I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me?

I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me? is a fascinating, original, and invaluable tool kit filled with practical information and techniques for mediators who want to use nonverbal communication to their strategic advantage. Employing a proven process, Barbara Madonik--communication expert, mediator, and international consultant--reveals what it takes to understand, analyze, and utilize nonverbal communication to greatly enhance the mediation process. Preface.

Acknowledgments.

Introduction.

Communication Realities.

A Blueprint for Nonverbal Strategies

Maximizing Your Results.

Part One: Essential Definitions and Practical Applications.

1. Essential Definitions-Terms and Tools.

Systems.

Cues.

Language.

Paralanguage.

Levels of Awareness.

Space.

Touch.

Time.

Objectics.

Symbolism.

2. Practical Applications-Representational Systems.

Eye Cues and Patterns.

Physical Cues and Patterns.

Language Cues and Patterns.

Paralanguage Cues and Patterns.

Deciding on a System.

3. Practical Applications-General Patterns and Techniques.

Understanding Messages in Patterns of Communication.

Identifying Individuals' Cues and Patterns.

Applying Nonverbal Techniques During Mediation.

Part Two: Seven Steps to Getting Results.

Step 1: Be Prepared.

Planning Ahead.

Having Useful Equipment On Hand.

Gathering Facts.

Step 2: Maximizing the Initial Telephone Contact.

Physical Factors In Telephone Communication.

Conversation Management.

Paralanguage Nuances.

Questioning.

Step 3: Managing the Environment.

Examining the Power Balance.

Providing for Safety.

Establishing Comfort.

Conveying Respect.

Step 4: Assessing the Parties.

Knowing Yourself.

Tracking the Big Picture.

Tracking Detailed Information.

Identifying Action Triggers.

Identifying Working Frameworks.

Step 5: Building Rapport.

Engaging the Parties.

Adjusting Your Responsiveness.

Changing Communication In the Room.

Configuring Productive Work Units.

Step 6: Triggering Action.

Coming Face-to-Face with the Real Issues.

Enabling the Parties to Build Momentum.

Dealing With Derailments.

Encouraging Physical Movement to Change Mental Positions.

Step 7: Bringing Closure.

Helping Parties Make Productive Decisions.

Presenting the Offer in a Compelling Way.

Guarding Against Buyer's Remorse.

Guiding the Parties To Craft the Final Agreement Jointly.

Helping Parties Leave the Conflict Behind.

Conclusion.

Appendix A: Taking Your Own Communication Inventory.

Appendix B: System Expressions.

Resources.

References.

About the Author.

Index. "It is a useful guidebook that should be read several times to capture its wealth of information." (The Texas Mediator, Fall 03) Barbara G. Madonik is president of Unicom Communication Consultants Inc., a firm specializing in communication consulting and training, and dispute investigation and resolution services. She can be contacted at barbara.madonik@utoronto.ca It has been estimated that less than twenty percent of all human communication is expressed through words. This means that in order to get to the heart of what people are really saying we must have the ability to read the subtext of nonverbal communication. Yet mediators often lack the skills they need to analyze and utilize the rich meaning that is found in nonverbal communication.

I Hear What You Say, But What Are You Telling Me? is a fascinating, original, and invaluable tool kit filled with practical information and techniques for mediators who want to use nonverbal communication to their strategic advantage. Employing a proven process, Barbara Madonik-communication expert, mediator, and international consultant-reveals what it takes to understand, analyze, and utilize nonverbal communication to greatly enhance the mediation process.

This step-by-step handbook teaches you how to tune all your senses into what is happening with parties and counsel during mediation and thereby greatly increase your ability to prepare for and facilitate the overall process.

In this important resource, Madonik outlines her tested seven step process that reveals how to:
1. Prepare yourself and setup your working environment to increase your effectiveness as a mediator.
2. Maximize your initial telephone contact.
3. Manage the mediation environment so you can control it.
4. Assess the parties and create a useful profile of each person.
5. Engage each party to create powerful rapport and guide all parties to communicate with each other.
6. Trigger action that puts derailments back on track and builds momentum toward resolution.
7. Employ a variety of techniques to bring closure to the parties and the process.

This practical guide will uncover the hidden meaning of conscious and other-than-conscious communication-body language, breathing, dress, speech patterns, and more-to help achieve a deeper understanding of a wide variety of conflicts, including employment, labor, commercial, consumer, family, community, and government disputes.

"Ms. Madonik's book has shown me that professionally there is always something beneficial to learn with respect to modern persuasion tactics. The judiciary, lawyers, and mediators will reap a significant gain through the reading of this book."
—The Honourable Mr. Justice Ronald E. Stauth, Ontario Court of Justice (Family Division)

"This book details an excellent set of nonverbal techniques to help mediators resolve conflicts and break impasses. It also presents negotiators with the tools to gain a strategic advantage during their next negotiation."
—John Barkai, professor, University of Hawaii School of Law

"This book gives mediators a promising array of insights and tools, drawn from Barbara Madonik's background in communications, for building understanding and improving rapport in mediation. It will be especially helpful to lawyers/mediators whose focus has been on content and advocacy and who now wish to develop greater sensitivity and skill in interpersonal communication in the specific context of mediation."
—David G. Price, lawyer and mediator, chair, Alternative Dispute Resolution Section, Canadian Bar Association (Ontario)

"Barbara Madonik has created a very helpful and much-needed exploration of the hidden dimensions of mediation. Her sensitivity to all of the complicated nuances of nonverbal communication is well expressed in this book. Mediators will find both practical guidance and a new set of tools for understanding the interpersonal dynamics of the mediation process."
—David A. Hoffman, attorney, mediator, and arbitrator, member, Hill & Barlow, P.C.

"Ms. Madonik provides the tools to access a whole new dimension in mediation. Her book should be required reading for every mediator who desires to reach and respond to parties more effectively."
—Melissa Janis, president, Dovetail Solutions, LLC