Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex--and How to Get It

From a famed sex therapist and marriage counselor comes the key to a healthier, more exciting, more fulfilling sex life—A game-changing guide to liberating sex, pure desire, and unrivaled intimacy

“Instead of a manual of better tricks, this book is a practical plan to improve your relationship with your sexuality. Klein liberates and provokes--and illuminates the way to change your sexual experience for good.” — Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity

Enjoyable sex: It’s not about technique or a perfect body or being hopelessly, passionately in love. It’s about sexual intelligence.

In his three decades of working with couples and individuals of all orientations and backgrounds as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, Psychology Today contributor Dr. Marty Klein has continuously seen that although most people say what they want from sex is pleasure and closeness, that’s not what they focus on during sex. Instead, we’re preoccupied with how we look, what our partner is thinking, how we’re performing, and whether we’re “normal.” We do more thinking, worrying, and judging than experiencing. Sex like that can’t thrill us, can’t create intimacy, and can’t, well, feel sexy.

Weaving in personal, real-life experiences from his clients Klein shows how to:

• Stop observing ourselves during sex, ending our obsession with sexual performance and sexual normality.
• Gain the emotional skills and body awareness to get more out of sex, and gain a new perspective on then experience—wherever it takes you.
• Have fulfilling, exciting sex at every stage of our lives— with advice for every decade from our twenties to our sixties and beyond.

 “I don’t help people ‘function’ better during sex,” he says. “I teach people how to relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, in the situation they have.” Sex changes over time, and so do we. From exploring the sexual world to establishing new rhythms to adapting to change and to saying goodbye to youthful sex: Klein shows us the force of creating a new sexual style for every stage of our journeys.

Sexual Intelligence sharply removes the stigma and challenges our understanding of sex, love, intimacy, romance, and satisfaction. After all, sex isn’t just an activity. Change the way you think about sex, and you can change your sex life—forever.

In Sexual Intelligence, Dr. Marty Klein shows how our ideas about sex—and ourselves—are more important than a perfect body or exotic techniques. With many engaging examples from his thirty-year private practice, Marty provides a robust, practical perspective that makes it impossible for people to fail at sex—because they don't aim for success.

“If you read only one book on sex and relationships during your entire lifetime, this should be it. Dr. Klein confronts the problems that have plagued couples since the beginning of time with refreshingly simple and brilliant insight.” - Paul Joannides, Psy.D., author of Guide to Getting It On

“Instead of a manual of better tricks, this book is a practical plan to improve your relationship with your sexuality. Klein liberates and provokes--and illuminates the way to change your sexual experience for good.” - Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity

“Klein is comforting and permission-giving, while presenting boundaries that you can discuss with a partner if you have concerns. This is an easy to read, smart book with loads of information and advice. Sexual Intelligence is an important contribution to the field and to the reader.” - Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., sex/relationship expert, AARP; chief relationship expert, PerfectMatch.com

“Read this if you want to let go of your inhibitions and improve your sex life. You might have to change your mind-set first, but Klein’s advice, quizzes, diagrams, and case studies will help you do just that.” - Psychology Today

“Marty Klein is the Steve Jobs of sex advice. With beguiling ease, he takes complex issues and distills them down to their essence. Sexual Intelligence is a work of enormous wisdom and expansiveness, and will inspire readers, regardless of age, to realize their full sexual potential.” - Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First

“Marty Klein’s is a calm voice of reason at the center of the storm raging around sex in America. His tolerant, informed approach to the unavoidable sexual difficulties we all face is a welcome antidote to the panic and ignorance clouding public discussion and private understanding.” - Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., co-author of Sex at Dawn

“Klein covers the basics and not-so-basic with wisdom, humor, and the experience of a seasoned therapist. He is comforting and permission-giving, while presenting helpful boundaries that you can discuss with a partner if you have concerns. This is an easy to read, smart book with loads of information and advice. Sexual Intelligence is an important contribution to the field and to the reader.” - Dr.Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., sex/relationship expert, AARP; chief relationship expert, PerfectMatch.com

“Sexual Intelligence will help you fire the sex cops who have set up roadblocks in your head, and replace them with some good ideas to ponder and put into action. Dr.Klein has truly given us a helpful guide to authentic sexual satisfaction.” - Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger and Marriage Rules