Glop: Nontoxic, Expensive Ideas That Will Make You Look Ridiculous and Feel Pretentious

A wickedly funny, full-color, illustrated sendup of the trendy lifestyle publication GOOP.

What is Glop?

Glop is a business and a website. But Glop is also a feeling. It’s about picking the right expensive organic eye cream that will make you fit seamlessly into the top tiers of high society and sits next to Bono at a 42-course seitan tasting dinner held in a sex dungeon deep beneath the North Pole. Glop is about being conscious to the tiny details of our lives—what to eat, where to buy your cashmere yoga pants, which juice cleanse will remove the most mercury toxins from both your body and your cashmere yoga pants. Glop is about you.

In this scathingly humorous parody, Gabrielle Moss skewers the vanity, elitism, and silliness of the lifestyle website everyone loves to hate. Here are favorite recipes, detoxes, activities, cleanses, beauty tips, juice cleanses, vacation destinations, and a selection of hand creams that will open your third eye—plus lots of celebrity namedropping and more.

Glop includes everything from the silly to sublime—make-at-home stem cell moisturizing repair masques, weekend colonics, restorative yoga poses (for when Sting is mad at you about that thing you did), and even the freshest bones for your bone broth. Here, too, are G’s essential tips on parenthood, relationships, work and finances, entertaining, food (well, maybe not food), spirituality, beauty, fashion, home, gifts, kids, and more. Nothing in Glop is sacred—except for a few Indian cows you can’t afford.

What’s glop?

glop is a superior wellness adventure (and the goop parody we all deserve)

Here at glop, we’re not just a guide to the most absurd in luxury staples—we’re your trusted, resource-rich (and don’t you forget it) frenemy! 

Let glop guide you on how to make, go, get, do, be, and see the life of a truly pretentious person. Since launching in the early 2000s from the guest bathroom of an Oscar Award™—winning friend’s TriBeCa loft, the success of glop has grown beyond our most lucid dreams. Led by the incomparable G, we are here to strongly, critically suggest how you should be living your best life.

Who can forget our infamous elite advice for conscious uncoupling, bee sting therapy, vaginal steaming, and auditory hallucinations? We certainly didn’t! Now it’s time to bring all that glop has to offer to a far-reaching audience. This organic* publication offers inner beauty tips for spiritual peace and shinier hair, exclusive recipes that will leave you hungry for more (food), travel guides to the trendiest undisclosed locations, entertaining DIYs that will put your rivals to shame, relationship advice for people who are too busy to compromise, fitness tips for never lifting a finger, and so much more—all expertly curated in the ultimate glop collection where people who have never owned their own island can finally discover them.

glop is your mental mentor, your biased bestie, and your cruelest Pilates instructor all in one.

*Not certifiably organic, simply obnoxious.

“[Glop] bills itself as “wickedly funny,” and I can confirm it is… How could you harness so much material into one book? Could you? Well, yes; [Gabrielle Moss] takes one concept and runs with it, committed and cheekily hilarious.” - Food52

“If you’re among the many, many humans who hate-read Goop, you’ll be psyched to know that Glop is the Goop parody book you’ve been hoping for... The book is truly a breath of fresh air for anyone who can’t afford $9,000 Oxygen tanks from Fiji, and probably even for the people who can.” - The Frisky

“If you’re among the many, many humans who hate-read Goop, you’ll be psyched to know that Glop is the Goop parody book you’ve been hoping for... The book is truly a breath of fresh air for anyone who can’t afford $9,000 Oxygen tanks from Fiji...” - The Frisky

“[Glop] really is the perfect holiday gift for that friend who claims she reads Goop for the sake of irony, but has also non-ironically adopted the phrase “conscious uncoupling” into her everyday vernacular. You know the one.” - The Hollywood Reporter

“...poke fun at the one of the most pretentious, talked about, unaware celeb manifested sites with Glop…. you’ll laugh, but respect Gwyneth for being true to the only life she, and her circle, have known.” - It's Tillie

“This wickedly funny, full-color, illustrated sendup of the trendy, pretentious celebrity website Goop is the perfect coffee table book for yourself or a friend!” - Mama Fashionista

“Love (or hate) Gwyneth Paltrow’s impossibly everything lifestyle blog and brand Goop? Then Gabrielle Moss’ new tome, Glop...It’s so LOL funny even Gwyneth might find herself smiling as she calls her attorneys for an injunction.” - San Francisco Chronicle

“…hilarious from start-to-finish. It’s the perfect stocking stuffer for your one sister-in-law who reads celeb gossip obsessively and plans to deliver her firstborn baby to the sounds of whale calls and the scent of peppermint essential oil.” - Bustle