How Long Does It Hurt?

How Long Does It Hurt? is the revised and updated edition of the best-selling book written by an incest survivor for future survivors. This step-by-step guide speaks directly to victims of sexual abuse¾to help them come to grips with what is happening to them and overcome their feelings of isolation, confusion, and self-doubt.

Thank you xi

Foreword xiii

Preface to the First Edition xv

Preface to the Revised Edition xvii

Part One The Hurting Begins

1. You’re Not Alone 3

2. Is What Happened Really Abuse? 13

3. Internet Sex Crimes 23

Part Two Blowing the Whistle

4. Telling 41

5. What Will People Say? 59

6. What’s Happening to Me? 66

7. Living with Your Family After You Tell 78

8. Going to Court 101

Part Three Forward Motion

9. Healing Is a Choice 125

10. Respecting How You Survived 138

11. Making Way for Your Future 154

12. Forgiving: Will You or Won’t You? 171

13. Sex: What It Is, What It Isn’t 180

Part Four Things to Know

14. What You Should Know About Offenders 201

15. What Friends of Victims Should Know 218

16. What Some Survivors Would Like You to Know 234

Notes 249

Bibliography 251

Index 255

The Authors 267

THE AUTHORS

CYNTHIA L. MATHER is a survivor of sexual abuse and incest, and speaks at schools, colleges, and churches across the country about child and teenage sexual abuse treatment and prevention.

KRISTINA E. DEBYE, L.C.S.W.C., A.C.S.W., D.C.S.W., is coordinator of the nationally acclaimed Baltimore County Sexual Abuse Treatment Program and maintains a private practice in Maryland.

How Long Does It Hurt?

How Long Does It Hurt? is the revised and updated edition of the best-selling book written by an incest survivor for future survivors. This step-by-step guide speaks directly to victims of sexual abuse—to help them come to grips with what is happening to them and overcome their feelings of isolation, confusion, and self-doubt.

PRAISE FOR THE FIRST EDITION OF HOW LONG DOES IT HURT?

"Excellent! Unique! Worthwhile! . . .Addresses an exhaustive range of issues pertinent to sexual abuse survivors and does so in a manner that is dynamic, engaging, and straightforward." —Family Violence and Sexual Assault Bulletin

"How Long Does It Hurt? fully achieves its claim as a guide to recovering from incest and sexual abuse for teenagers, their friends, and their families and will likely fulfill the authors' wish that teens will learn that they are not alone and can successfully continue on from the pain." —The University of Kansas, Journal of Pediatric Psychology

"The most helpful aspects of the book are the case examples and testimonials of vic tims. Especially useful are the personalized descriptions of possible reactions in self or from others and the accompanying message to have the strength and courage to find a way to recover despite the obstacles." —Violence and Victims "Excellent! Unique! Worthwhile! . . .Addresses an exhaustive range of issues pertinent to sexual abuse survivors and does so in a manner that is dynamic, engaging, and straightforward."
--Family Violence and Sexual Assault Bulletin

"How Long Does It Hurt? fully achieves its claim as a guide to recovering from incest and sexual abuse for teenagers, their friends, and their families and will likely fulfill the author’s wish that teens will learn that they are not alone and can successfully continue on from the pain."
--The University of Kansas, Journal of Pediatric Psychology

"The most helpful aspects of the book are the case examples and testimonials of victims. Especially useful are the personalized descriptions of possible reactions in self or from others and the accompanying message to have the strength and courage to find a way to recover despite the obstacles."
--Violence and Victims