{"product_id":"hold-on-to-your-kids-isbn-9780375760280","title":"Hold On to Your Kids","description":"\u003cb\u003eThis parenting classic is as relevant today as it was when it was first published, shining a light on one of the most misunderstood trends of our time: how the influence of peers, magnified by social media and video game culture, is replacing parents in the lives of children, and what parents can do about it—now featuring a new chapter\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003eWINNER OF THE NATIONAL PARENTING PUBLICATIONS GOLD AWARD • “A worthy book that brings us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting.”—Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of \u003ci\u003eReviving Ophelia\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eChildren take their lead from their friends: Being “cool” matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity, and codes of behavior, peer groups are often far more influential than parents. But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous—it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious, and alienated.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn \u003ci\u003eHold On to Your Kids,\u003c\/i\u003e acclaimed physician and bestselling author Gabor Maté joins forces with psychologist Gordon Neufeld to pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to “reattach” to your children and earn back their loyalty and love.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBy helping to reawaken our instincts, Neufeld and Maté empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of enrichment, security, and warmth for their children.\u003cb\u003eNATIONAL BESTSELLER\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“\u003ci\u003eHold on to Your Kids\u003c\/i\u003e blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the ‘context’ of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad.” \u003cb\u003e—Dr. Mary Pipher, author of \u003ci\u003eReviving Ophelia\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eThe Shelter of Each Other\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e \u003ci\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e“\u003ci\u003eHold on to Your Kids\u003c\/i\u003e is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of sociey. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously.” \u003cb\u003e—Peter A. Levine Ph.D., International teacher and author of the bestselling books: \u003ci\u003eWaking the Tiger, Healing Trauma\u003c\/i\u003e and \u003ci\u003eIt Won’t Hurt Forever\u003c\/i\u003e: \u003ci\u003eGuiding Your Child through Trauma\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative—even inspirational—for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eBulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“With original insights on parent-child attachments and how parents can restore them, this is a book for revitalizing families and rekindling the song in their children’s hearts.” \u003cb\u003e—Raffi, children’s troubadour, founder of Child Honoring Society Institute\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“With simple ideas and steps, this book is directed not only to parents, but to all those—educators, social workers, counselors—whose lives and work bring them into contact with children.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eQuill \u0026amp; Quire\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Though this is Neufeld’s personal theory, Maté (\u003ci\u003eScattered Minds, When the Body Says No\u003c\/i\u003e) has expressed his colleague’s ideas in precise and hard-hitting prose that makes complex ideas accessible without dumbing them down. The result is a book that grabs hard, with the potential to hit many parents where they live.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Edmonton Journal\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“May serve as a loud wake-up call for mothers and fathers. . . . This one offers what many of the others do not—that rare commodity known as common sense.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eWinnipeg Free Press\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“With the benefit of 30 years of research and experience, Neufeld has crafted a coherent, compelling theory of child development that will cause an immediate frisson of recognition and acceptance in its readers. His approach has the power to change, if not save, the lives of our children.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eNational Post\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“The authors present doable strategies to help parents help their kids. If their advice is taken to heart, there’s hope there will be more warmth and security all round.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Georgia Straight\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003ePraise for \u003ci\u003eScattered Minds\u003c\/i\u003e by Gabor Maté, M.D.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“Rare and refreshing. . . . Here you will find family stories, an accessible description of brain development and sound information. You will also find hope.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Globe and Mail\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e“An utterly sensible and deeply moving book written for a general audience.” \u003cb\u003e—\u003ci\u003eThe Vancouver Sun\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eGordon Neufeld, Ph.D\u003c\/b\u003e, is a Vancouver-based clinical psychologist, internationally renowned as a foremost authority on child development. His Neufeld Institute delivers many courses he has created for parents, educators, and helping professionals on several continents. He is recognized for his unique ability to unlock the clues to seemingly complex problems of child rearing and education.\u003cbr\u003e  \u003cbr\u003e \u003cb\u003eGabor Maté, M.D.\u003c\/b\u003e, is a physician and the \u003ci\u003eNew York Times \u003c\/i\u003ebestselling author of \u003ci\u003eThe Myth of Normal, When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds, \u003c\/i\u003eand \u003ci\u003eIn the Realm of Hungry Ghosts\u003c\/i\u003e. A sought-after authority on stress, mind-body health, ADHD, parenting, and addictions, he travels extensively, addressing health personnel, teachers, and lay audiences across North America and internationally.\u003cb\u003ePART ONE: The Phenomenon of Peer Orientation\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Chapter One: In Our Own Backyard\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Something  has changed. We can sense it, can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children  are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their  cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting  into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents were more confident,  more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better -- or, sometimes,  for worse. For many today, parenting does not feel natural. Through the ages adults  have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult  to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Today’s parents love their children as much as parents ever have, but the love doesn’ t always get through. We have just as much to teach them as parents ever did, but  they seem less interested in following our direction. We can sense our children’s  potential but do not feel empowered to guide them toward fulfilling it. Sometimes  they live and act as if they have been seduced away from us by some siren song we  do not hear. We fear, if only vaguely, that the world has become less safe for them  and that we are powerless to protect them. The gap opening up between children and  adults can seem unbridgeable at times.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e We struggle to live up to our image of what  parenting ought to be like. Not achieving the results we want, we plead with our  children, we cajole, bribe, reward or punish. We hear ourselves address them in tones  that seem harsh even to us and foreign to our true nature. We sense ourselves grow  cold in moments of crisis, precisely when we would wish to summon our unconditional  love. We feel hurt as parents, and rejected. We blame -- ourselves for failing at  the parenting task, or our children for being recalcitrant, or television for distracting  them, or the school system for not being strict enough. When our impotence becomes  unbearable we reach for simplistic, authoritarian formulas consistent with the do-it-yourself\/quick-fix  ethos of our era.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The very importance of parenting to the development and maturation  of young human beings has come under question. “Do Parents Matter?” was the title  of a cover article in \u003ci\u003eNewsweek\u003c\/i\u003e magazine in 1998. “Parenting has been oversold,” argued  a book1 that received international attention that year. “You have been led to believe  that you have more of an influence on your child’s personality than you really do.” \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e The question of parental influence would not be of great moment if things were  going well with our young. They are not -- and many of us feel that instinctively,  even if we cannot explain exactly how and why. That our children do not seem to listen  to us or to embrace our traditions and culture as their own would, perhaps, be acceptable  in itself -- if we felt that they were truly self-sufficient, self-directed and grounded  in themselves, if they had a positive sense of who they are and if they possessed  a clear sense of direction and purpose in life. We see that for so many children  and young adults those qualities are lacking. In homes, in schools, in community  after community developing young human beings have lost their moorings. Many lack  self-control and are increasingly prone to alienation, drug use, violence and a general  aimlessness. They are less teachable and more difficult to manage than their counterparts  of even a few decades ago. Many have lost their ability to adapt, to learn from negative  experience and to mature. The crisis of the young has manifested itself ominously  in the growing problem of bullying in the schools and, at its most extreme, in the  murder of children by children, whether in British Columbia or New York, Quebec or  Colorado.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e Committed and responsible parents are frustrated. Our cues are not being  taken, our directives are ineffective, and it appears our children would rather be  elsewhere than at home. Despite our loving care kids seem highly stressed. Parents  and other elders no longer appear to be the natural mooring point for the young,  as used to be the case with human beings and is still the case with all other species  living in their natural habitats. Senior generations, the parents and grandparents  of the baby boomer group, look at us with incomprehension. “We didn’t need how-to  manuals on parenting in our days, we just did it,” they say, with some mixture of  truth and misunderstanding.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e This state of affairs is ironic, given that more is  known about child development than ever before. More courses and books are available  on child rearing, and we can offer our children more things to do and explore. We  probably live in a more child-centred universe than our predecessors did.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e So what  has changed? The problem, in a word, is \u003ci\u003econtext\u003c\/i\u003e. Parenting is not something we can  engage in with just any child, no matter how well intentioned, skilled or compassionate  we may be. Parenting requires a context to be effective. A child must be receptive  to our parenting for us to be successful in our nurturing, comforting, guiding and  directing. Children do not automatically grant us the authority to parent them just  because we are adults, or just because we love them or know what is good for them  or have their best interests at heart. Those who parent other people’s children are  often confronted by this fact, be they step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents,  grandparents, babysitters, nannies, daycare providers or teachers. Less obviously  but of great importance is the fact that even with one’s own children the natural  parenting authority can become lost if the context for it becomes eroded.","brand":"Ballantine Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46302532141285,"sku":"NP9780375760280","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1842\/7735\/files\/9780375760280.jpg?v=1767729124","url":"https:\/\/k12savings.com\/es\/products\/hold-on-to-your-kids-isbn-9780375760280","provider":"K12savings","version":"1.0","type":"link"}