Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me

Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly narcissists don’t think they need to change. Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me is a hands-on resource for helping colleagues, families, and spouses deal with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies by learning how to change their own attitudes and responses.

Introduction vii

Part One: It’s All About Me 1

Chapter 1 What Makes a Narcissist? 3

Chapter 2 Why Does Someone Become a Narcissist? 23

Part Two: Recognizing the Patterns 43

Chapter 3 The Narcissist with an Insatiable Need for Control 45

Chapter 4 The Passive-Aggressive Narcissist 63

Chapter 5 The Bottomless Well of Common Narcissistic Demands 81

Part Three: Dealing with the Narcissists in Your Life 99

Chapter 6 Examining Your Anger 101

Chapter 7 Removing Fear from the Equation 121

Chapter 8 Committing to Humility 139

Chapter 9 Fostering Your Own Inner Security 157

Chapter 10 Replacing Bitterness with Forgiveness 173

The Author 193

Dr. Les Carter is a nationally known psychotherapist who maintains a practice at the Southlake Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Southlake, Texas. Formerly, he was with the Minirth Clinic in Richardson, Texas, where he practiced for twenty-five years. He has authored or coauthored twenty books including The Anger Trap, Grace and Divorce, and (with Frank Minirth) the bestselling Anger Workbook. Dr. Carter can be reached at www.drlescarter.com.

Praise for Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me

"A refreshing tonic for the times . . . [Carter] writes with nuance, demonstrating that all of us are subject at one time or another to narcissist tendencies."
—Chicago Tribune

"If you have ever been drained dry and then blamed for failing or have ever been criticized and then altered your behavior, only to be found at fault for doing what you were told to do, you have had an encounter with a narcissist. Narcissists can make you feel crazy, exhausted, and guilty. Les Carter offers a thoughtful, well-written guide for dealing with the heartache and confusion of managing a relationship with a narcissist. He has done so with kindness, hope, and clarity. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has feared there is no hope for peculiarly difficult people."
—Dan B. Allender, president, Mars Hill Graduate School, and author, The Wounded Heart and To Be Told

"Do narcissists plan to grow up to be self-centered? Do they realize that the world and its entire population weren't created just for their pleasure? You may recognize the narcissistic traits Les Carter has described in Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me, either in your own life or in the life of someone you're trying to love and live with on a daily basis. This book will give you tools to make you stronger and less fearful of those who dish out narcissistic behavior. Moreover, it will guide you to forgive any abuse you have suffered. For those who see their lives in the 'mirror' of these pages, it will open your eyes and give you hope and strength. I highly recommend this book."
—Paul Meier, M.D., founder, Meier Clinics