The Authentic Heart

The richest, most fulfilling love of your life is yet to come!

"The Authentic Heart offers practical, wise, and compassionate guidance for midlife love."--Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart and After the Ecstasy, the Laundry

"The Authentic Heart is a groundbreaking, insightful, warmly written book that I highly recommend to anyone wanting more loving, joyful relationships. John Amodeo addresses with great clarity, wisdom, and practicality the key steps that are necessary for building authentic, mature, loving connections--not only with others, but also with oneself."--John Bradshaw, New York Times bestselling author of Healing the Shame that Binds You

"Just what millions want to know--not only how to make love last but how to make lasting love new again and again. This warmhearted and clearheaded book is full of practical wisdom."--Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., authors of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart

As you enter midlife, you may feel that something you've always longed for has never happened. Frustrated, you may give up on love or cling to young images of romantic love, hoping that another person will furnish happiness. You may experience a growing sense of depression, anxiety, or cynicism. But as psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. John Amodeo explains, authentic love takes time and maturity. At midlife, you hold the extraordinary potential to become more fully awake and alive in your relationships than ever before. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Amodeo helps you rediscover love at its best. You'll learn how to overcome the psychological obstacles that have kept you from developing satisfying relationships. And you'll learn the eight enriching steps that release your authentic self for the fullness of genuine connection. Whether you're seeking true love for the first time or wish to deepen the joy and meaning in your current relationship, The Authentic Heart guides you along the path to a more vibrant partnership in the prime of your life. Acknowledgments, ix

Introduction, 1

THE FIRST STEP: PREPARE YOUR UNDERSTANDING: FROM YOUNG LOVE TO MATURE LOVE

1. New Beginnings, 11

2. Comparative Love 101, 18

THE SECOND STEP: IDENTIFY THE SHAME THAT KEEPS LOVE AWAY

3. The Nature of Shame, 47

4. Your Inner Critic: The Voice of Shame, 67

THE THIRD STEP: SUMMON THE COURAGE TO AFFIRM THE AUTHENTIC YOU

5. Getting to Authenticity, 87

6. Celebrate Your Authentic Self, 96

THE FOURTH STEP: RESPECT YOURSELF THROUGH BOUNDARIES

7. Boundaries as a Foundation for Intimacy, 125

THE FIFTH STEP: PRACTICE SELF-SOOTHING AND SELF-CONNECTION

8. The Softening Ingredient, 143

9. Focusing: A Path to Befriending Yourself, 163

10. Spiritual Self-Soothing, 171

THE SIX STEP: RESPECT OTHERS THROUGH KIND CONVERSATION

11. Gentle Honesty, 183

12. Speak and Connect from Your Authentic Heart, 192

THE SEVENTH STEP: BUILD TRUST THROUGH A PROCESS COMMITMENT

13. Being Committed to the Process, 209

14. The Key Ingredients of Trust, 217

THE EIGHT STEP: DEEPEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE AND SEXUALITY

15. The Ingredients of Love, 229

16. A Deepening Sexuality, 251

Conclusion: Toward a Mature Spirituality, 263

References, 279

A Guide to Resources, 285

Index, 289 JOHN AMODEO, Ph.D., with over twenty years of experience counseling clients, is the author of Love & Betrayal and Being Intimate. A former contributing editor for Yoga Journal, he has taught workshops and classes at Esalen Institute, the Omega Institute, the New York Open Center, and elsewhere. Dr. Amodeo has made appearances on CNN, CNBC, Donahue, and other national television and radio programs. The richest, most fulfilling love of your life is yet to come!

"The Authentic Heart offers practical, wise, and compassionate guidance for midlife love."––Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart and After the Ecstasy, the Laundry

"The Authentic Heart is a groundbreaking, insightful, warmly written book that I highly recommend to anyone wanting more loving, joyful relationships. John Amodeo addresses with great clarity, wisdom, and practicality the key steps that are necessary for building authentic, mature, loving connections––not only with others, but also with oneself."––John Bradshaw, New York Times bestselling author of Healing the Shame that Binds You

"Just what millions want to know––not only how to make love last but how to make lasting love new again and again. This warmhearted and clearheaded book is full of practical wisdom."––Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., authors of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart

As you enter midlife, you may feel that something you’ve always longed for has never happened. Frustrated, you may give up on love or cling to young images of romantic love, hoping that another person will furnish happiness. You may experience a growing sense of depression, anxiety, or cynicism. But as psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. John Amodeo explains, authentic love takes time and maturity. At midlife, you hold the extraordinary potential to become more fully awake and alive in your relationships than ever before. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Amodeo helps you rediscover love at its best. You’ll learn how to overcome the psychological obstacles that have kept you from developing satisfying relationships. And you’ll learn the eight enriching steps that release your authentic self for the fullness of genuine connection. Whether you’re seeking true love for the first time or wish to deepen the joy and meaning in your current relationship, The Authentic Heart guides you along the path to a more vibrant partnership in the prime of your life.

"The Authentic Heart is a sound, insightful, warmly written book which I highly recommend to anyone wanting more loving, joyful relationships. John Amodeo is a thoughtful and heartfelt writer, who addresses with great clarity, wisdom, and practicality the key steps that are necessary for building authentic, mature, loving connections -- not only with others, but also with oneself."
--John Bradshaw, New York Times bestselling author of Healing the Shame that Binds You

"Just what millions want to know--not only how to make love last, but how to make lasting love new again and again. This warm-hearted and clear-headed book is full of practical wisdom."
--Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart

"The Authentic Heart is a beautifully written, hope-filled celebration of spiritually rich intimacy. If that's what you are seeking, you must read this book."
--Judith Sherven, Ph.D. James Sniechowski, Ph.D., authors of The New Intimacy and Opening to Love 365 Days a Year

"John Amodeo is a brilliant writer. With breathtaking clarity and simplicity, he makes the enduring truths of conscious relationships fully accessible to contemporary readers. His penetrating insights illuminate the path to deep love and intimacy."
--William Collinge, Ph.D., author of Subtle Energy

"John Amodeo is the most thoughtful writer on relationships that I know. I
recommend this book to anyone seeking insight and solutions to relationship issues."
--Dr. Jim Dreaver, author of The Ultimate Cure and The Way of Harmony

"Full of warmth and wisdom, this book inspires us to let go of the illusions of youth, learn from the lessons life has taught us thus far and begin again with a renewed sense of humility and compassion."
--Susan Campbell, Ph.D., author of Getting Real: The 10 Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life and From Chaos to Confidence: Survival Strategies for the New Workplace

"The Authentic Heart offers practical, wise, and compassionate guidance for midlife love."
--Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart and After the Ecstasy, the Laundry