Hiding Out: A Memoir of Drugs, Deception, and Double Lives

“[Hiding Out] brims with drunkenness, sexuality and urgency...a “can’t-put-down” read.”  — Washington Post

Actress and playwright Tina Alexis Allen’s audacious memoir unravels her privileged suburban Catholic upbringing that was shaped by her formidable father—a man whose strict religious devotion and dedication to his large family hid his true nature and a life defined by deep secrets and dangerous lies.

The youngest of thirteen children in a devout Catholic family, Tina Alexis Allen grew up in 1980s suburban Maryland in a house ruled by her stern father, Sir John, an imposing, British-born authoritarian who had been knighted by the Pope. Sir John supported his large family running a successful travel agency that specialized in religious tours to the Holy Land and the Vatican for pious Catholics.

But his daughter, Tina, was no sweet and innocent Catholic girl. A smart-mouthed high school basketball prodigy, she harbored a painful secret: she liked girls. When Tina was eighteen her father discovered the truth about her sexuality. Instead of dragging her to the family priest and lecturing her with tearful sermons about sin and damnation, her father shocked her with his honest response. He, too, was gay.

The secret they shared about their sexuality brought father and daughter closer, and the two became trusted confidants and partners in a relationship that eventually spiraled out of control. Tina and Sir John spent nights dancing in gay clubs together, experimenting with drugs, and casual sex—all while keeping the rest of their family in the dark.

Outside of their wild clandestine escapades, Sir John made Tina his heir apparent at the travel agency. Drawn deeper into the business, Tina soon became suspicious of her father’s frequent business trips, his multiple passports and cache of documents, and the briefcases full of cash that mysteriously appeared and quickly vanished. Digging deeper, she uncovered a disturbing facet beyond the stunning double-life of the father she thought she knew.

A riveting and cinematic true tale stranger and twistier than fiction, Hiding Out is an astonishing story of self-discovery, family, secrets, and the power of the truth to set us free.

How does a daughter survive a bond with her father built on secrets?

• A Complicated Father Daughter Relationship: She’s the youngest of thirteen; he’s Sir John, a Knight of the Pope. When he discovers she’s gay, he confesses he is too, pulling her into a dangerous partnership she may not survive.
• A Shocking Double Life: Together, Tina and Sir John spend nights dancing in gay clubs, experimenting with drugs and casual sex—all while keeping the rest of their devoutly Catholic family in the dark.
• Uncovering Vatican Secrets: Drawn into her father’s travel agency, Tina uncovers multiple passports, briefcases full of cash, and a clandestine life that suggests Sir John is more than just a tour guide for the pious.
• A Raw Coming of Age Memoir: A powerful story of self-discovery, rebellion, and survival that navigates the complexities of sexuality, faith, and the kind of secrets that can either bind a family together or tear it apart.

Tina Alexis Allen, the youngest of thirteen in a devout family, grew up in suburban Washington, D.C., in a home dominated by Sir John—an English orphan, ex-soldier, and Catholic servant so diligent that he had been knighted by the pope.

As Tina became a smart-mouthed teenager, she learned the language of  secrets, including her sexuality. When Sir John brought Tina into his successful Catholic travel agency as a protégé she realized that he was even more expert than she in the complicated work of secret keeping. Together, father and daughter create a private world—reveling in their true selves, pushing boundaries, and living parallel double lives. But what begins as a tender confession quickly spirals into booze-soaked nights of sex, drugs, and lies. And, as Tina dives deeper into her father’s life, she discovers a deeply conflicted man whose commitment to his faith has led him down dangerous pathways that she could never have dreamed of.

Hiding Out is a memoir of a father and daughter and an astonishing story of self-discovery, the family ties that bind, the shame that binds even tighter, and the power of the truth to set us free.

“Scandalous, resonant, and refreshingly free of self-justification, Hiding Out is a compelling tale of sin and service, concealment and disclosure, hedonism and righteousness...an in-the-moment dose of the exhilarating tragedy of being alive.”  - Mark Riebling, author of Church of Spies

“Scandalous, resonant, and refreshingly free of self-justification, Hiding Out is a compelling tale of sin and service, concealment and disclosure, hedonism and righteousness.  At its heart is the troubled love between a papal knight worthy of the pen of Evelyn Waugh, and a daughter who might have stepped from the pages of Anais Nin.  More than a memoir of Catholic family dysfunction, and more than a journey into addiction and recovery, it’s an in-the-moment dose of the exhilarating tragedy of being alive.”  - Mark Riebling, author of Church of Spies

“A writer candidly confronts her personal truth in her quest for transformation, transcendence, and redemption.” - Kirkus Reviews

“Brutally honest and shamelessly truthful, Allen discovers that deceit is not an individual act, and learns how, unless interrupted by sunshine, exploitation endlessly engenders exploitation. Throughout the memoir, however, Allen’s strong sense of self guides her away from shadow and unerringly towards real family love. For the author, the very act of writing this book—of declaring the truth after years and layers of lies—is her transformative path. And so we, as readers, in receiving these secrets, act as agents of her transformation.” - Fr. Richard Rohr, author of Falling Upward

“Brutally honest and shamelessly truthful.” - Fr. Richard Rohr, author of Falling Upward

“I love this book—brave, brutal truths.” - Rosie O'Donnell

“This is not a book for the faint of heart. Tina scrubs her soul clean within its pages, uncovering and exposing the web of lies her young adulthood had become…[she] succeeds on all levels with this memoir you definitely will not forget.” - Talk Nerdy With Us

“I can fully recommend it, I read it cover to cover, the writing was excellent and was completely engrossed; the story is incredibly compelling.” - Megyn Kelly, Megyn Kelly TODAY

“Perhaps it’s Allen’s background as an actress and playwright that gives Hiding Out, at turns jaw-dropping and spellbinding, its dramatic tension and spot-on dialogue. Her memoir is as compulsive to read as it is heartbreaking. And that’s the truth.” - Washington Independent Review of Books

“[Tina Alexis Allen] doesn’t hold back in her memoir Hiding Out.” - Teen Vogue

“Tina Alexis Allen was tired of living in the shadows...She is hoping [Hiding Out] will encourage others to come forward and speak out against being abused.” - FoxNews.com

“Allen’s life — once dominated by cruelty and abuse — takes a deep dive into decadence, fueled by cocaine, champagne and Sir John’s never-ending supply of mysterious money. Hiding Out is about a lot of lies, and some are the ones we tell ourselves.” - New York Daily News

“[Hiding Out] brims with drunkenness, sexuality and urgency...She showcases excellent writing skills, packaging grit and grime into glistening prose. Her twisted mystery, family woes of the nastiest kind and multilayered love stories spin together to form a “can’t-put-down” read in Hiding Out.”

“Deeply felt” - Booklist

“Hiding Out is a whiplash read for its drama and intrigue, but it’s also an openhearted exploration of history, hypocrisy, and the fact that we may never know the answers to the questions that have shaped our lives.” - Shondaland.com