Fighting for Your African American Marriage

Fighting for Your African American Marriage gives you solid solutions to the challenges your marriage faces every day. The book contains a unique perspective and presents the powerful, proven strategies of the highly acclaimed PREP(Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) approach for helping black couples beat the odds and master the skills that can prevent marital distress and divorce. Acknowledgments xi

Introduction xiii

What Makes Our World Go 'Round 1

Four Key Patterns That Destroy Oneness 27

Communicating Safely and Clearly: The Speaker-Listener Technique 49

Handlin' Business: Problem Solving 73

Ground Rules for Handling Conflict 99

Timing Is Everything: Issues and Events 117

Unmet Expectations and What to Do About Them 137

Stickin' Together: Commitment 155

Core Belief Systems: Religious, Spiritual, and Otherwise 175

Forgiving, Forgetting, and Intimacy 199

Preserving and Protecting Friendship 219

Marriage and Fun: They Go Together! 231

Sexual Healing 243

Keeping It Together 255

Selected Research and Resources 269

More Information on the PREP Approach 277

Finding a Counselor When You Need One 279

Some Thoughts on Domestic Violence 283

About the Authors 285

Index 287

Adhering to the blueprint of their highly successful Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (1994), the authors outline the "Four Key Patterns That Destroy Oneness" (escalation; invalidation, withdrawal and avoidance; negative interpretation), the "Speaker/Listener Technique" for clarifying problems and methods of "Problem Solving," with "Ground Rules for Handling Conflict." Readers learn to distinguish between issues and events and to recognize the need for commitment, forgiveness, intimacy, friendship, sex and fun in a successful relationship. Brief anecdotes and conversations bring an immediacy and familiarity to the text, and exercises at the end of each chapter provide practice. With the inclusion of Whitfield, Pennsylvania State University professor of behavioral health and the only African-American among the authors, this work sensitively and forthrightly addresses the "special issues" and concerns of African-American couples, which include the "the pressure of racism--stereotyped gender roles--the extended family of kin and non-blood relations--"the special role of the church" as well as economic issues and concerns "regarding interracial intimacy." The breadth of class and occupation covered enriches the book, as does the recognition that marital problems in couples of any race or ethnicity may involve where to have dinner or what video to rent. An eminently readable and practical guide. (Publishers Weekly, September 10, 2001) Keith E. Whitfield, Ph.D., is professor at Penn State University, and a researcher who has specialized in issues related to the black family.
Howard Markman, Ph.D., is internationally known for his work on divorce prevention. He is professor of psychology and codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver.
Scott Stanley, Ph.D. is a noted expert on marriage and commitment, and is codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. He has coauthored A Lasting Promise, the Christian version of this book.
Susan L. Blumberg, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, director of Interpersonal Communication Options, and specializes in helping families and couples revitalize their relationships. Fighting for Your African American Marriage offers black couples a practical, down-to-earth guide-grounded in more than twenty years of research-that shows what you can do to enhance your marriage, prevent divorce, and put more joy into your life as a couple. The authors of Fighting for Your African American Marriage understand

• The stress that the everyday pressures of racism-on the job, in school, and at the mall-put on how you get along as husband and wife
• How stereotyped gender roles can undermine and demoralize your marriage
• The difficulties of staying afloat economically in a society where higher unemployment, lower incomes, and below average educational opportunities for African Americans are the norm
• The special issues you face in raising, nurturing, and disciplining children in a society that discriminates against them

Fighting for Your African American Marriage gives you solid solutions to the challenges your marriage faces every day. The book contains a unique perspective and presents the powerful, proven strategies of the highly acclaimed PREPä (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) approach for helping black couples beat the odds and master the skills that can prevent marital distress and divorce. A Selection of the Black Expressions Book Club