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Silence. \"What?\" Hack said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The other John said, \"Well, not everyone, obviously. We figure we only have to plug . . . what did we decide? Five?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Ten,\" Vice-President John said. \"To be safe.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Right. We take out ten customers, make it look like ghetto kids, and we've got street cred coming out our asses. I bet\u003cbr\u003e we shift our inventory within twenty-four hours.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I remember when you could always rely on those little street kids to pop a few people for the latest Nikes,\"\u003cbr\u003e Vice-President John said. \"Now people get mugged for Reeboks, for Adidas--for \u003ci\u003egenerics\u003c\/i\u003e, for Christ's sake.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"The ghettos have no fashion sense anymore,\" the other John said. \"I swear, they'll wear anything.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It's a disgrace. Anyway, Hack, I think you get the point. This is a groundbreaking campaign.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Talk about edgy,\" the other John said. \"This \u003ci\u003edefines\u003c\/i\u003e edgy.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Um . . .\" Hack said. He swallowed. \"Isn't this kind of . . . illegal?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"He wants to know if it's illegal,\" the John said, amused. \"You're a funny guy, Hack. Yes, it's illegal, killing people\u003cbr\u003e without their consent, that's very illegal.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Vice-President John said, \"But the question is: what does it cost? Even if we get found out, we burn a few million on\u003cbr\u003e legal fees, we get fined a few million more . . . bottom-line, we're still way out in front.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack had a question he very much didn't want to ask. \"So . . . this contract . . . what does it say I'll do?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The John beside him folded his hands. \"Well, Hack, we've explained our business plan. What we want you to do is . . .\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Execute it,\" Vice-President John said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e 2 McDonald's\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Until she stood in front of them, Hayley didn't realize how many of her classmates were blond. It was like a beach out\u003cbr\u003e there. She'd missed the trend. Hayley would have to hotfoot it to a hairdresser after school.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"When you're ready,\" the teacher said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e She looked at her note cards and took a breath. \"Why I Love America, by Hayley McDonald's. America is the greatest\u003cbr\u003e group of countries in the world because we have freedom. In countries like France, where the Government isn't\u003cbr\u003e privatized, they still have to pay tax and do whatever the Government says, which would really suck. In USA countries,\u003cbr\u003e we respect individual rights and let people do whatever they want.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The teacher jotted something in his folder. McDonald's-sponsored schools were cheap like that: at Pepsi schools,\u003cbr\u003e everyone had notebook computers. Also their uniforms were much better. It was so hard to be cool with the Golden\u003cbr\u003e Arches on your back.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Before USA countries abolished tax, if you didn't have a job, the Government took money from working people and\u003cbr\u003e gave it to you. So, like, the more useless you were, the more money you got.\" No response from her classmates. Even\u003cbr\u003e the teacher didn't smile. Hayley was surprised: she'd thought that one was a crack-up.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"But now America has all the best companies and all the money because everyone works and the Government can't\u003cbr\u003e spend money on stupid things like advertising and elections and making new laws. They just stop people stealing or\u003cbr\u003e hurting each other and everything else is taken care of by the private sector, which everyone knows is more efficient.\"\u003cbr\u003e She looked at her notes: yep, that was it. \"Finally I would like to say that America is the greatest group of countries in\u003cbr\u003e the world and I am proud to live in the Australian Territories of the USA!\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e A smattering of applause. It was the eighth talk this period: she guessed it was getting harder to work up enthusiasm\u003cbr\u003e for capitalizm. Hayley headed for her seat.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Hold it,\" the teacher said. \"I have questions.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Oh,\" Hayley said.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Are there any positive aspects to tax?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e She relaxed: a gimme question. \"Some people say tax is good because it gives money to people who don't have any. But\u003cbr\u003e those people must be lazy or stupid, so why should they get other people's money? Obviously the answer is no.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The teacher blinked. He made a note. That must have been an impressive answer, Hayley thought. \"What about social\u003cbr\u003e justice?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"What?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Is it fair that some people should be rich while others have nothing?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e She shifted from one foot to the other. She was just remembering: this teacher had a thing about poor people. He was\u003cbr\u003e always bringing them up. \"Um, yeah, it's fair. Because if I study really hard for a test and get an A and Emily doesn't\u003cbr\u003e and fails\"--renewed interest from the class; Emily raised blond eyebrows--\"then it's not fair to take some of my marks\u003cbr\u003e and give them to her, is it?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The teacher frowned. Hayley felt a flash of panic. \"Another thing, in non-USA countries they want everyone to be the\u003cbr\u003e same, so if your sister is born blind, then they blind you, too, to make it even. But how unfair is that? I would much\u003cbr\u003e rather be an American than a European Union . . . person.\" She gave the class a big smile. They clapped, much more\u003cbr\u003e enthusiastically than before. She added hopefully, \"Is that all?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Yes. Thank you.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Relief! She started walking. A cute boy in the third row winked at her.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The teacher said, \"Although, Hayley, they don't really blind people in non-USA countries.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hayley stopped. \"Well, that's kind of hypocritical, isn't it?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The class cheered. The teacher opened his mouth, then shut it. Hayley took her seat. \u003ci\u003eKick ass\u003c\/i\u003e, she thought. She had\u003cbr\u003e aced this test.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e 3 The Police\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack sat in traffic, biting his nails. This had not been a good day. He was beginning to think that visiting the marketing\u003cbr\u003e floor for a cup of water was the worst mistake he'd ever made.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He turned into a side street and parked his Toyota. It rattled angrily and let loose a puff of black smoke. Hack really\u003cbr\u003e needed a new car. Maybe if this job paid off, he could move out of St. Kilda. He could get an apartment with some\u003cbr\u003e space, maybe some natural light--\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He shook his head angrily. What was he thinking? He wasn't going to \u003ci\u003eshoot\u003c\/i\u003e anyone. Not even for a better apartment.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He climbed the stairs to the second floor and let himself in. Violet was sitting cross-legged on the living-room floor\u003cbr\u003e with her notebook computer in her lap. Violet was his girlfriend. She was the only unemployed person he'd had ever\u003cbr\u003e met, not counting homeless people who asked him for money. She was an entrepreneur. Violet was probably going to\u003cbr\u003e be rich one day: she was smart and determined. Sometimes Hack wasn't sure why they were together.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He dropped his briefcase and shrugged off his jacket. The table was littered with bills. Hack hadn't bargained very well\u003cbr\u003e in his last performance evaluation and it was really biting him now. \"Violet?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Mmm?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Can we talk?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e She didn't look up. \"Is it important?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Yes.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e She frowned. Hack waited. Violet didn't like being disturbed during her work. She didn't like being disturbed at all. She\u003cbr\u003e was short and thin with long brown hair, which made her look much more fragile than she really was. \"What's up?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He sat on the sofa. \"I did something stupid.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Oh, Hack, not again.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack had missed a couple of turnoffs on the way home lately: last Tuesday he'd gotten himself onto a premium road\u003cbr\u003e and eaten through eleven dollars in tolls before he found an exit. \"No, something really stupid.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"What happened?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Well, I got offered some work . . . some marketing work--\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"That's great! We could really use the extra money.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"--and I signed a contract without reading it.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Pause. \"Oh,\" Violet said. \"Well, it might be okay--\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"It says I have to kill people. It's some kind of promotional campaign. I have to, um, kill ten people.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e For a moment she said nothing. He hoped she wasn't going to shout at him. \"I'd better look at that contract.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e He dropped his head.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"You don't have a copy?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"No.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Oh, \u003ci\u003eHack\u003c\/i\u003e.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I'm sorry.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Violet chewed her lip. \"Well, you can't go through with it. The Government's not as pussy as people think. They'd get\u003cbr\u003e you for sure. But then, you don't know what the penalties in that contract are . . . I think you should go to the Police.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Really?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"There's a station on Chapel Street. When are you meant to . . . do it?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Friday.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"You should go. Right now.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Okay. You're right.\" He picked up his jacket. \"Thanks, Violet.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Why does this kind of thing always happen to you, Hack?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I don't know,\" he said. He felt emotional. He shut the door carefully behind him.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The station was only a few blocks away, and as it came into view he began to feel hopeful. The building was lit up in\u003cbr\u003e blue neon, with THE POLICE in enormous letters and a swirling light above that. If anyone could help him out of this\u003cbr\u003e situation, Hack felt it would be someone who worked in a place like this.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The doors slid open and he walked up to the reception desk. A woman in uniform--either a real cop or a receptionist\u003cbr\u003e dressed in theme, Hack didn't know which--smiled. Playing over the PA system was the song from their TV ads,\u003cbr\u003e \"Every Breath You Take.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Good evening, how can I help you?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I have a matter I'd like to discuss with an officer, please.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"May I ask the nature of your problem?\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"Um,\" he said. \"I've been contracted to kill someone. Some people, actually.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The receptionist's eyebrows rose a fraction, then settled. Hack felt relieved. He didn't want to be chastised by the\u003cbr\u003e receptionist. \"Take a seat, sir. An officer will be right with you.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Hack dropped into a soft, blue chair and waited. A few minutes later, a cop came out and stopped in front of him. Hack\u003cbr\u003e rose.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \"I'm Senior Sergeant Pearson Police,\" the man said. He shook Hack's hand firmly. He had a small, trim mustache but\u003cbr\u003e otherwise looked pretty capable. \"Please accompany me.\"A Novel","brand":"Vintage","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46301678371045,"sku":"NP9781400030927","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9781400030927.jpg?v=1767730379","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/jennifer-government-isbn-9781400030927","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}