{"product_id":"i-need-your-love-is-that-true-isbn-9780307345301","title":"I Need Your Love - Is That True?","description":"In \u003ci\u003eLoving What Is\u003c\/i\u003e, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, \u003ci\u003eI Need Your Love\u003c\/i\u003e—\u003ci\u003eIs That True?\u003c\/i\u003e examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills—how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren’t. This approach doesn’t work. It leaves millions of walking wounded—those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eI Need Your Love\u003c\/i\u003e—\u003ci\u003eIs That True?\u003c\/i\u003e helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most—the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover’s tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you’ve based your whole life on—and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love—seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship.” —Byron KatieByron Katie (she was born Byron Kathleen Reid, and everyone calls her Katie) discovered inquiry in 1986. Everything in this book comes from The Work of Byron Katie, her remarkable method for finding happiness and freedom. Katie has been traveling around the world for more than a dozen years teaching The Work directly to hundreds of thousands of people. In addition, she has introduced The Work into business settings, universities, schools, churches, prisons, and hospitals. Her website is www.thework.com, where you will find her schedule, articles about her, registration forms, and basic information about The Work.\u003cb\u003e1: DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU THINK?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHave you ever felt that the harder you look for love, the more it  seems to elude you? Or that seeking approval makes you feel insecure?  If you have, there's a reason. It's because seeking love and approval  is a sure way to lose the awareness of both. You can lose the  awareness of love, but never love itself. Love is what we are. So, if  love is what we are, why do we look for it so hard, and often with  such poor results? Only because of what we think—the thoughts we  believe that are not true.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou don't have to believe any of this. You can verify it for yourself  as you read this book or when you put the book down and ask four  questions about your own relationships, or lack of them, and discover  how your life changes.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn the pursuit of love, approval, and appreciation, what do we think?  We think that the love and approval of others are the keys to the  kingdom—to every good thing in the world. We think that seeking  romance brings love, a sexual partner, long-term closeness, marriage,  family. And we think that trying to impress society—trying to win  the admiration of the right people—is our best shot at bringing  fame, wealth, and satisfaction into our lives.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSo we think that if we succeed in the quest, we're home: safe, warm,  and appreciated. And what if we fail? We're homeless, out in the  cold, lost in the crowd, unnoticed, lonely, and forgotten. If those  are the stakes, no wonder the quest can be so fearful and  all-consuming. No wonder a compliment can make your day and a harsh  word can ruin it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe big, primitive fears rarely rise to the surface. Few people walk  around actually thinking that they're about to fall through the  cracks of society and vanish. Instead, thousands of anxious thoughts  appear all day long: \"Was I noticed?\" \"Why didn't she smile?\" \"Did I  make a good impression?\" \"Why hasn't he returned my call?\" \"Do I look  okay?\" \"Should I have said that?\" \"What do they think of me now?\"  It's a constant monitoring to see if we're gaining or losing ground  in the grand approval sweepstakes. Those little doubts are rarely  noticed or questioned, and yet they set in motion hundreds of  strategies designed to win favor and admiration, or just to please.  The unspoken belief is that unless people approve of you, you're  worthless.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe irony is that the struggle to win love and approval makes it very  difficult to experience them. Chronic approval seekers don't realize  that they are loved and supported not because of but despite their  efforts. And the more strenuously they seek, the less likely they are  to notice.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHow do we get into this predicament? For a few pages, we'll just look  at the ways unquestioned thoughts create our experience. We'll see  how often-unnoticed thoughts that most of us share lead us to  needing, wanting, longing, and reaching for what we already have. The  thoughts behind a familiar 3 a.m. anxiety attack are a good place to  start.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThought at 3 a.m.: Nothing Supports Me\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSuddenly you wake up in the middle of the night, glance at the clock,  and wish you were still asleep. A thought appears: \"What's going to  happen to me? It's a cold, uncaring universe. I don't know what to  do.\" These thoughts were triggered by a mutual-fund commercial you  saw last night, but you don't realize that. And the next ones come  from a half-remembered motivational tape: \"There are no guarantees in  this world. Nothing's going to happen for you unless you make it  happen.\" This thought provides a little boost, followed by a major  deflation as you remember that self-reliance hasn't worked all that  well for you. \"I need so much. I have so few resources to get it. My  survival skills aren't great, and basically I'm faking it. I'm  helpless and alone. \" The next thought brings some hope: \"If I could  just get more love from my family and friends, if just one person  really adored me, if my boss really believed in me, then I wouldn't  be so anxious, and I could count on being supported.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe thought \"Nothing supports me without my efforts\" is just one of  the unquestioned and often unnoticed beliefs that set in motion the  search for love and approval. Let's pause for a moment and explore  the opposite.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDaylight Reality Check:Everything Supports Me\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDo you know what supports your existence right now?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eJust to scratch the surface of this, suppose you've eaten your  breakfast, sat down in your favorite chair, and picked up this book.  Your neck and shoulders support your head. The bones and muscles of  your chest support your breathing. Your chair supports your body. The  floor supports your chair. The earth supports the building you live  in. Various stars and planets hold the earth in its orbit. Outside  your window a man walks down the street with his dog. Can you be sure  that he isn't playing a part in your support? He may work every day  in a cubicle, filing papers for the power company that makes your  lights come on.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAmong the people you see on the street, and the countless hands and  eyes working behind the scenes, can you be sure that there is anyone  who isn't supporting your existence? The same question applies to the  generations of ancestors who preceded you and to the various plants  and animals that had something to do with your breakfast. How many  unlikely coincidences allow you to be here!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTo explore this for a while, look around and see if there is anything  you can say for sure doesn't play some role in supporting you. Now  look again at the 3 a.m. thought \"Nothing supports me without my  efforts.\" In this moment wouldn't it be more true to say, \"Everything  supports me without my efforts\"? The proof is that here you are,  sitting in your chair, doing nothing, being fully supported.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEverything supports you whether or not you even notice it, whether or  not you think about it or understand it, whether you love it or hate  it, whether you're happy or sad, asleep or awake, motivated or  unmotivated. It just supports you without asking for anything in  return.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRight now, sitting in your chair, as you breathe, notice that you're  not doing the breathing, you're being breathed. You don't even have  to be aware of it, you don't even have to remember to breathe,  because that is supported too. Complicated and intricate as your  requirements for existence might be, they are all being met. At this  moment there's nothing you need, nothing you need to do. Notice how  it feels to take in that thought.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNow think of something you don't have. I'm sure you can think of something. . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eThe Thought That Kicks You Out of Heaven\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe thought that kicks you out of heaven could be \"I'd be a little  more comfortable if I had a pillow.\" Or it could be \"I'd be happier  if my partner were here.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWithout that thought, you're in heaven—just sitting in your chair,  being supported and being breathed. When you believe the thought that  something is missing, what do you experience? The immediate effect  may be subtle—only a slight restlessness as your attention moves  away from what you already have. But with that shift of attention,  you give up the peace you have as you sit in your chair. Seeking  comfort, you give yourself discomfort.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhat if you did get a pillow? That could work (if you have a pillow).  You may find yourself back in heaven again. It may be the very thing  you needed. Or you could pick up the phone and convince your partner  (if you have a partner) to join you, and maybe he or she would  actually arrive. And perhaps you would be happier, and perhaps you  wouldn't. In the meantime, there goes your peace.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe thought that kicks you out of heaven doesn't have to be about  comfort or happiness. It could be \"I'd be more secure if . . .\" or  \"If only it could always be like this,\" or it could be just the  thought of a cup of coffee. Most people are so busy making  improvements they don't notice they've stepped out of heaven.  Wherever they are, something or someone could always be better.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSo, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the  thoughts that take you away from it. You don't have to believe  everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the  particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may  seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way, but  becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way  home to everything you need.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eGetting to Know You\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen you begin to notice your thoughts, one of the first things  you'll see is that you're never alone. You're not alone with your  lover or with anyone else; you're not even alone with yourself.  Wherever you go, whomever you're with, the voice in your head goes  with you, whispering, nagging, enticing, judging, chattering,  shaming, guilt-tripping, or yelling at you. When you wake up in the  morning, your thoughts wake up with you. They push you out of bed and  follow you to work. They make comments about people at the office and  people in the store. They follow you to the bathroom, get into your  car when you do, and come back home again with you. Whether or not  someone is waiting for you at home, your thoughts will be there  waiting for you.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you're afraid to be alone, it means you're afraid of your  thoughts. If you loved your thoughts, you would love to be alone  anywhere with them; you wouldn't have to turn on the radio when you  get in the car, or the TV when you get home. The way you relate to  your thoughts—that's what you bring to every relationship you have,  including the one with yourself.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eBut Wait a Minute!\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou may be asking: \"That voice in my head, isn't it me? Don't I think  my thoughts?\" You can answer this for yourself. If the voice in your  head is you, who's the one listening to it?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen you wake up in the morning, you may notice that by the time you  realize you're thinking, you're already being thought. Thoughts just  appear. You're not doing them. Occasionally you may have the  experience of waking up before your thoughts. The mind spins for a  few seconds seeking to know what it is, and then the world restarts  in your thoughts, piece by piece. \"I am so and so. This is  Philadelphia. That person next to me is my husband. It's Tuesday. I  need to get up and go to work.\" That process happens continuously  when you're awake. Thoughts create your world and your identity in  every moment.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eWhat Do Your Thoughts Have to Say About Love?\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you listen to your thoughts, you'll notice that they are telling  you what love can do for you. For instance, after a disappointment in  love, you may have a raw and exposed feeling. Your thoughts may tell  you that you've been deprived, that you are abandoned, excluded,  empty, lonely, or incomplete. They may tell you that only love can  make you feel good again. If you're fearful, if you crave safety and  security, your thoughts may tell you that love will rescue you. If  life is disappointing or doesn't make sense, many people think that  love is the answer to that as well. It would be useful at this point  to see what you think. Just ask yourself what you hope for or expect  from love, and make a list of five things you think love will bring  you.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMost people believe that love and need are synonymous. \"I love you, I  need you\" is the hook of a thousand love songs.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you ask yourself what you really need in life, you'll probably  come up with a list like the one you just made about love. People ask  for the same things as they go through life. The way they ask just  gets a little more sophisticated:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMommmyyyy!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMine!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGimme!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI want . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI need . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePlease . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI need your love.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou're not fulfilling my needs in this relationship.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI need you to . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI can't go on without . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThese are my requirements . . .\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThoughts about your wants and needs can be very bossy. If you believe  them, you feel you have to do what they say—you have to get people's  love and approval. There is another way to respond to a thought, and  that is to question it. How can you question your wants and needs?  How can you meet your thoughts without believing them?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI meet my thoughts the way I would meet my husband or my children:  with understanding.Author of the National Bestseller Loving What Is","brand":"Harmony","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46303464358117,"sku":"NP9780307345301","price":16.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780307345301.jpg?v=1767729691","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/i-need-your-love-is-that-true-isbn-9780307345301","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}