12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know

Best-selling parenting guru Michele Borba, the mother of three, has surveyed 5,000 mothers for their experience and wisdom in raising happier, more confident kids by returning to a more natural, authentic kind of mothering. She shares 12 top secrets of successful moms culled from her research and shows how to apply them to your family.

You’ll learn how to…

• Apply the 12 essential principles that child experts and 5,000 parents say matter most in good mothering
• Raise children with confidence, resilience, and character
• Create a customized mothering plan and use it so it leads to success with your child
• Cut the guilt and reduce the stress by sticking to what really counts in parenting good kids today
• Discover simple ways to make big differences in your family’s life

Acknowledgments xi

Note to the Reader xiv

Introduction: What is a Real Mom? 1

Part One How Can a Real Mom Give Her Children Love That Lasts for Always? 17

Chapter One From the Sacrificial Mom to the Child Who Can Thrive Without You 19

Chapter Two What is a Real Mom These Days? 23

Chapter Three Why Being a “Sacrificial Mom” is Bad for Your Kids 33

Chapter Four Can Our Kids Make It on Their Own? 45

Part Two The 12 Simple Secrets of Real Mothering 59

Real Mom’s Secret 1 A Mother Who Loves Teaches Worth 61

Real Mom’s Secret 2 A Mother Who is Firm and Fair Gives Her Children a Moral Code to Live By 77

Real Mom’s Secret 3 A Mother Who Listens Shows Her Children They Matter 93

Real Mom’s Secret 4 A Mother Who is a Good Role Model Gives Her Children an Example Worth Copying 107

Real Mom’s Secret 5 A Mother Who Teaches Values Inspires Character 125

Real Mom’s Secret 6 A Mother Who Supports Her Children’s Strengths Builds Their Confidence 143

Real Mom’s Secret 7 A Mother Who Encourages Independence Cultivates Self-Reliance 161

Real Mom’s Secret 8 A Mother Who Applauds Effort Nurtures Perseverance 177

Real Mom’s Secret 9 A Mother Who Accepts Her Children’s Shortcomings Nurtures Resilience 193

Real Mom’s Secret 10 A Mother Who Takes Time for Her Children Helps Them Build Strong Relationships 213

Real Mom’s Secret 11 A Mother Who Laughs Teaches Joy 231

Real Mom’s Secret 12 A Mother Who Takes Care of Herself Holds Together Her Happy Family 249

The Last Word 269

References 271

About the Author 283

"A worthy addition for most parenting collections." (Library Journal, February 15, 2006)

Michele Borba, Ed.D., recipient of the National Educator Award, is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me; Don't Give Me That Attitude!; No More Misbehavin'; Parents Do Make a Difference; and Building Moral Intelligence, all from Jossey-Bass. She appears regularly on talk shows, including the Today show, The View, and The Early Show. Visit her on the Web at www.micheleborba.com.

A Treasury of Real Mom Wisdom for Raising Great Kids

"Balance and going with the flow goes far beyond just figure skating for me. It's the core of my athletic career and the core of my personal life. Everyone talks about living a healthy lifestyle, but that also applies to parenting style. Dr. Borba's book is the journey of healthy parenting—heart-warming and at times heart-wrenching. Every reader of this book is sure to have an "ah-ha!" moment and rediscover the simple joys of parenting."
—Peggy Fleming Jenkins, 1968 Olympic champion/ABC sports commentator

"A revolutionary, wonderful, and welcome answer to a mother's prayers. Michele Borba has shown us all how to be loving moms who raise great kids, without losing our peace of mind, our lives as adults, or our true selves."
—Phyllis George, former Miss America, pioneer female sportscaster, former first lady of Kentucky, and mother

Raise children with confidence, resilience, and character— based on a survey of 5,000 real moms. "12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know is a revolutionary, wonderful, and welcome answer to a mother’s prayers. Michele Borba has shown us all how to be loving moms who raise great kids, without losing our peace of mind, our lives as adults, or our true selves."
—Phyllis George, former Miss America and former first lady of Kentucky

"Michele infuses you with the wisdom and warmth of her over twenty years of teaching, shares the savvy of her indepth research of over 5000 parents and helps return you to the heart of successful parenting."
—Stacy Debroff, author, The Mom Book and founder of momscentral.com

"12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know is a Godsend for all the anxious, stressed-out mothers who worry that they're not "doing enough" (and that's pretty much everyone!)"
—Christiane Northrup, M.D., author, Mother-Daughter Wisdom; The Wisdom of Menopause; and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

"I am a firm believer in the importance of parental involvement and the tremendous influence mothers can have on their child's development. I appreciate the message that this book champions and the guidance it provides to mothers struggling to foster a brighter future for their children."
—Mary Bono, Member of Congress, California's 45th District

"Michele has done it again. She's given mothers a book full to the brim with wisdom, stories, and tips on how to raise happy, well adjusted children."
—Mimi Doe, author, Busy but Balanced and founder of SpiritualParenting.com