10,000 NOs

Learn how to persevere and pivot to achieve your goals from a celebrated Hollywood actor

10,000 NOs: How to Overcome Rejection on the Way to Your YES  chronicles actor Matthew Del Negro’s tough journey from humble beginnings, through a sea of rejections, on the way to his eventual rise to become a recognizable face on some of history's most acclaimed television shows. Along the way, he learned hard lessons about perseverance, persistence, and resilience. Teaching readers how to make it through the tough times and deal with massive uncertainty by retaining the flexibility to change course and pivot to follow your passion, Del Negro explains how to achieve success in even the most competitive industries.

The book, which delves into his personal story from Division I athlete to his professional dream of becoming an actor without any show business connections, shares the wisdom and knowledge Del Negro has gained from both his failures and successes in one of America’s most competitive industries: professional acting. 

Amidst his own stories from life and acting, Del Negro weaves anecdotes and quotes from interviews he has had with a wide range of inspirational people from all walks of life on his popular podcast, 10,000 NOs. The list of high-achievers includes professional athletes, bestselling authors, Forbes list entrepreneurs, cancer survivors, Hollywood elite, and more. His celebrated and top-ranked podcast in the U.S., Canada, and Australia, continues to inspire others to keep going even when their progress seems infinitesimally slow.

Introduction ix

Chapter 1 Getting Started 1

Chapter 2 Work Ethic 13

Chapter 3 Performance, Anxiety, and Instinct 25

Chapter 4 Discipline and Training 41

Chapter 5 Risk 53

Chapter 6 Perseverance 65

Chapter 7 Reframing 77

Chapter 8 Surrender 89

Chapter 9 Transformation 103

Chapter 10 Leadership 117

Chapter 11 Meditation and Relaxation 133

Chapter 12 Belief and Faith 147

Chapter 13 The Subconscious 159

Chapter 14 Just Be a Good Person 169

Chapter 15 Focus and Singularity 177

Chapter 16 Facade versus Reality 189

Epilogue 197

Acknowledgments 201

About the Author 203

Index 205

MATTHEW DEL NEGRO has built an impressive career playing a wide range of roles in features, television, and theater, including major stints on The Sopranos, The West Wing, Scandal, The United States of Tara, Amazon's Goliath, and Netflix's Huge in France. He can currently be seen opposite Kevin Bacon on Showtime's City on a Hill. He launched his popular podcast 10,000 NOs in 2017.

Matthew Del Negro has spent his adult life working in one of the most competitive fields in modern American life: acting. After accumulating more than two decades' worth of rejections, Del Negro launched a podcast: a three-year journey that provided deep insight into how people from all walks of life overcame incredible challenges. In 10,000 NOs, Del Negro shares his thoughts on perseverance, performance, work ethic, risk, belief, hope, faith, and more. Drawn from his personal journey and conversations with his 10,000 NOs podcast guests, this engaging book explores what each of us needs to understand every time we face a "No"—concepts such as instinct, discipline and training, reframing, transformation, leadership, meditation and relaxation, and the subconscious.

You won't find any magical solutions that eliminate rejection forever or that turn every "No" into a "Yes" because they simply do not exist. Our ability to persevere and battle adversity is a combination of unique factors and forces throughout our lives. No matter who you are, you will face challenges, setbacks, and rejections in your career and personal life. The personal stories of people who have had similar experiences, confronted "no" head-on, and made it through to the other side will help you learn from the tough times and use those lessons to persevere.

Whether you've experienced extreme loss or overwhelming challenges, or if you've made it this far relatively untouched, strengthening your resilience and perseverance will do nothing but benefit you in your life. 10,000 NOs will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are feeling trapped, discouraged, or overwhelmed, and encourage you to take a step towards greater fulfillment and meaning.

PRAISE FOR 10,000 NOs

"This book feels like the perfect companion to the way Matt conducted himself every time we've collaborated: honest, open, thoughtful, prepared, humble, and professional. If you're an actor looking to advance through your own tough journey or anyone looking to overcome adversity and challenges, I highly suggest reading 10,000 NOs."
—LAWRENCE TRILLING, Director/Producer, Showrunner, Goliath, Parenthood

"Being told 'No' and getting doors slammed in your face is part of playing the game. It's what you do with all those 'NOs' that will ultimately determine if you expand into your greatest potential. Listen to every insightful word Matthew has to say — it's a recipe for success."
—SUZY BATIZ, Founder/CEO, Poo-pourrie, Forbes' America's Richest Self-Made Women

"I've known Matt since I was 20 years old. He's always been a rock for me. There's no one better to write a book on resilience and perseverance. Every time I think he just may get snuffed out by another 'No', he pops back up and keeps marching forward."
—CHRIS MESSINA, Actor, Argo, Sharp Objects, Julie & Julia, Vicky Christina Barcelona, The Mindy Project

"I loved this book! 10,000 NOs is a giant 'Yes'. It's a must-read for anyone who has to overcome rejection to succeed: everyone."
—JON GORDON, New York Times bestselling author, The Energy Bus

"I had known Matt's work from Scandal but when we met, he was so different from the character he played and so full of warmth and humility. That same humanity exists on his podcast and every page of this book. It's as if he doesn't realize the rock star he is, so he convinces you to believe you can be one, too."
—SIRI LINDLEY, World Champion Triathlete, bestselling author, Surfacing

"10,000 NOs is a road map to learn how to deal with rejection and negativity and still drive forward and overcome. Matt's story, coupled with so many other amazing individuals', is proof that success exists beyond the darkness. This book inspires us to believe that beyond the 10,000 'NOs', a 'Yes' is waiting."
—JASON REDMAN, Retired Navy SEAL, New York Times bestselling author, The Trident