"Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's?"

Thorough in coverage and updated with topics that affect today's families, Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's?, Second Edition helps you keep your children in the number-one, priority spot before, during, and after your divorce. Nonjudgmental in tone, the new edition will show you how to put your kids' best interests first as you work with your spouse to parent together while living apart. Preface xiii

Acknowledgments xvii

Chapter 1 A House Divided 1

Facts about Divorce 2

Chapter 2 Moving Ahead: Telling Children about Your Divorce 13

Concrete Thinkers in an Abstract Situation 17

When Your Child Is No Longer a Child 24

Academic Performance 26

Boys and Girls React Differently 26

Adjustments Abound 28

Mourning the End of a Marriage 29

Not Enough Hours in the Day, Not Enough Friends in the World 32

One Magical Wish 34

Chapter 3 Custody Options: The Best Interest of the Child 35

Joint versus Sole Custody 37

Chronic Mental Illness Leads to a Topsy-Turvy World 39

Active Alcoholism or Other Drug Abuse and Children Don’t Mix 41

Physical or Sexual Abuse: Confounding Dilemmas 42

Violating Orders, Communication Failure, Obstructing Visits 43

Endangering Your Children 44

Separate Lives under One Roof, Then the Great Divide 46

Giving Up Placement 48

Grandparents: Help or Hindrance 49

Chapter 4 Navigating the Legal Waters 51

Finding an Attorney 51

Don’t Be Attracted by Unrealistic Promises 55

Avoid “Hired Guns” and “Dirty Tricks” Attorneys 56

Switching Attorneys 58

Telling Your Story in Court 59

Acting as Your Own Attorney 60

Mediation as a First Step 61

Collaboration 64

Arbitration 68

The Court Process 69

Custody Disputes 72

The Guardian ad Litem 72

The Custody Study 76

Custody Evaluation 76

To Supervise or Not to Supervise 83

Relocation Cases 85

Going Back to Court 88

Chapter 5 Two of Everything? Dealing with the Practicalities of Placement and Custody 93

Placement of Young Children 96

The Ackerman Plan 98

Bad Schedules 100

General Rules 101

Separating Children 105

Uninterrupted Time 106

Different Cities: Creating a Placement Road Map 107

Making Things Work under New Rules 109

The Master Schedule 109

The Parenting Plan 111

Visits and Flexibility Work Hand in Hand 114

Dividing Property with an Eye n Details 119

Parents’ Rights 121

College Education 125

Religious Training 126

Phone Calls 127

Presents 129

Vacations 129

Finances 130

Parents Working after a Divorce 131

Chapter 6 How to Parent Apart 132

The Family Conference: Increasing Avenues of Communication 133

A United Front 134

Making Placements Better 134

Power to the Children 138

Children as Coequals 139

Sleeping Arrangements 140

Children in the Middle 140

A Different Sort of Communication 143

Fighting in Front of the Children 144

Where to Live 146

Problems with the Other Parent 147

Parents Who Won’t Visit 148

Lack of Cooperation 149

Chapter 7 Maltreatment 152

Physical Abuse 154

Who Will Be the Abusers? 154

Proving Abuse 156

Consequences of Childhood Physical Abuse 157

Family/Domestic Violence 159

Domestic Violence and Custody 161

To Stay or Not to Stay: Is That Your Quandary? 164

Emotional/Psychological Abuse 165

Sexual Abuse 167

Who Are the Sexual Abusers? 169

Evaluating Sexual Abuse 169

If You Think Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused 170

Sexual Abuse Allegations: True or False? 172

Devastating Effects of Sexual Abuse 176

Warnings!!!!!!! 181

Chapter 8 The Only Certainty in Life Is Change 183

Move-Away Placement Plan 186

Longer Lasting Reactions 187

A Plan to Make Everyone Feel Better 188

The Challenge of Additional Adjustments 188

Remarriage 192

The Role of the Stepparent 194

Disciplining Children 195

Cementing Relationships 197

The Other Extended Family 197

Change as Children Grow Older 198

Chapter 9 Custody Do’s and Don’ts 200

A Boy Named Chris 201

Custody Do’s 207

Custody Don’ts 217

Chapter 10 Resources Abound 224

Psychiatrists 225

Psychologists 226

Social Workers 228

Professional Organizations 229

Current Resources on Child Custody/Divorce 231

Index 241

Marc J. Ackerman, PHD, is a clinical psychologist and expert on child custody. He maintains a counseling and consulting practice in Milwaukee and is the author of several books for psychologists and lawyers on the topic of child custody, including Wiley's Clinician's Guide to Child Custody Evaluations, Third Edition and the Essentials of Forensic Psychological Assessment. He has been involved in thousands of custody evaluation cases and is the co-creator of ASPECT, a major child-custody evaluation instrument. Dr. Ackerman has worked with thousands of divorcing families and is a frequent speaker at conferences and on national television and radio talk shows.

The bestselling book that coaches parents on how to work together to effectively and successfully parent while living apart

If you are divorced or in the process of getting a divorce, you may be concerned about the effects it may have on your child or children. Thorough in coverage and updated with topics that affect today's families, "Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's?" helps you keep your children in the number-one, priority spot before, during, and after your divorce.

Nonjudgmental in tone, with practical and wise advice, the Second Edition covers many new topics including collaborative divorce, fathers' rights, and the use of electronic devices to manage children's complex scheduled activities across two households. New chapters cover the issue of abuse in custody evaluations as well as the use of the Internet to address matters that arise in divorce and custody cases.

Written by a psychologist and child custody expert, this book provides an accessible road map that helps you:

• Break the news of divorce to your children

• Keep them informed without overburdening them

• Anticipate your child's behavioral and emotional responses

• Simplify your children's lives as well as your own, through the use of highly adaptable schedules and plans for visitation

• Know what to expect in the legal process

• Avoid the pitfalls of parenting from a distance

Both reassuring and realistic, the Second Edition helps you to help your children deal with your divorce and to handle the changes in their lives. This book won't tell you how to "win" custody battles, but it will show you how to put your kids' best interests first as you work with your spouse to parent together while living apart.