{"product_id":"how-to-survive-a-horror-movie-isbn-9781683691464","title":"How to Survive a Horror Movie","description":"\u003cb\u003eThe screenwriter and producer behind Stephen King’s \u003ci\u003eIt\u003c\/i\u003e shares a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek survival guide that celebrates iconic horror movies both past and present!\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003e \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003eTHE PERFECT GIFT FOR HORROR MOVIE LOVERS: Features spooky illustrations, a list of 100 must-see horror films, and an introduction by \u003ci\u003eNightmare on Elm Street\u003c\/i\u003e’s Wes Craven.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you’re probably trapped in a horror movie. But don’t freak out—just read this book! With it you will learn how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films, including:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • How to determine what type of horror film you’re trapped in\u003cbr\u003e • The five types of slashers and how to defeat them\u003cbr\u003e • How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, and other haunted objects\u003cbr\u003e • How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, and other global threats\u003cbr\u003e • What to do if you did something last summer, if your corn has children in it, or if you suspect you’re already dead\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e So don't be afraid: no vampire, zombie horde, cannibal hillbilly, Japanese vengeance ghost, or other horror movie monster can hurt you—as long as you have this book.FOREWORD: AN APOLOGY FROM WES CRAVEN\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER I: WELCOME TO THE TERRORVERSE\u003cbr\u003eHow Do I Know If I’m in a Horror Movie?\u003cbr\u003eHow Do I Know What Type of Horror Movie I’m In?\u003cbr\u003eC.R.A.V.E.N. (Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North)\u003cbr\u003eThe Seven Deadly Horror Movie Sins\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Horror Movie High School\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER II: SLASHER SURVIVAL SCHOOL\u003cbr\u003eThe Slaughterhouse Five: Five Types of Slashers and How to Defeat Them\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive Summer Vacation\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Night of Babysitting\u003cbr\u003eHow to Stay Awake for a Week\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER III: INANIMATE EVIL\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Haunted House\u003cbr\u003eWhat to Do When an Evil Vehicle Wants You Dead\u003cbr\u003eHow to Defeat a Killer Doll\u003cbr\u003eHow to Tell If an Object Is Evil\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER IV: CRYPT-OGRAPHY\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Cemetery\u003cbr\u003eThe Good, the Bad, and the Deadly: Know Your Ghosts\u003cbr\u003eHow to Kill the Living Dead\u003cbr\u003eHow to Kill a Vampire\u003cbr\u003eHow to Tell If You’ve Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER V: MONSTER MASH\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Global Alien Attack\u003cbr\u003eWhat to Do If It Follows You\u003cbr\u003eHow to Survive a Space-Based Horror Movie\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCHAPTER 666: THE SATANIC “VERSUS”\u003cbr\u003eWhat to Do If Your Corn Has Children in It\u003cbr\u003eFour Ways to Handle a Witch How to Perform an Exorcism\u003cbr\u003eWhat to Do If You Have Only Seven Days to Live\u003cbr\u003eHow to Defeat Satan“Grahame-Smith’s little volume is just like a horror movie: entertaining and…a fun afternoon’s diversion.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Hartford Courant\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e “If you have snakes on your plane, did something last summer or suspect you’ve been dead since the beginning of the movie, then this is the book for you.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003eMcClatchy-Tribune\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“If anyone would know how to survive a horror movie, it would be Seth Grahame-Smith.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eTulsa World\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e “\u003ci\u003eHow to Survive a Horror Movie\u003c\/i\u003e is essential reading for horror movie buffs of all ages.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003eThink Geek\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Insightful, funny, and a must-have companion for any horror fan.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003c\/b\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cb\u003eGeeks of Doom\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“A tongue-in-cheek guide loaded with humorous insights to the many familiar cinematic tropes that populate the genre.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eHorror DNA\u003c\/i\u003e, 4 star review\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eSeth Grahame-Smith\u003c\/b\u003e is a\u003ci\u003e New York Times\u003c\/i\u003e best-selling author (\u003ci\u003ePride and Prejudice and Zombies\u003c\/i\u003e; \u003ci\u003eAbraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter\u003c\/i\u003e), screenwriter (\u003ci\u003eDark Shadows; The Lego Batman Movie\u003c\/i\u003e), and producer (Stephen King’s \u003ci\u003eIt\u003c\/i\u003e) of film and television. His novel \u003ci\u003ePride and Prejudice and Zombies\u003c\/i\u003e debuted at #3 on the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times\u003c\/i\u003e Best Seller List, has sold over two million copies, and has been translated into more than twenty languages. A film adaptation was released in 2016.Introduction\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI’ve always had a special place in my heart for horror movie characters. You have to feel sorry for the poor bastards. Of all the film genres they might have found themselves in—romantic comedies, costume dramas, inspiring biopics—these unlucky chumps were spawned in that darkest and most desolate tract of cinematic real estate: the opening moments of a horror movie.\u003cbr\u003e     Whether it’s the perky camp counselor, the overconfident scientist, or the security guard who leaves his post to check on “that weird noise,” the odds of survival are not good for these pitiful wretches. Like the thousands of baby sea turtles who hatch from their leathery eggs and crawl toward the sea only to be snatched up by waiting predators before they even had a chance to live, precious few horror movie characters survive to see the end credits.\u003cbr\u003e     Before I was lucky enough to make horror movies of my own, I spent my formative years sitting in carpeted basements, lights off, watching these films on VHS. My friends and I screamed ourselves hoarse—not just because we were scared, but at the sheer stupidity on display. The poor choices being made. The obvious death traps being walked into. The sex being sexed.\u003cbr\u003e     Yet, as stupid and helpless as the victims in these stories were, I felt for them. Yes, I loved watching them get hacked to pieces. Yes, I laughed at their gruesome demises. Yes, I laughed harder when they died naked. But a little part of me—the part deep, deep down that still had the capacity to care for others—wanted to help them.\u003cbr\u003e     And so I wrote this book as a tribute to these most pathetic of creatures, in hopes that I might succeed in two noble pursuits: 1) helping even one person meet the horror movie odds, and 2) avoid being evicted from my apartment for back rent.\u003cbr\u003e     Of course, that was back in 2007. I was young and naïve. Though much of the advice I offered then remains valid, the Terrorverse has invented new ways to inflict bloody death on its citizens . . . and on\u003ci\u003e you\u003c\/i\u003e, should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie. (Perhaps you’re in one already; chapter one will help you figure that out.) This updated edition draws from plenty of new and noteworthy horror movies to keep your survival skills up to date. It features new tactics, new artwork, and an updated appendix of must-see horror flicks. I’ve learned a few things in the ensuing years. A few more skills to dodge the kills.\u003cbr\u003e     Now come with me if you want to live . . .","brand":"Quirk Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46303433851109,"sku":"NP9781683691464","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9781683691464.jpg?v=1767729474","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/how-to-survive-a-horror-movie-isbn-9781683691464","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}