When Push Comes to Shove

Fills the rapidly-growing need for hands-on guidance in resolving interpersonal disputes in all areas of life--including the workplace, the classroom, and courtroom-adjunct programs--offering a how-to approach to mediation. This book is a valuable tool for the growing group of lay and professional mediators, including volunteers and professionals in court-adjunct programs, attorneys, teachers, and social services, along with HR professionals and managers in organizations who need these core skills areas for their work. When Push Comes to Shove covers the basic interpersonal and communications skills needed to mediate conflict, presenting a five-step mediation process, and coaches the reader through each phase. It also addresses mediation on the fly where a more structured process is not possible or called for. Preface xi

The Author xvii

A Brief Introduction to Mediation 1

1 Starting Out: The Key Concepts of Mediation 3

2 Using the Conflict Grid to Analyze Disputes and GenerateSolutions 23

3 Preparing to be a Mediator 45

Step One: First Contact 53

4 Orienting the Parties 55

5 Arranging the Meeting Space 65

Step Two: The Opening Meeting 73

6 Conducting the First Meeting 75

Step Three: The Caucus Process 89

7 Conducting Separate Meetings 91

8 Learning by Example: Two Caucus Stories 111

9 Generating Solutions and Drafting a Trial Agreement 123

Step Four: Joint/Shuttle Meetings 131

10 Planning the Next Round 133

11 Using the SOS Model (Summaries-Offers-Summaries) 137

12 Resolving Impasses 147

Step Five: Closing 163

13 Testing the Agreement 165

14 Putting the Agreement in Writing 171

15 Wrapping up the Process 187

Variations 193

16 When Interpersonal Peacemaking is Needed 195

17 When Face-to-Face Meetings Won't Work 209

18 When Informal Mediation Can Help 213

Epilogue: The Mediator's Calling 219

Resources 223

A Communication Skills Review 225

B Sample Ground Rules and Forms 237

C Ethical Standards 243

D Mediation of Disputes Involving Domestic Violence 247

E Professional Organizations 251

F Cases 253

G Exercise Feedback 265

Quick Reference Checklist 285

Notes 291

Index 295 KARL A. SLAIKEU is president of Chorda Conflict Management, Inc., an Austin, Texas based consulting and training company specializing in conflict management systems and training. His previous books include Crisis Intervention: A Handbook for Practice and Research (1990, 2nd ed.) and Up from the Ashes: How to Survive and Grow Through Personal Crisis (1987). Fills the rapidly-growing need for hands-on guidance in resolving interpersonal disputes in all areas of life--including the workplace, the classroom, and courtroom-adjunct programs--offering a how-to approach to mediation. This book is a valuable tool for the growing group of lay and professional mediators, including volunteers and professionals in court-adjunct programs, attorneys, teachers, and social services, along with HR professionals and managers in organizations who need these core skills areas for their work. When Push Comes to Shove covers the basic interpersonal and communications skills needed to mediate conflict, presenting a five-step mediation process, and coaches the reader through each phase. It also addresses mediation "on the fly" where a more structured process is not possible or called for. This how-to-approach to mediation is a valuable tool for the growing group of lay and professional mediators for resolving interpersonal disputes in all areas of life--including the workplace, the classroom, and courtroom adjunct programs. It identifies key interpersonal and communication skills, presents a five-step mediation process, an coaches the reader through each phase. The authors also address mediation "on the fly" for situations when a more structured process is not possible or called for. It is a valuable guide for attorneys, teachers, social service workers, HR professionals and corporate managers.