Healing Your Emotional Self

Healing Your Emotional Self

"Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children's self-esteem, self-image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self-criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more posititve self-image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was abused or neglected as a child."
--Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents

"In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children. Engle's insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives."
--Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

"Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse."
--Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse

Loving Him without Losing You

"A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read."
--Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Part One
How Your Parents Shape Your Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Body Image

1 Our Parents as Mirrors 9

2 The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors 29

3 Your Body as a Mirror 63

4 How Mirror Therapy Works 77

Part Two
Shattering Your Distorted Parental Mirror

5 Rejecting Your Parents’ Negative Reflection 87

6 Emotionally Separating from Your Parents 104

7 Quieting and Countering Your Inner Critic 117

Part Three
Creating a New Mirror

8 Looking Deeper into the Mirror: Discovering the Real You 139

9 Providing for Yourself What You Missed as a Child 156

10 Learning to Love Your Body 175

Part Four
Specialized Help

11 If You Were Neglected, Rejected, or Abandoned: Healing the “I Am Unlovable” and “I Am Worthless” Mirrors 187

12 If You Were Overprotected or Emotionally Smothered: Healing the “I Am Nothing without My Parent” Mirror 204

13 If You Were Overly Controlled or Tyrannized: Healing the “I Am Powerless” Mirror 212

14 If You Had Overly Critical, Shaming, or Perfectionistic Parents: Healing the “I Am Bad,” “I Am Unacceptable,” and “I Am Not Good Enough” Mirrors 220

15 If You Had a Self-Absorbed or Narcissistic Parent: Healing the “I Don’t Matter” Mirror 229

16 Continuing to Heal 238

Appendix: Recommended Therapies 243

References 249

Recommended Reading 251

Index 255

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse. She is the author of several other self-help books, including the highly successful The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Loving Him without Losing You, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel conducts workshops and professional training programs and has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Starting Over, Donahue, and Ricki Lake.

Self-help

“Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children’s self-esteem, self-image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self-criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more positive self-image.”
—Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents

“Engel’s insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives.”
—Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy  

In Healing Your Emotional Self, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, explains how to heal the damage to your self-image and self-esteem caused by negative parental messages and offers treatment to help you lead a happier and healthier life. This breakthrough guide is designed to help you reject the distorted images your parents either intentionally or unintentionally projected onto you. Step by step, this innovative method will give you the skills you need to quiet your inner critic, boost your self-esteem, create a positive self-image separate from your abusive parents’ distorted picture, discover who you really are, learn self-nurturing, and become the person you are meant to be.